(This is a “re-post” from quite a while ago. I fixed a couple of issues I had with it in its previous incarnation.)
Obvious yet necessary point: When members of your family believe that your personal belief system automatically banishes you to hell, it is a wise choice to ignore those family members completely – or, at least, ignore them about everything that matters in life. Of course, if you ignore them to that degree, you have to ask yourself what real value those people have in your life anyway.
It is a common thing to see people suffering from the lack of understanding this point. Are you gay or lesbian? Atheist? Jewish? Liberal? The specific label isn’t important. The issue is that family members believe differently than you do. They then form negative judgments about you, followed by expression of those judgments.
Most of us opt to spend our precious time ranting and fighting our family members mistaken beliefs. While there is a very small chance that this will work, it is more likely that you will be the one suffering in vain. To our dissenting and disapproving family, their opinion is the only correct one. You can’t really “convince” them of their error.
If the issue is very important and not really a question of choice as is the case with being gay or lesbian, you will look even crazier than normal attempting to “correct” your family. So packed with emotion and irrationality is this subject that many of your family simply don’t have the maturity to re-examine their beliefs. Remember the old adage? No baby is born homophobic.
Using the gay/lesbian example, why would you insist on attempting to repair your relationship to those family members? The best sermon is ignoring them and living a happy life. Failing that, when they demonstrate their thinking in a hurtful way, smile and call them close-minded Neanderthals and stop talking. That will get them mad, as very little angers as much as witty indifference. It’s like watching a child scream and cry, kicking on the supermarket floor in front of the candy. Their righteous anger will feel good to them; however, witnesses will only see stupidity on their part. Eventually, like all ignorant bullies, they will go on to easier targets.
If family members have horrible opinions about your life or lifestyle, first think about whether their opinion has any merit. If not, decide whether there is any malice in their belief. If malice is present, write them out of your life, or at least marginalize them to a place where they can do harm, no matter how difficult it might be. From there, resist their manipulation to draw you back into the fray or to get you to argue your point. You are NEVER going to convince them. Make yourself happy and ignore them.
Even if those people are your parents, brothers and sister, etc. No one has authority over you in regards to your chosen beliefs or lifestyle. Nor do they have the right to insult you in their imaginary defense to their own beliefs.
As I’ve aged, I’m seen family use their biological connection to bully those who don’t agree, whether it is politics, religion, music, lifestyle, etc. I grow ever more astounded that people tolerate this type of aggressive behavior from family members. If you wouldn’t tolerate it from friends or co-workers, why continue to fail to address the real issue? The issue isn’t so much that your family members might be asses, but rather than you are still attempting to impose the false reality of dealing with them rationally as you go through life.
Did I mention “witty indifference” to them? Works fantastically!
P.S. Parenthetically Speaking 