09272013 Funeral Viewings

Please forgive me as I write about my ideas and personal viewpoints. None of us agree on much of anything in this modern world. This blog is to share what’s going on in my head, not to lash out or make anyone defend their own heartfelt emotions or ideas…

Each of us is allotted a set number of years, weeks, months, hours, days and minutes.

During those millions of minutes, we all have an opportunity to share our selves and our lives with everyone around us, both with those we love and appreciate and those we merely tolerate in the background of our lives.

It’s up to us to succeed or fail in adding meaning and purpose to each encounter with our fellow human beings. We can talk face-to-face, on the phone, via email, or through pictures. Now, more than at any point in human development, we can maintain contact with anyone we want to.

Although I’ve said so many different ways, I simply don’t “get” funeral viewings. I’ll grant most people the exception that it became tradition and therefore lingers as a tradition as a result. But the mere idea of preservation and display of someone’s body for viewing after death is irrational and weird to me. All who know me agree that I am in no way disgusted or bothered by seeing a corpse. It’s just not something that bothers me like it does many people. Without trying to offend anyone, I can relate to someone’s wish to see someone immediately after death and before embalming and preparation. That is somehow natural and understandable to me. The aspect of another person processing another person’s body for display is what seems anachronistic and alien to me.

For christians or those believing in an afterlife, the body should almost be forgotten in one’s grief. If it is truly just a vessel for one’s soul, I can’t understand either the expense or process that lies behind the viewing tradition. Our memories and feelings are still very much with us.

For all of the funerals I’ve been involved with in the last few years, no one wanted a viewing. Yet, all of them except one were subjected to being viewed after preparation and embalming. Their wishes were not honored. And yes, I know that funerals are for the living and to allow them to let go of their loves ones.

If someone truly wishes for a viewing, this decision is weird to me. But to have a viewing for someone who had specified that they don’t want one and to perform a viewing anyway is especially troubling for me. I know that tradition and expectations are difficult things to deal with but each person should have the final vote, if possible.

I would ask only that anyone involved in a funeral take a long look at ‘why’ you might vote in favor of a viewing.