A Few Quips to Make Pies

“If you attempt to sell products on Facebook by not telling us what you are selling, it’s tantamount to ringing our doorbell wearing black pants and a white shirt, attempting to hand us pamphlets. Don’t be alarmed if you see the curtains move and hear the TV blaring but no one answers the door.” – x


Corollary to the above: “And if you do tell us, don’t be alarmed if you see us turn off the lights, hit ‘mute’ on the TV, and no one answers the door.” -x


“If you want to understand the concept of forever, go through the Drive-Through at the Springdale Whataburger location.” – x


The common greeting or goodbye isn’t something I’m fond on. In a pinch, I will resign myself to a perfunctory “Happy Birthday” or signature on a card. For me, this sometimes serves as a surprise, as many of my friends and family are so accustomed to my unconventional ways. Being normal sometimes can surprise people, too.



(Eye-roll alert) I’m not clear on who exactly is going to eat wolf chili…  Imagine how loud it is going to be when we get the new “Wolf Chili” canning plant here. I wonder if PETA is going to protest – and if so, will there be ‘howls’ of protest?


If I owned a convertible dealership in Springdale, I would locate it directly across from the weight scales of the nearest poultry company. You can enjoy owning a convertible – just be sure that you know what you’re getting into.


As I sit here pitying those with jobs best described as “needing Charmin,” I casually glance to my right and see a fellow human looking at ME with the same look of pity. The “Circle of Strife” continues unabated.


“It’s easy to be too helpful – as when you are about to drown & someone throws you BOTH ends of the rope.” At least, that’s how the cliché goes. But sometimes, once you’ve seen who is already in the boat, drowning might seem more reasonable.

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