An Unwise Mix of Weird

1933917_1236941038891_4133470_n

.

dfsdf

.

 

 

werwerwe2444.png

My most inspired Saturday-morning creation, for my wife, who has shown the greatest aversion to what I’ve named “Hipster Santa.”

We rarely see commercials on TV, but when we do, it’s invariably the new Fiat ones with James Franzo as hot Santa.

They are absolutely terrible commercials.

Which means, of course, I love them.

.

.

erwerwe

.

biggest ass.jpg

.

david duke of earl.jpg

.

durden potts rule.jpg

.

heavenly gps.jpg

.

the gay away.jpg

.

bank

.

250 hair coloring.png

With no offense intended toward those who are cosmetologists: this is a social metaphor for behavioral criticisms..

.

True story: I started an impromptu game of Elevator-Cash-Cab yesterday. When 4 people were on the elevator with me, I played host to the game. I offered $20 to anyone who could tell me how long it takes light (within a 200% margin of error) to reach us from the nearest star. I kept the $20, after being surprised at the answers. (PS: the sun is the nearest star. And ‘light year’ is a measure of distance, not time.) Yes, I play Elevator-Cash-Cab. I think random people doing this in public elevators would be a magnificent way to make life a little better.

.

I wonder how Google Analytics and the FB algorithm is interpreting my multiple magnitude increase in fascist-authoritarian-nazi searches since the election. I feel like I’m inadvertently participating in a real-life reenactment of the “American History X” movie when seeing the news – and it Is my teeth stretched across the curb waiting for Edward Norton’s character to stomp the back of my head.

.

gfd

.

ertertee.png

.

eagle-flag

.

It is as we all feared: knowledge is an anachronism and facts are simply opinions. Please forgive me as I make a fortune being a con man. I’m not certain that I’m joking. The elevation of crass stupidity has met me halfway along the road. I shake my head so often now that I look like the lead singer of an “Achy-Breaky-Heart” revival cover band.

.

During the slanted hours of insufficient December sunlight, “Holocene” by Bon Iver is a testament to both style and content. At 4 a.m. on a solitary drive to a mindless rendezvous with trading my life’s scarcity of seconds for the vague and unsatisfactory value of a few dollars, this song is a masterpiece of self-reflection. It doesn’t sway me from turning into the lifeless parking lot filled with mundane assurances of more of the same , but it reminds me that the sum total of whatever ‘it’ is in life that is so valuable is scampering away from me, one subtle word and choice at a time. I could see for miles, miles, miles…

As this song played, I put down the driver window, low against the freezing and invasive cold. I looked across the long valley and the familiar road and noticed the brilliance of the lights to the West. In that transitory moment, I recognized a new vista previously unheeded, and a new appreciation for the mystery of the way a song not only reveals melody, but ourselves.

.

Santa / Papa Noel Advisory: During the recent Russian-Putin cyberhack, it was revealed that Santa’s “Naughty & Nice” list was leaked. I discovered that I can skip by with 3 additional Acts of Shenanigans, Chicanery, & Mischief before the 24th – and still qualify to awake on the 25th to a bountiful xmas tree filled with exotic minimalist yuletide surprises.
Therefore, let it be known that if a series of disconcerting actions transpire in the next few days, it is because I am being mindful of the necessity of using all my allotted shenanigans under the “Naughty & Nice” bylaws. Thanks, Santa!

.

When someone tells me I’m crazy, I usually give them the “NS,S” look of incredulity, because I know that they know that I know they probably eat raw meat when no one is looking. Because the first sign you are equally the problem is that you are trying to engage in conversation with a person that you claim to be crazy – which means you speak their language. Ergo, you’re as nuts as I am.

.

The “Predator” movie made us imagine that aliens could be lurking all around us, intent on our slow destruction. Then, I come to reality and remember how many people voted as if an ultra-high dose of LSD hit their system – and I long for the vengeful aliens to distract me from the reality tv show of politics.

.

For an anonymous friend, who paradoxically instilled in me the overwhelming desire to take a LOT of selfies while standing on train tracks.

15418505_10155562439884115_9212779670309286641_o

.

werwewe

 

My wife & I had great fun watching our cat Güino dive-bomb the office window chasing a bird-feeder-thieving squirrel until he passed out. Because this is Springdale, though, we then watched a very pretty chicken drive him even crazier by scavenging, in open defiance of our feline protector, in the front yard. I threw seed out for the chicken to ensure that the cat would know no peace this peaceful Saturday morning. The chicken wanted to walk through the front door, so it evidently doesn’t understand the concept of fried.

.

565464

.

1234circleshawndie.png

.

draftcut  back  circle.png

.

etertecircle.png

.

 

turmp barcode.png

.

ertertee

.

 

 

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s