Tired of the same old Yuletide parties that turn out to be more boring than eating uncooked pasta? Want a low-cost and entertaining means to end a party that simply has no Christmas Charisma? My new company “The X Hans Gruber Party Pooper Service” is taking calls for emergencies this Xmas weekend. Just give us a call and we’ll burst in to your party dressed as the infamous Hans Gruber crew from “Die Hard” and disperse your guests. For an additional fee, we will exterminate any reluctant-to-depart guests with extreme prejudice, as featured in the timeless Xmas movie starring Bruce Willis.

(I already have several clients. One of them asked me to bring the detonators to help disperse his guests and I foresee they are going to need a truckload of screen doors if it plays out anything like it did in the movie.)