It is with a heavy heart that I report the passing of a beautiful, short life. Weekend was born on April 20th, 2018 at 5 p.m. It departed this world at midnight on Sunday, April 22nd, 2018.

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These disgraced actors have to take work wherever they can get it. I saw a trailer for the former “House of Cards” star. He’s in an endoscopic medical malpractice documentary titled “Lost in Spacey.”

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You’re right – I never mince words. Chopped usually works nicely.

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I’m not making a point, but I noticed I’ve never seen a sign indicating “Ninja Breakroom.”

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As far as good concerts go, the Cleveland Cannabis Chamber Orchestra always ends its performances on a high note.

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I taught my cat to speak English. But also to never want to.

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I’m not saying that Drew Barrymore is a has-been; on the other hand, her first name is literally past tense.

P.S. This is supposed to be amusing, unlike the train-wreck known as “Santa Clarita Diet.”

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“…I hit him so hard with a clever comeback that he looked like he had just gargled a package of tic-tacs.”

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Cliché vs Patents: I sowed the seeds of doubt and Monsanto sued me.

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It must be time for Spring because I felt the gentle, cool Febreze on my face.

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Did you know that if you put an onion in a sock to cure a common cold that you’ll end up with an onion that’s probably not worth eating? #medicaladvice

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“Sir, I see here you’ve written ‘Bob’ as your first name. Your license clearly indicates that ‘Robert’ is your first name.” He handed Bob back his license with a smug and condescending look, one which he had practiced for a couple of years.

“Well, Richard, I guess you have the same problem because I’m pretty sure your license doesn’t have the name that best describes you, either.”

Game, point, match.

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The great trash wars of 2018 have begun, at least on my street.

I hope that my browser search didn’t get flagged when I googled “Weaponized Trash Can” today.

P.S. I won’t target the participants in said excursions.

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