Random

It is with a heavy heart that I report the passing of a beautiful, short life. Weekend was born on April 20th, 2018 at 5 p.m. It departed this world at midnight on Sunday, April 22nd, 2018.

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These disgraced actors have to take work wherever they can get it. I saw a trailer for the former “House of Cards” star. He’s in an endoscopic medical malpractice documentary titled “Lost in Spacey.”

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You’re right – I never mince words. Chopped usually works nicely.

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I’m not making a point, but I noticed I’ve never seen a sign indicating “Ninja Breakroom.”

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As far as good concerts go, the Cleveland Cannabis Chamber Orchestra always ends its performances on a high note.

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I taught my cat to speak English. But also to never want to.

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I’m not saying that Drew Barrymore is a has-been; on the other hand, her first name is literally past tense.

P.S. This is supposed to be amusing, unlike the train-wreck known as “Santa Clarita Diet.”

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“…I hit him so hard with a clever comeback that he looked like he had just gargled a package of tic-tacs.”

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seeds of doubt

Cliché vs Patents: I sowed the seeds of doubt and Monsanto sued me.

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It must be time for Spring because I felt the gentle, cool Febreze on my face.

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Did you know that if you put an onion in a sock to cure a common cold that you’ll end up with an onion that’s probably not worth eating? #medicaladvice

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“Sir, I see here you’ve written ‘Bob’ as your first name. Your license clearly indicates that ‘Robert’ is your first name.” He handed Bob back his license with a smug and condescending look, one which he had practiced for a couple of years.

“Well, Richard, I guess you have the same problem because I’m pretty sure your license doesn’t have the name that best describes you, either.”

Game, point, match.

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The great trash wars of 2018 have begun, at least on my street.

I hope that my browser search didn’t get flagged when I googled “Weaponized Trash Can” today.

P.S. I won’t target the participants in said excursions.

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You wouldn’t know it, but East Springdale is built on a massive and ancient burial ground. At least, I presume so, given the sheer level of weird around here.
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The road to hell may be paved with good intentions, but the sidewalk to hell is paved with the frustration of people who take 10 minutes to order their food.
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They told me to always watch out for number one. Paranoia, however, told me to keep a close on two, three, four, and five as well.
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I fell off my high horse yesterday. I’m not sure how it happened, but I’d like to talk to the person who taught him how to vape.
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In a magnificent world, we would play Twister to the death.
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This is to honor our domestic cat Güino, one skilled in the lost art of hiding in plain sight. As we neared slumber last night, my wife Dawn made the mistake of asking, “Where’s the cat?” Ten minutes later, after looking in the literal last place we’d expect two dozen times, the cat defied Schrödinger and mysteriously appeared, apparently reading his comment card of complaints to us.
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