If It Pleases the Court…

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Office Depot has a WWE / WWF corner…

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“Fruit of the loon” is the best way I’ve ever heard to describe someone who is as inexplicable as his or her parents.

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2 lessons I’ve learned from Oregonians:

“Never ride a horse in the living room.”

“Only shut the fridge door if you head isn’t in it.”

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The first time I sing “Happy Thursday” to the melody of “Happy Birthday,” it’s funny. The 40th time, though, Identifies those with impulse control.

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I give you the bird.

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I think the studio should do two versions of the movie biopic about Queen’s Freddie Mercury: one normal version, and another in which he substitutes yodeling for the normal lyrics of all the big hits. The studio could record all the angry and confused moviegoers and release THAT footage as another movie. You’re welcome, Hollywood.

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…Instead of saying ” Hello ” or ” Good Morning, ” I used one of my old favorites and told 40 people ” DiGiorno ! ” to see how many understood what I was saying. Conclusion: the pizza company will undoubtedly experience a sales spike thanks to my subliminal nonsense.

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“Sauerkraut is what you eat when you need a reminder that all your gastrointestinal parts have a role to play. Sauerkraut is the bassoon of the bowels.” – X

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After an hour of listening to the manager drone on and on about trivial buzzwords, I realized why we all were required to wear safety gear in the conference room. The sign above the manager’s head indicated: ” Extremely High Doltage – Danger of Elocution. ”

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My enthusiasm was so diminished that I had only had enough energy for one shenanigan.

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I asked Marvel to include a new superhero in the Avengers: The Yodeler. Can you imagine the strange looks from surprised villains as he enters a room, yodeling at the top of his lungs? Plus, if the character is killed off, it’s a given that he doesn’t have any friends who will mourn his untimely death.

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