Perspective Disproportion Corollary
Cynicism paradoxically travels with greater enthusiasm – and with more luggage.
Monthly Archives: November 2018
Arkansas Sadness Scale
Arkansas Sadness Scale
On a scale of “my cat just died” to “I’m a Democrat voter in the State of Arkansas,” how sad do you feel?
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P.S. As you may or may not know, I am crazily liberal, so much so that neither major party claims me.
The Day Begins
As I hurled several items into my outside trash collector, I looked across the street.
A little boy who is seldom seen outside was standing at the perimeter of his driveway, holding an action figure of some sort. I was very surprised to see him.
As I looked, he waved with gusto. “Hi! What’s your name?”
In a thundering voice, I replied, “X!” (For newcomers, I replied with the 24th letter of the alphabet only because that’s my name. It would have confused him had I replied, “Slartibartfast,” or “Susanna.”)
Before I could say anything else, the boy seemed to become confused and turned away, walking back into the shadowy garage.
I knew he’d turn to see if I was still looking his direction.
I waved as enthusiastically as I could, to let him know I wasn’t as crazy as I sounded.
He waved with joy as if attempting to wave down a passing boat after 6 months on an isolated island in the Pacific.
And so, the day begins.
Nothing Ventured
I’m announcing that I’m giving away $25,000 worth of Walmart merchandise. Whether you can get through the door of the store with it is your problem.
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During the interminable meeting, I stood and threw a cup of buffalo sauce on my boss as he spoke. Before he could extricate himself from his chair I hurled a cup of ranch on him.
He stood, angrily wiping the running mixture from his face. “Have you lost your mind? What did you do that for?!” He shouted.
“Well if you’re going to wing it, I’m going to provide the sauce.”
Meeting adjourned.
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The unintended benefit of using Halloween as a pretext to startle and scare coworkers in the semi-dark parking garage is that several of them involuntarily reveal they have concealed carry permits.
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P.S. Parenthetically Speaking 