Bissextile, Popcorn, and Mosquitoes
(It’s not the latest Taylor Swift song.)

“Pergolas are the broken condom of curb appeal.” I heard that hilarious quote in a Lewis Black video last week. It’s infected my head with yet more riveting and true observations. I’d add my own: “Pergolas are the proof that form defeats function, much like McDonald’s eyebrows.”

The word “bissextile” is interesting. However, it does not hold much value for communication. It’s used mainly to denote the leap year—at least among people who love vocabulary. For everyone else, it’s another example of our language strangling us with complexity. I love observing people sneer at those who don’t follow the alleged rules of our language. Especially spelling. That’s orthography to the supercilious-minded folks among us. (I used supercilious jokingly; it’s how the upper crust looks at some of us when we walk by.)

Another totally unrelated thing is that so many people don’t know that the best way to store popped popcorn is in the icebox. I was going to type “fridge,” but that extra mysterious “d” in the abbreviation for “refrigerator” irritates me. That our language has so many wildly disparate and ridiculous spelling and pronunciation conundrums astounds me. “Icebox” is an anachronism but one that has served us well for decades. By the way, the consensus among many is that we added the “d” to “fridge” not because of unilateral usage but rather because Frigidaire Corporation made a buttload of fridges. It’s more complicated than that because we can’t have easy answers or explanations for anything.

Mosquitoes hone in on the carbon dioxide we breathe out. They also tend to go to certain colors. This is a very useful fact.

I was going to joke about the fact that only female mosquitoes bite, but I am scared of the cancel culture. I’m not quite recovered from the incident last year, in which I was banned from participating in yodeling contests because I paid a helper to intermittently hit me in the groin with a small hammer as I yodeled.

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