I was so excited to see my prison jumpsuit and handcuffs arrive when I got off work. Even though it’s hot, I’ve done my inaugural walk up and down busy Gregg Avenue. I couldn’t stop laughing because I could see people slowing down. I got a couple of honks.
One of my older neighbors shook his head, laughing. “You’re going to get arrested.”
🙂
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One of my fellow crazy people who works at an inconvenience store asked me again why I haven’t followed through on my prank. I didn’t have a good excuse now that my eyesight is restored.
What could possibly go wrong if I run up and down Poplar Street or along the trail near my apartment?
Most of the FPD I’ve encountered have been great. Executing this prank will determine with great certainty whether they appreciate the joke.
Even though I have much better necessities to spend my money on, I ordered an orange prison jumpsuit this morning.
I’ll keep you posted. 🙂
PS The excursion train runs in front of my apartment. Maybe they’ll see me soon, waving and running.
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We all use shorthand to communicate, even if it’s technically incorrect. That’s what fascinates me about language. Whether it’s the grammar police or people who have a pet peeve about things they perceive to be an accurate or wrong, the reality is that usage prevails over perceived correctness. Even if it makes your heart palpitate or your left eye twitch.
Lately, I’ve been biding my time and waiting. The other day, a self-appointed guardian of the imaginary rules of English stepped in it.
“F.B.I. is not an acronym. We describe it as an acronym but that’s not actually correct.”
“What? Of course it is. What are you talking about?”
“An acronym is pronounced as a word in and of itself, like ‘I.C.E.’ If you don’t pronounce the first letters in totality as a word, it is an initialism.”
Silence and confusion.
“That’s a technicality. Everyone knows what we mean when we call it an acronym.”
I smiled, a tiger trap of acknowledgment.
“Duh. That’s exactly how the rest of the world feels when you correct them. They’re communicating, not writing a thesis.”
“If I was interested…”
I cut them off, making a slashing motion with my hand. “That’s a violation. Improper use of the subjunctive.”
I didn’t even get the chance to say goodbye as the person walked away.
I should have axed them if they wanted to go get an expresso with me. I could of, but I didn’t feel like being pacific about it.
¡Viva el caos!
X
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I love the idea that a man with a beard and dressed as a woman while doing hula hoop routines has hundreds of thousands of followers. Meanwhile, a demented narcissist is actively ruining everything he touches.
It’s wild that this world is capable of intense whimsy and such hatred.
I would elect Daniel Middel as president at the drop of a hat. Press conferences at the White House would definitely be more entertaining. It’s also highly doubtful that he would waste our time spewing nonsense and hate.
Anyone capable of self-deprecation and humor earns an extra notch in my book of admiration.
A preemptive thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes. This picture is from 4 years ago, when I was forced into the role of superhero and shenanigans. Other than not hitting buildings while you’re flying, it’s very important to hydrate.
“We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.”
Vonnegut’s warning about adapting and conforming to roles and behaviors is as true today as it was 65 years ago.
It runs in the back of my mind all the time as I watch people sacrifice agency and personality.
If you dehumanize people, convinced you’re doing it for profit, eventually you are not separate from the organization that financially motivates you to do it.
If you spout ideology, whether for entertainment purposes or views, at some point you become your words.
The positive aspect of this is that of course you can become kinder by using habit to constantly reinforce the behavior you want from yourself.
The main focus that runs through my mind is that people are maintaining appearances and adopting personalities that serve them to make a living. Paradoxically, however, they often find themselves becoming what initially was a facade.
One of my favorite wood panels that I’ve made. I made it as a reminder of youth. And to never be the one on the sideline watching other people find a way to get the crayons and stick them out of their nostrils. I’ve not done well with this lately.
On this day 42 years ago, a few miscreants had to serve detention at Shermer High School.
I was really excited when work announced we would be getting a revolutionary AI to streamline inventory.
We need to stop getting IT techs from Family Dollar.
I sat at the eye doctor with my eyes dilated to the maximum. Waiting was an excuse to be creative. The attendant at first couldn’t believe I could see well enough to draw. He asked me what I was drawing. “An alien who accidentally took the wrong kind of laxative” was my off-the-cuff answer.
“Can I have it?”
I thought he was pranking me, but I could see by the look on his face that he was serious.
I handed him the card.
“This gives me an idea for a story,” he said.
I laughed and then realized I probably should explain my reaction.
“I’m not used to running into people like me.”
“People are generally tedious, aren’t they?”
He slipped the card in the front pocket of his scrubs.
You never know.
I had better pictures of the eclipse this morning. But I like this one better because it cost me a little bit of my sanity trying to hold my camera still for 30 seconds to get it.
Evidently, saying “I’m gas-powered!” when you experience flatulence doesn’t pardon the act like you think it would. No more than always keeping a taller friend around to protect yourself from lightning is an acceptable safety measure. (Although it is effective.)
As for worry and regret, remember if you had done something truly catastrophic, a time traveler would have come back in time to stop you.
As for perversion, people in the medical field will tell you that you should never do anything that you might have to explain to a paramedic.
Most of us are just one insight away from being capable of profound change. The problem is that we’re too busy looking at our phones to experience life, followed by the silence that opens the door for new thoughts.
For those who have to endure meetings, jump up and shout, “Oh my God! I forgot!” And then run out of the room. No one will question you and you’ll have enough time to figure out an excuse by the time you come back.
P.S. Parenthetically Speaking 