Category Archives: Social Rules

Social Rules

11112014 Things That People Insist on “Knowing”

People are not more discourteous than they once were. 

The world is not growing stupider. 
The crime rate isn’t increasing. 
But the insistence in parroting these claims is an apparent epidemic.
For much of the human race, life is better than it ever has been and we have the ability to make life for the entire planet better for everyone if we focus on that goal.
People sometimes call me negative – yet they are often the ones spouting the craziness of how they feel the world is “dumber, more rude, and more dangerous” than in times past. It’s not true. But what a great sound bite.
Social Rules

11102014 Defending Yourself Can Backfire

Let’s face it: many times you are often right about something. When you are confronted by someone with superior debate or wordplay skills, it doesn’t take long to feel very defensive. Or stupid. Argument isn’t always about being right – many times it is about dominance. Why would you want to engage in that sort of behavior automatically? Some people are astoundingly good debaters and orators. Some are blowhards.

You should generally be open to listening to ideas and evaluate them based on merit – otherwise it is probably indicative of you being the one with the problem. But you also always have the final say about when or if you are going to listen to them. Anyone who is verbally bullying you into “listening” should be shooed away as quickly as possible.

I don’t know about you but I don’t learn much when I’m being screamed at. Or intimidated. Or when it feels like anything short of totally voluntary. I don’t need Bill O’Reilly in my life.

I have a couple of people in my life who are so confrontational about any difference of opinion that I don’t even engage, even if they erroneously conclude that they have talked me into a loss. People who are really great at argument always rephrase your point to either ignore it to belittle it.The only real loss is one involving your time and energy.

(We’ve also learned that the only way to win is to not play the game.)

Many people also tell me that I come across as smarter and self-confident when I choose to stay silent. But mostly, like many people, I find it hard to not engage. The more pompous the accuser, the more difficult it is for me to avoid putting my foot in the other person’s mouth.

 

Social Rules, Technology

11112014 Facebook and Social Media Reveal More Than You Realize…

Originally, I had snippets of posts from people on FB. Some of the profanity, violence, and anger is difficult to reconcile with living, breathing people. Were it 1 or 2 instances of this, it could be chalked up to hyperbole, accident, or a misunderstanding.Whether our president, senator or city council is liberal or conservative, I hate that people I know would resort to calling for hanging, beheading, or violence toward them or their families.

Personally, if you are frequently posting or hitting ‘like’ on posts that contain inflammatory and hateful language such as this, you are approaching some level of responsibility for it. If you hit ‘like’ where the majority of the people posting are saying things like this, all your protestations notwithstanding, it’s logical to deduce that you are generally in agreement with them. You can hide behind the fact that you didn’t personally hit ‘like,’ but it’s illogical to argue that you don’t condone hate speech or that type of discussion. I try to avoid being associated with the fringes, instead participating in places where people observe the decorum of racous debate and interaction without the need to resort to horrific name-calling and violence. I like crazy. Just not “angry crazy.”

It is evident that many people don’t have the “ticker” on the right-side of their FB – or if they do, they may not understand just how much it reveals. For the most part, if you hit ‘like,’ comment, post, share, or do any activity recorded by facebook, people can see what you are doing, what sites you are interacting with and click on these in real time, or scroll backwards in time and see what you’ve been up to. If you find me in the ticker, you’ll find that I’m clicking on a lot of liberal nonsense and posting zany commentary and pictures. I work to avoid jumping into the crazy pools of people spewing anger without any creativity or imagination. (I like when I’m insulted, for example, as long as whoever does it is creative and avoids clichés or boring methods.)

I’m having trouble reconciling the people I know with the hateful, angry, twisted activity that shows on facebook. People might be cautious about what they comment on or share, for example, but the ticker reveals a much different personality than that which they are concealing indirectly. I’m not stalking anyone, just observing and, over time, coming to conclusions.

It’s one thing to be a crazy liberal or conservative, but I don’t think it’s smart to be communicating your participation in hateful, angry content on social media. It’s certainly your right to do so, but please don’t be surprised when people start noticing a pattern of engagement.

I understand that you might hate Tom Cotton or Obama. Disagreement, even passionate disagreement, is a great thing. Poisoning your own views with violent language and crazy speech is only going to hurt you in the long run.

If you are hitting “like” or participating on the fringes of social media, FB is keeping track and in many cases, sharing your activity with others, even if you don’t realize it.

Personal, Social Rules

10162014 Pre-Eating: Moral Necessity or Social Gaffe?

http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=17592&picture=pre-race-focus    Link to original picture before modification by me, photo by Peter Griffin.

For years, I’ve been a strong advocate for “pre-eating.” In fact, years ago, I submitted several alternate entries for Urban Dictionary. Since then, I’ve noted with pride that the shame previous associated with the practice has mostly disappeared. Many people do it without realizing how many others are doing it, too.

For perfectionists out there, I concede that if you eat prior to a social engagement and then fail to eat during said engagement that you are no longer “pre-eating.” Instead, you are simply eating. Noted.

It is a very complex process, so here it is:
Before any social engagement where eating is an integral aspect of the function, eat until you are mostly satisfied BEFORE going to the social event. That’s it – I was just kidding about how complicated it is.

Does your sister-in-law routinely prepare food after shaving her 6 dogs on top of the stove? Do the dishes at your cousin’s house look like they were rejects from a Hoarders Episode? Are your friends crazy vegans? If you are a woman (or weird guy) concerned with her weight or concerned with other people’s perceptions of your eating habits, “pre-eating” is the recommended course. The focus is on regaining control of your own dining. Without shame or remorse.

Pre-eating takes away the thrill of possibly fainting from lack of food. It puts the control directly in your hands about when and what you eat. It eliminates the doubt about every variable. Granted, if you pre-eat, you can still eat lightly at the social engagement in question. But you don’t have to arrive and then begin to fantasize about eating the napkins, or grown increasingly concerned once you discover that the main course is a half-cooked mongoose served on bamboo shoots. You are covered in either scenario.

Likewise, if you misjudge how much you should have eaten, there are few things more rewarding than an unplanned run to Taco Bell or McDonalds.

Pre-eating works at Thanksgiving, for birthdays, or even parties. There is no shame in eating before arriving. The host has already spent the money and prepared the food – technically, you haven’t deprived them of any money or enjoyment. The point of a social engagement is conversation, sharing company and enjoying moments together. The food is secondary. It is NEVER a good idea to get so hungry that the social function becomes a distraction to the question “Is it time to eat yet?”

Pre-eating also works for business lunches, suppers and dinners. All of us have been invited (or ordered!) to attend a business lunch or supper. But we often don’t control the place, time or specifics. Who hasn’t been seated, only to find out 2 hours later that your main course was just accidentally snatched from the kitchen by wild dogs? Since it is a professional setting, you can’t do like you would normally do and start kicking and crying, begging the waiter to bring you a slice of white bread and dab of butter – before you either pass out or imagine strangling someone else and taking their food from their hands. Who hasn’t been to business luncheon with the promise of food, only to find 6 packages of crackers and a block of dried Parmesan cheese on the table, with 9 pairs of hungry eyes secretly jockeying for position to both act disinterested while simultaneously planning the best method to poke the next guy in the eyeball with an umbrella if you don’t get your share?

Pre-eating: take control. 

Social Rules, Whimsical

09232014 Stapp’s Ironical Paradox


 
Stapp’s ironical paradox: “The universal aptitude for ineptitude makes any human accomplishment an incredible miracle.”
 .
P.S. This picture is of my dad, after he miraculously avoiding being killed after driving into a holler while incredibly intoxicated. True Story, too…
Biographical, Social Rules

Adrian Peterson Social Media Commentary

My dad on the left. I didn’t make the notations on the picture.

Recently, I posted a status update on social media. It generated a lot of personal commentary, which is one of the best things that is possible from social media. I’ve written and talked about some of the abuse. It’s not a secret, especially in my regard.

For Adrian Peterson’s case, please keep in mind that I am in no way a sports fan. What triggered such a reaction from me were the words coming out of his mouth in regards to how he behaved. It’s bad enough when a blue-collar works echoes those sentiments, but when a famous multimillionaire does it while cloaking himself in both the Bible and old-fashioned “that’s what they done to me,” it galls me relentlessly. I could use the same idiotic logic and beat my spouse and children, too, almost to the point of death – because that is how some in my family deal with their problems.

“Not to cast aspersions on Adrian Peterson, but commentary: my father thought it would be appropriate to hit me across the back with a wooden rake. I wasn’t looking when he did it – the rake broke across my lower back. I urinated blood for days and didn’t get medical attention. He hit me with his fists, inner tubes, belts, sticks on many other occasions, yet I was somehow made to feel guilty about it – and then face the revisionists who would still insist that it wasn’t that bad. It’s a constant battle to not scream at other adults for failing to distinguish between discipline and abuse. If you are disciplining your child and draw blood or create bruises, you deserve to lose your job, go to jail, and be judged. Get help. If you are hurting your children to that degree, you are raising future adults who are heading into life as damaged victims ready to repeat the cycle.I would give anything to go back to several moments in my life and dole out in equal measure what was given to me. That desire is one of the single biggest impediments to living a joyous life.”

Several people contacted me privately, as they had a lot to say about it. Abuse, whether it is psychological or physical, is more common that people would like to acknowledge. It’s also commonly hidden and actively concealed from others. There are so many reasons that such things aren’t talked about.

Here are a few of the excerpts from social media (public comment, not private content):
 
“The system will work great IF people will talk. When they see it or hear, they should call or better yet go talk to someone to report it. Face-to-face makes the story much more credible. It’s not the police’s fault or social services when really all that needs to be done to vastly improve this is for people to come forward and tell someone.”

 “A lot of people ask why people wait until the are adults before speaking out. As a child you are afraid and ashamed. You believe it is your fault. The guilt combined with the fear is overwhelming. You also believe the threats to harm you or your loved ones are real. If you do tell someone, they don’t believe it, or choose to ignore it because it is too ugly. It takes years to recover to the point of being able to talk about it. When you do, people don’t understand unless they experienced it too.”

“ALSO, other members of your family can be very disapproving of your coming forward. They will try to shame you into silence.”

 “…everything you say about abuse is true. People need to speak it instead of hide it, for many reasons. There is so much abuse in the world it’s sickening.”


“I so agree. And you know it’s hard when defenders say…. It’s private. I’m a firm believer in sunshine makes situations better.”

“Did you know that Adrian Peterson also stuffed LEAVES into his boy’s mouth to keep him from screaming? He also whipped him in the testicles. I think everyone I respect is going to say that stuffing a kid’s mouth with leaves is evidence of pure crazy.”  (Allegedly?)

Others wrote privately about their own struggles and specifics. Much of it was a total surprise to me. I’m glad I wrote the post, even though it shared “too much” for some people. I noticed several key people in my life didn’t touch the post, even though it was sponsored and all over their news feeds.

It is always odd to me when someone engages in an open and honest way and other people have so much baggage that they are afraid to interact.  We can talk and snipe endlessly about politics and other superficial things but when the focus turns intense and personal, for some people, they simply can’t do it.