Category Archives: Personal

Fayetteville, Personal

Color

Leave a comment

Lost in color is the best way to describe my early morning. 1000 birds, all of them singing, and two I had never seen before. Waiting for the sunrise and watching the clouds race over me, revealing blues, purples, and infinite variations between. Even my little car, a half-mile away, looked like it had been forged from the blue of a Caribbean Sea. 

I wandered down through a culvert that I probably should have left unattended. Once I reached the creek bottom, at least a dozen gray catbirds chirped a symphony for me. Going through the brush that didn’t want to be penetrated, I ran into Pine and Palm warblers. Yellow looked freakishly novel to me. 

Suddenly having crystal clear vision has been a knock in the head. I catch myself staring not only at my prisms with new eyes, but shadows and variations that have been lost to me. And yes, I can see the dirt and dust that inevitably accumulates. But who has time for that? You can dust and de-dust without pause, never reaching the end of it. But you can also go out and wander. 

Occasionally, there have been sirens wailing in the background, because where there are people, there is turmoil. Even if you do everything right, that same turmoil will frequent your life at random intervals. It shouldn’t push your eyes and ears away from enjoying the stupidly simple things all around you. 

But what do I know? I’m just a guy wandering around with soaked feet and a smile on my face.

Fayetteville, Personal

Progress

Leave a comment

As the sky darkened and the wind blew, I walked barefoot along the new connecting trail spur that runs north of Lakeside. 

It was once an oasis and almost unpassable. It’s a modern convenience. It still holds a sliver of the natural magic it once did, but I can’t appreciate it yet. 

The expanse of exotic cattails is fighting back. You can see it on the north side of the paved trail, a boggy mess. When I went through today, I smiled because a few dozen of these alien cattails are growing back fast, after being destroyed. 

I watched a giant of a skateboarder roll down the long hill, his lanky arms held horizontal to the ground as if he were flying.

I saw dozens of errant golf balls from the course surrounding the small lake. They look like perfect little eggs, scattered in the grass, rocks, and mud. 

As beautiful and relaxing as it was, I still hold a grudge that the unusable natural habitat has been traversed surgically with concrete.  

Personal

See

Leave a comment

I woke up momentarily confused at 12:21 a.m. Rain was hitting the side of my leg. The tornado siren was going off and the power was out. Even though I woke up 33 times last night because of the clear plastic shield over my eye, that confused me even more. 

It was completely surreal and disorienting. 

I made cheesecake out of the buttermilk of the situation. I’ve spent a couple of hours out on my landing enjoying the smell, look, and feel of a completely dark neighborhood, experimenting with my newly renewed eyesight. 

I hate that my eyes, although blessed with incredibly youthful nerves and venous structure, fell prey to rapid-onset milkiness. I got a new lens in my right eye yesterday. My vision already feels like I’m looking out a recently and perfectly cleaned window, after staring out through dirty glass. 

I took a lot of pictures, experimenting with color and perspective. The power is still out but it feels like the last few hours passed in a few seconds. 

I’m appreciative of the science that has renewed my eyesight. I’m going to miss the kaleidoscopic rainbows that the defect gave me in the last few weeks. 

Personal

Redeemer

Leave a comment

The wind was my redeemer this morning. This should be the last morning I get to enjoy the deeper colors caused by the juxtaposition of darkness, lights, and the defect in my eyes.

It was a little symphony. The insects, the wind in the trees, even the distant wind chimes crescendoing and fading.  

The thousands of steps weren’t enough. I didn’t want it to end. Time always gets the last word.

Birthday, Humor, Personal

Why Not?

Leave a comment

A preemptive thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes. This picture is from 4 years ago, when I was forced into the role of superhero and shenanigans. Other than not hitting buildings while you’re flying, it’s very important to hydrate.

Art, Behavior, Humor, Personal, Poetry And Prose

Pretend

Leave a comment

“We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.” 

Vonnegut’s warning about adapting and conforming to roles and behaviors is as true today as it was 65 years ago. 

It runs in the back of my mind all the time as I watch people sacrifice agency and personality. 

If you dehumanize people, convinced you’re doing it for profit, eventually you are not separate from the organization that financially motivates you to do it.

If you spout ideology, whether for entertainment purposes or views, at some point you become your words.

The positive aspect of this is that of course you can become kinder by using habit to constantly reinforce the behavior you want from yourself. 

The main focus that runs through my mind is that people are maintaining appearances and adopting personalities that serve them to make a living. Paradoxically, however, they often find themselves becoming what initially was a facade.

One of my favorite wood panels that I’ve made. I made it as a reminder of youth. And to never be the one on the sideline watching other people find a way to get the crayons and stick them out of their nostrils. I’ve not done well with this lately. 

New Word, Opinion, Personal, Politics, Psychology

Dumbass-Keurig Effect

Leave a comment

Maximum confidence. Minimum information. 

People who know the least tend to be the most certain. I see it day in and day out. I modified the original name of this and call it the Dumbass-Keurig effect, because it’s likely you’ll hear the dumbest nonsense when someone’s holding a cup of coffee and giving an opinion, completely oblivious to the fact that you want to put in an MRI order for them just to determine whether there’s a brain in there or not.

As an example, someone close to me recently had to deal with someone calling one of the most knowledgeable, educated people she knew “dumber than a box of rocks.” 

It’s a tactic employed by ignorance to dismiss the presence of knowledge and intelligence. It’s corollary is the boring and clichè “no common sense” accusation. 

Ignorance is a fixable condition. We’re all ignorant about a variety of things, often including things that deeply affect us. That’s okay, provided that we accept our lack of knowledge and understanding. 

Which leads me back to my original point:  Don’t leave your fingers inside the door frame when you close the car door. 

Opinion, Personal, Psychology

Observation

Leave a comment

“It’s not that evil wouldn’t recognize itself in the mirror. It never pauses for self-reflection. Evil is compromised by certainty. It’s not that all certain people are evil, but it’s demonstrably true that all evil people are certain.”

-Quote from an obscure American

Güino is incredibly close to being 18 now. I put him on a freshly-washed towel so that he could enjoy the warmth.

Humor, Personal

Eye For I

Leave a comment

I sat at the eye doctor with my eyes dilated to the maximum. Waiting was an excuse to be creative. The attendant at first couldn’t believe I could see well enough to draw. He asked me what I was drawing. “An alien who accidentally took the wrong kind of laxative” was my off-the-cuff answer.

“Can I have it?”

I thought he was pranking me, but I could see by the look on his face that he was serious.

I handed him the card.

“This gives me an idea for a story,” he said.

I laughed and then realized I probably should explain my reaction.

“I’m not used to running into people like me.”

“People are generally tedious, aren’t they?”

He slipped the card in the front pocket of his scrubs.

You never know.

Behavior, Brother, Government, Opinion, Personal, Social Rules, Trump

Cut By Cut

Leave a comment

My brother Mike sometimes lives in my head for reasons that would irritate the piss out of him. When I listen to AM talk radio, it is his voice I hear, superimposed on whichever oversimplifying demagogue is talking. I used to call him Mike O’Reilly. “I don’t know” was not a phrase you would ever hear from him. “Is there a better way” is a dangerous question for those who are possessed by certainty. 

My brother was an authoritarian at heart. There’s no question of this. The tendency escalated as he grow older. Authoritarianism brings dominance and violence.

He loved begging the question. All of this swirls in my head because of what’s going on with all the dubious ICE activity. 

“You can’t lawfully stop someone or detain them just because you want to.” My brother’s answer to that was that I was naive. That police everywhere can and do exactly that. Some do. Which of course, is true. He conveniently ignored the word “lawfully” in my observation, just as all the Trump-supporting constitutional simpletons are currently doing. 

Almost all of ICE’s abuse would evaporate instantly if they followed the Constitution. But they don’t – and the more people argue that what they’re doing is legally justified is pushing us collectively down a dark road. 

Anyone denying the political motivation of choosing Minnesota over Texas is breathing the fumes from their gas tank. I don’t mind a little idiocy because it keeps people like Tom Cotton entertained. The problem is that abuse has tendrils that reach unexpected places. That which we permit anywhere will eventually reach us. 

Does anyone believe that if every person not lawfully here left the country today that the huge military apparatus ICE has become would disappear? That their budget would be given back and used appropriately? In the same way that police or prison budgets almost never decrease, ICE isn’t going anywhere because this administration is using it in a way that it wasn’t intended to be used. 

If your argument is enforcement, we have the technology and the ability to “solve” that problem for 1/1000th the cost. Without the violence, mayhem, and turmoil. It is so obviously motivated by the desire to engender those consequences. 

PS I am in awe of the mental gymnastics some people are employing to justify encroaching on our constitutional rights. Once abridged, they rarely return. You may support those who are currently encroaching them, but you’ll be wondering what happened once the dust settles. We will all be 3/5ths when it’s over. 

X

.