Category Archives: Whimsical

Social Rules, Whimsical

03132015 The Arkie Exorcist…

insidious

After reading a few dozen stories about our esteemed State Rep Justin Harris, what strikes me once again is that a lot of people KNEW what was happening. As with most stupidity and wrongdoing, people are around – watching, listening, observing. It is so much easier to allow idiots to pass us by. (I do it all the time, too.) It’s fascinating to see just how far people are allowed to go, using the most outlandish and harmful nonsense to justify their craziness. The good news is that we will have a movie made of it, I’m sure.

P.S. Can we all agree that if anyone seriously mentions an exorcism as a viable alternative to anything that we can place the person giving it is an option in protective mental watch for 30 days?

Whimsical

02042015 The New “Shoot-Me-Not” Home Defense Invention


New Product!

Let’s face it – not everyone needs a gun. Or wants one. Especially that one friend we all know who one day is going to accidentally shoot his own elbow off while either cleaning his gun or doing the laundry. If you don’t have such a friend, then YOU are that person.

My company hired 23 focus groups, solicited the advice of 6 engineers and after ignoring every single thing they told us, I created the perfect home defense device using my imagination.

If you need to maintain the appearance of protection, buy the new, improved “Shoot-Me-Not” r̶i̶f̶l̶e̶, complete with stock and barrel – and nothing else. You can’t load it, because it is constructed of solid materials from front to back. (Legal notice: this device can be used as a club or bludgeon, if swung in an arcing motion against the noggin of the person who needs to be reminded who is boss.) (Grammar note: I don’t care what the proper verb form of any verb used in this product description is supposed to be – we are talking “guns” and defense, areas where logic and correctness never tread.)

The new, totally safe “Shoot-Me-Not” Rifle Barrel. Shoots zero rounds per minute. While sticking it out the window or surprising an intruder with it might or might not scare the miscreant to death, it will guarantee that you will not get shot with your own gun – or shoot someone you love in the head while they are getting up to go to the bathroom or drinking milk out of the carton. Finely crafted from whatever materials we have on hand, we will guarantee that it will at least be good enough to prop open a window on summer days.

If you are worried that someone is creeping around your azaleas, instead of blasting them to hell and high water, poke the patented “Scaredy-Pants” technology rifle barrel through the nearest door or window and yell, “Freeze,” or, if you are more humorous, yell “What’s the square root of 343?” (Most criminals tend to be more frightened of math or soap than guns.)

Plus, you can also pose with photos of this fine rifle barrel without running the risk of harming the neighbors, shooting off your other pinky toe, or getting on another pesky mailing list of that national organization dedicated to protecting all the gun rights you could possibly dream up.

This device is available in black, silver, rainbow, flashing neon, and black. Yes, we said ‘black’ twice, because we have a boatload of that color.

All parts for this device assembled in Iceland, using the latest Common Core standards.
This model retails for $12, shipping is $125.
If you buy two, please buy three.

The above picture is a vector image, so that you can admire more closely the high quality artistic designs on this device!
Minimalism, Whimsical

02022015 Everything Is Both Beautiful and Defective

Taken in a certain context, most people would agree that this quiet street is beautiful.

If you think about it, though, each house has some tremendous defects such as leaky roofs, ill-fitting doors, cracked windows, and a litany of other defects. The plumbing system certainly must emit many foul odors at certain times of the day. Parking on this street or even walking is probably treacherous much of the time. We are all, each of us, exactly like this picture.

Carefully observed, there are a lot of warts in this picture – if you look closely. The imperfections are almost overwhelming if you zoom in or experience these houses and this street firsthand.

But still, we can look at this picture and see the beauty.

Is it because our focus is distracted? Or because we can admire that which is new to the eye?

I’m not sure, but there is a lesson for each of us hidden in plain sight.

Advertisement, Whimsical

02012015 Commercial Idea for Cheatos / Cheetos

Cheatos: Lower calorie Cheetos: new product idea.

Dude on couch eating random snack chip.
Chester Cheetah comes in and puts on his sunglasses.

“If you’re going to be unfaithful to the cheetah, at least eat these.”

He throws a bag of snacks at a surprised dude on his couch. Cheetos spill everywhere, surprising the dude. The camera closes in on the half-spilled bag, which says “Cheatos.”

“All the hip, with more health.”

Whimsical

Thoughts and Amusements in PIctures

(The one above is supposed to be tongue-in-cheek, given the scowl 🙂  )

I obscured the front person’s face because I think she might have been upset over the original picture. Everyone loved it – except her. I don’t understand that sort of thing at all, but it is her choice to dislike her picture being used, so now I go with this anonymized version.

Social Rules, Whimsical

01052015 Monday

 (And a recommendation for anyone who doesn’t mind NSFW language to visit Honest Trailers on the internet and enjoy themselves for hours…)

 (None of these pictures were taken in Antarctica, but it irritates Facebook tremendously for me to mis-tag pictures! ) People often fault me for having too much time on my hands or too much creativity. As if I have more hours in the day than others or that minimalism doesn’t have its payback in time devoted to trivial pursuits…

 
“…and probably wants you to adopt their focus on life…”

 
Self-explanatory truth, substantiated more than ever by this week’s miraculous win.

 
(Because people forget that I am huge fan of the beautiful Spanish language and miss it from being immersed in my life…)

 
Everything about our lives is available, most of it for free, and all of it is at the disposal of any living person who wants to pay for it. It’s an uncomfortable truth…

 
As a bona fide fuddy-duddy old person, I can see that people’s ideas are rapidly evolving about social media. Don’t be the cliché old man on the porch with a bucket of rocks…

If you are the guy who gets on social media and tells everyone your girlfriend is cheating on you, you’ve got bigger problems than typing it into an electronic communicaiton device where everyone else can see it.

A shout-out for minimalism, very much in need in a lot of people’s lives, not to mention their closets, garages, attics, storage units, etc.

This is a picture of my dad. He would be the harshest critic of social media if he were still alive. On the other hand, his version of social media was to drink to excess and then share everything with everybody, whether they wanted to hear it or not – like a low-tech version of social media. Except socially. While being anti-social.