Someone is trying to make it sound like that it is a secret that I didn’t talk to my own mother for a long, long time until fairly soon before her death. Everyone close to me knows the circumstances and can’t understand why I tolerated such anger for so many decades. Whatever my actions toward her, it was up to her to live a good life, independent of my opinion of her.
I had written about my mom many times on my blog, and social media, well before her death and while she was sick. It’s no secret and everyone who knows me or reads my blog is well aware of it and the circumstances that led to it. My parent’s issues were a major stumbling block for me for most of my life. I could have used their violence and attitude to justify things I did – some of my family chose that path.We each must look back and make our own conclusions about how it affected us.
My decision to stop talking to my mom was mine to make; whether anyone else agrees with another version of this “truth” is for that person to decide. Mom’s legacy is quite well known to people. She left a path of anger behind her. I didn’t stop talking to her for a long time to punish her, but rather to try to live a more normal, sane life for myself. I couldn’t do it with her crazy drinking and anger. (To be honest, it is the same reason I don’t talk to many other family members. I don’t appreciate their behavior and don’t live like that.)
As for the problem last year with another family member, my only goal was to “get away” from it and insist on being left alone. Again, everyone involved knows the truth. Attempts to characterize it any other way are nothing more than angry tirades to lash out at other people and to distract from the sadness and violence in other people’s lives. I worked very hard to avoid causing pain and suffering to the other family member. Sometimes, looking back, I think I should have followed the advice given to me, but most of the time, I’m glad I took the tougher route.
I didn’t write specifically about the other issue because regardless of what happened, I thought it was an invasion of the other family member’s privacy for me to do so, regardless of how angry anyone had been about it. My other family member worked hard to get back to a place of “better” in his or her life, just like I did. Ranting and screaming about it on social media doesn’t add anything positive to the issue. It wasn’t my right to tell that story. Again, though, everyone who knows the people involved understand how and why. That someone not involved is lying about who, what, when and where is to be expected, given their life up to this point. They don’t know any better and don’t understand that most people don’t live with all the drama and damage that they find to be normal. When all you’ve done is plant poison in life, it should be expected to find bitter fruit in their crop. It’s just disappointing. You’ll notice that I don’t mention names or lash out just to feel that righteous indignation being let out. I can only imagine he or she would feel if they read or heard some of the nonsense being spouted on social media. Using that person’s pain to rant makes the person being angry look childish and spiteful.
I can’t worry about the lesser people in life using their anger and revisionist stupidity to lash out over and over. Comparing my life against theirs leaves no mistake which ones of us are trying to live an authentic life, even if misunderstood, instead of one characterized by wrath and destruction.