1st Annual Springdale 24.85 Furlong Blowdart Extravaganza

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1st Annual Springdale 24.85 Furlong Blowdart Extravaganza…

2 ways to enter: Register to run as a contestant in the event, which costs $45 or you can opt to pay $250 to blow darts at those running. You can also volunteer to remove the sluggards who get darted.

We started our race this year in response to those athletes who wanted to do something fun while simultaneously looking ridiculous. We knew the event would appeal to those who like to look and act like athletes without all the fuss– and we all can agree these few weirdos are the ones most in need of being darted.

There are 2 main prizes: $5 to the fastest time running the race and $2000 to whomever darts the most people running. There is a consolation prize for “Most Stylish Dance (Get It Out of My Back)” move of 10 free acupuncture appointments.

We also opted to use furlongs as the de facto measurement for the race length, as no one in their right minds understands the Metric system. It also sounds more impressive than saying you’ve run in a puny 5K race. 24.85 furlongs, even though it is the same distance as 5K, gives the race the pomp and circumstance needed to elevate the reputation of the event.

“We anticipate that the speed of the race will be very fast. Also, we expect a lot of zig-zagging and drop-and-roll maneuvers once the race gets going. To add more excitement, half of the darts with be filled with sedatives and half will be full of stimulants.” – Quote from Mona Payne, Event Disorganizer.

Bring your kids because with their sense of frivolity and bad coordination, we are expecting some surprises as the darts started landing in unexpected places.

(Let’s be honest, folks. ‘Fun-Run’ is about the worst oxymoron known to mankind. If you ain’t being chased, and you think running is something you do for fun, you don’t get out of the house much.)



PS: I made this in response to the real Springdale 5K Turkey Trot “FunRun.”

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