Militias = Ham Sandwiches

The first portion is supposed to be funny, in light of the recent mess with the Oregon militia.

I’m going to start my own militia. We are not going to stockpile weapons or take turns butchering interpretations of our nation’s laws. Our primary focus will be to eradicate that most vile of social ills: the ham sandwich.

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The following is what I posted around the time of the Liberty Bowl, a collegiate football competition…

I heard a rumor that the primary geographical public university for this area competed in a NCAA-sanctioned bowl of little import today, against a team that could best be described as “the puny kid next door.” We evidently utilized our student athletes, all volunteers, who used their collective brainpower to transport the pig-skin prolate spheroid across an imaginary line with greater frequency than the opponents. As a result, the $11,000 per day coach will now receive an additional financial reward, of which I’m proud, as priorities must be honored in the appropriate order.

I pray this will eliminate the perennial and infinite post-mortem analysis of this season, followed by the cliché of “we’ll do better next year.” And don’t forget the sports analogies involving grit, fortitude and other vaguely heroic adjectives interspersed with arcane statistics that are as interesting as listening to me yodel an opera in Chinese.

Next year is always crowded, populated by the ongoing fantasies of future glory.

Wake me up when we play ASU. Thanks

(Is this too much? )

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