Gongzilla

This is a true story, and my wife was a witness and/or victim to it… Gongzilla. Inside the Fayetteville Auto Park Honda dealership, there is a gong to the right as one enters the main building. That thing beckoned and whispered to me like a syringe of heroin. In my defense, I initially didn’t do it because a nice lady with a very small baby came in and sat down with her back to the door. I was afraid she would throw the baby across the room in startled surprise if I gonged her without warning. Thrown babies, no matter the circumstance, usually don’t cause the desired comedic response, despite the oft-cited “baby with the bath water” cliché.

At the right time, I casually made my way to the door, acting nonchalantly and without indication I was going to grab the hammer. Two staff members were to my right and when they were both distracted, I quickly removed the soft hammer hanging on the right of the 4-foot gong, reared back like Hank Aaron, and swung that gong hammer as if I were Thor after losing my hammer for six weeks.

I hit that gong so hard that the gentleman to the right of the door almost swallowed his dentures. It was amazing! The gong resonated so loudly that it seemed as if the windows bulged like the walls did in “The Matrix.” Even I was shocked how loudly the gone echoed. Most of the staff applauded and laughter erupted. Several people seemed as if they wished they had worn adult diapers for accidents as they turned or half-jumped up from their comfortable chairs. No coffee or soda was thrown and luckily, no one bit off the end of their tongue. There were a few curse words that drifted lazily in the air, mostly drowned out by the godlike bomb drop of the gong’s metallic thunder. Afterwards, it occurred to me that it was also nice that no one suffering from PTSD or possessing a concealed carry permit over-reacted, either.

Forget a trip to Portland or hiking the trails of Asia. For me, nothing can compare to the zeal and happiness of that Zen moment that I almost caused cardiac arrest for those people unlucky to have been in the room the day I couldn’t overcome my urge to bang the gong. Call me Gongzilla if you wish. I didn’t even know that such a bong strike was on my bucket list. Thank you, life, for giving me the chance to express myself in a way that I didn’t even know I needed! Love, X

 

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Only slightly less popular than Jason’s Deli… Jason’s Urinal.

jasons urinal.jpg

As John Cage from Ally McBeal often said, “This pleases me.” I know you already think I am crazy, but this made me laugh more than you can imagine. It is a picture of the urinal at Jason’s Deli in Fayetteville yesterday morning.

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Given the number of people dying at the summit of Mt. Everest, am I the only one who has come up with the idea of renaming it Mr. Foreverest?

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