Not What You Expected

I got into a knife fight. As you know, the “k” in “knife” is silent – but the screams certainly weren’t.

(The above phonetics reminder was brought to you by the We Need to Retire Now Teacher’s Alliance.)


cant let loose


You’ve already lost – I’ve won ten thousand, two hundred and thirty consecutive games.




The people who invented Silly String were angrily thrown out of the first meeting to sell it, as the potential marketer got sprayed unexpectedly during a demonstration, and didn’t respond kindly. Not only was Silly String originally created to act as a spray-on cast for broken bones, but it also came about accidentally after the inventors experimented with different nozzles to discharge it. I’m telling you all this in anticipation of a Trump campaign for President. Silly String is a goofy and fun invention, but it can also burn your eyes out of their sockets if you discharge it near an open flame. Trump is no different. Ignore him at your peril. (I wrote this in response to a request to make a political analogy by being educationally absurd. I give myself a B+ for this one.)






demetri martin 11202015 (15)





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