Isn’t It Funny?

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A poem I wrote to verify whether people read the content.

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Noted baseball historian Ralph Ettenmeyer notes that Mike Pence was a naturally-gifted player. His well-earned nickname: Dingbat

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Schrödinger’s Rain: It’s raining cats OR dogs.

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Misheard News of the Day: Tyson announced its first antibiotic-free chicken today. In other news, antibiotics will now be chicken-free.

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“Evidently, I’m a little too fabulous. I got a ticket for (g)littering on the side of the road.” – X

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Joke/ Satire?    After my last Tyson chicken joke, Corporate wrote me, asking me to enumerate my frustrations with the company. #1: It’s not ethical that the food taste test division stole the smell of my old work boots as the inspiration for the flavor of their frozen chicken breasts. (In truth, this story is almost true but I’ll leave it to you to decide which part is technically an exaggeration.)

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If people demand an answer when you don’t have one, here’s the best reply: “I don’t know, would you like me to go fill up at the Guess Station?” It works great when spoken, especially if screamed as a response or after ingesting hallucinogens.

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I was asked to write a clever quip about human error. This isn’t supposed to be taken literally or as an endorsement of stupidity.

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If I were a teacher, I would hate trying to explain “Do the right thing” in this world dominated by Trump and people like him.

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For those who love those “Is your refrigerator running?” jokes, here’s a gift:
Call Tyson Corporate and ask…
“Do you have frozen chicken breasts?”

When you call, ask for Tina – she loves a good joke.

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After my last Tyson chicken joke, Corporate wrote me, asking me to enumerate my frustrations with the company. #1: It’s not ethical that the food taste test division stole the smell of my old work boots as the inspiration for the flavor of their frozen chicken breasts. (In truth, this story is almost true but I’ll leave it to you to decide which part is technically an exaggeration.)

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On health care: “Single Payer doesn’t have a Single Prayer.”

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Keeping nude photos is a bad idea. But if you do, it seems like you should store them on a ‘flash’ drive.

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The restaurant review said that the place was very intimate. I’d say so. The waiter put his tongue in my ear while listing all the house specials.

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Word of the Day: Doppelgänger – noun; a look-alike or counterpart to another person.

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We decided not to burn books – we are burning Facebooks instead because we’ve had enough of people sharing what they find meaningful with other people.

 

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Weird how people proudly shout, “Death from above.” No kidding. Where else is it going to come from? Are we filming the movie “Tremors?”

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Have you seen the new walking paths designed for poets? They are haiku-ing trails.

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Life is long, but really long if you’ve got gas in public.

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I am not saying he is a bad cook- but the only thing he could make is an asserole.

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The accounting team from Lewis and Smith Inc. are suing. They bought a package from the tour company to go witness the eclipse but when they arrived it turned out to be a subtotal eclipse instead.

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Warning: double pun/ foreign phrase combination:

At work there is a beautiful little spillway cavern, with a bubbling spring exiting the opening. When there is a breeze along the lower level it is a divine place.

Lately though, a security guard has been placing himself nearby and prohibiting entry to non-employees and anyone whose face he dislikes.

As I take break nearby sometimes, I tend to hear his admonitions to some of the interlopers.

Today he was getting verbally chastised by an older white guy. “Give me one good reason I’m not allowed over here!” Mr. White Guy shouted at the surprised guard.

I stood up so that the guard could see me. I held up a hand to indicate that I’d like to answer for him. The guard nodded his assent.

“Sir,” I said, loudly.

“The reason you’re not allowed here is because you are a ‘persona non grotto.’ ”

And I laughed.

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dddd

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Did you know that our current Attorney General’s real name is Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III? He answers to the name “Jeff,” given that his preferred name of “Cracker” was taken. He’s so white that he doesn’t need to put on a hood for the firelit meetings.

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