It was a rough day today, much like trying to explain the first amendment without flash cards to a cabal of conservative voters.

When I exited the inconvenience store, loud obnoxious music filled the air, as if a tone deaf demon were playing a violin and singing garbled Korean folk music. 

I casually looked into the car producing the nightmarish music. A rather menacing-looking man sat in the driver’s seat while smoking a cigar. 

Before thinking better of it, I reached into my car and pulled out one of my sets of headphones. 

I turned around and asked him if he needed some headphones. 

“No, but that was kind of you to offer.” He smiled really big.

“I wasn’t offering them out of kindness. I’m not very fond of my ears bleeding.” Keep in mind that I didn’t smile or give me any indication as to whether I was joking. 

The man took a second the process my complaint. Thankfully, he laughed. 

“You’re not a fan of Sleazy Milktoast MC?” He asked me. (That’s not what he actually said, but the string of syllables he cited as the name of the alleged singer might as well have been that.)

“I bet it’s good for clearing crowds,” I immediately answered. 

“You got jokes! That’s good. Hit me with another one.” 

It took me less than 1/20th of a second to fire back. “That music is to rap music what Creed is to rock.”

He laughed hard again. “What are you listening to in your tiny blue car?”

“Since I qualify for AARP, I’m required by federal law to listen to NPR or hardcore elevator music.” 

Because I just received a gift of the kind of expensive headphones I would never buy myself in a million years, I offered him my $12 pair again. 

“Nah, I’m good. Listening is performance art.” He grinned at his own cleverness. 

We exchanged a couple of more rapid-fire good-intentioned insults before I got in my car. It was very difficult to pretend that I wasn’t listening to NPR as I drove off. I waved as I drove away. He laughed again and waved his cigar out the window. 

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PS The included picture has zero to do with my story. The man in the picture was just an interesting guy out enjoying the day on the trail. 

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