Life is driven by coincidence at times. For example, the highly useful word “wanker” keeps popping up in my life. I had the opportunity to use it perfectly.

Because I’m out and about frequently, I’ve become accustomed to seeing certain people and knowing their behavior and eccentricities. Sometimes I see an older man who has difficulty walking fast. It doesn’t stop him from going out and enjoying the trails. He’s cautious.

I watched as he waited in the grass near the crosswalk, looking both ways multiple times and doing the math of velocity in his head so that he wouldn’t be a needless encumbrance on traffic. This particular crosswalk is at the bottom of the hill and people frequently drive 70 mph down it.

As I approached from the other direction, he started walking. A low flying plane disguised as a sedan flew down the hill. The pilot of the car began honking his horn quite a distance from the crosswalk. Which of course startled the elderly man crossing it. He froze and turned. Anyone who understands mobility issues knows that it’s difficult for some to turn quickly because it increases the risk of a fall. The airplane sedan slowed some in response. Instead of coming to a halt, he crossed over into the wrong lane and sped toward the traffic light as the older man stood a couple of feet away from the center of the crosswalk.

Sometimes I do things before I realize my feet are moving. I turned and sprinted toward the light. Standing on the sidewalk I made the international symbol for “roll down your window.”

The man did so. At which point I screamed, “Wanker!”

The man knew he was being insulted but didn’t understand how.

“Eff you, buddy!” His eloquence should be noted.

“I’m going to take a picture of your license when you go through the light.”

He continued his eloquence, cursing and what I would describe as True Alabaman. I watched as the light turned green and the man struggled to decide what to do. In perfect synchronicity, the light turned green.

I was delighted when the car behind the man honked furiously for him to move it.

As he pulled away, I pretended to take a picture of his license plate.

I’m hoping he’s stresses badly for the rest of the day. That he expects a call or a knock on his door asking why he’s flying his plane at more than twice the speed limit and failing to yield at a crosswalk.

Wanker.

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