I voted at the courthouse this morning. The last few elections have been amazing in terms of efficiency. I can’t say that they’re great elections if they keep wasting their time printing Tom Cotton’s name on the ballots.
I took every opportunity to either amuse or confuse everyone at the courthouse.
“My pants are metallic. Will they go through the metal detector properly?” The deputy looked over the console and then back up at my face. When he realized my serious face had changed to a huge smile, he shook his head. “Got me that time.”
“Is there a line just for the liberals? I bet it’s right in front of the shredder.”
“Can you just mark me down as opposed to Tom Cotton? I don’t really need to fool with a ballot.”
“Why would anybody run for Secretary of State? That’s a lot of typing and filing for 3 million people.”
“Now you know who I am and where I live. What’s your phone number?” The woman verifying IDs cackled with delight because I winked at her. When she asked me if people call me X, I laughed. “I am usually referred to as ‘Defendant.'”
“How do they do runoffs for unopposed candidates?” This question elicits a much better response if you look extremely serious when you ask them.
The volunteer working for one of the judicial candidates laughed because she stopped me on the parking deck and offered me literature. “This is just like Las Vegas.” I turned the card over as if I were looking for something. “Not the right kind of picture though.” She’s evidently gone to Vegas because after a second, she burst out laughing. “I’m voting for your candidate anyway. She’s got much better hair even if her media team can’t get the picture right.”
I stopped and stepped to the side after getting past Deputy MetalPants. It’s interesting to watch people and listen. An older couple got turned around a little. I pointed them straight ahead and to the left. “Don’t forget to check your screen when you vote. Sometimes it changes your ballot from Republican to the correct choice.” I was certain neither one of them got the joke until the woman stopped after a couple of steps and turned, giving me a big thumbs up and smiling.
