He was not the bestest boy. He was a badass, wearing his tuxedo of black and white. 18 years and 7 months of letting me hold him like a baby and fighting me from six feet up on top of his favorite castle. 

Yesterday, he ate his cat juice and treats, followed by frolicking in his favorite plastic plate of catnip, and ran to announce his presence throughout my apartment. 

I took him outside this morning in the cold with his red bow tie leash and let him do his best to walk. In my heart, I already secretly feared it would be his last. Retrieving a dirty shirt from the basket, I draped him in it and sat with him until my legs were numb. 

AES in Springdale was amazing at every stage. I wasn’t the only one crying. I know they heard me crying and whistling, not knowing that a certain whistle had become one of my secret ways to let him know that it was time to argue with me. 

Please don’t leave me condolences. Literally two days ago, I was reminding someone that there are no small deaths and that pets are our private family, to be mourned in our own way. 

I’ll go back to Güino’s apartment in a few minutes, doing my best to ignore the fact that literally everything in there was designed for him. The extra wide window sills I put in every window, the enormous cat castle that occupies the front window, and his special brushing blanket that I perched him on at least twice a day, knowing he would purr and stretch with love. 

Even though his favorite place was on top of the cat castle or perhaps the back window that I left wide open sometimes for him even in the dead of winter, I’m putting the picture of him hunkered down outside in the leaves. He slithered in them, looking up and watching the birds and squirrels behind and on the end of the apartments. That’s also when he summoned the energy to vehemently ask me what in the hell I was doing when I would pick him up to go back to the apartment. 

I used to often let him run free, creating chaos when it was time to come back in. He was already old then but surprised me by remaining to be phenomenally in shape and incredibly active until this morning. 

He’s running free again. 

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