Category Archives: Lemon Moment

o b l I g a t I o n

I’m in the brook, a fancier word for creek. To say that the swiftly moving water feels pleasurable on my toes is a trivialization. I left things undone before I came here. (No matter where you find yourself, that statement will be true.) 

I chose the tallest big flat rock I could find to place in the middle of the stream. The objective was to sit down and stretch my legs in the water. The rock weighed at least seventy lbs. But once I picked it up, I was committed. Even as I regretted my decision as my feet slipped on the mossy rocks. 

I would worry about the potential for unseen reptiles rapidly approaching beneath the sheen of the water. But I see  no need. The risk is small. And certainly less than the unfelt one that unleashed on a Monday afternoon after work almost two years ago. Within hours, a skilled surgeon cut me open, doing his version of an extemporaneous fact-finding mission. I assume it was a skilled surgeon. For all I know, it could have been a housekeeper impersonating a surgeon. I would hope he would have charged me less.

I woke up the next morning. Given that almost 7 million Americans are moving around with brain aneurysms, I won’t hold it against a snake or two if they do what comes naturally to them. Not to mention the lunacy of driving around here with rabid sports aficionados driving amok. 

The number of days remaining to comfortably stand in the creek up to my knees is rapidly dwindling. Both because of Autumn’s approach and perhaps my own twilight. 

I left the apartment behind this afternoon to go to the creek. Isn’t it amazing how inertia sometimes masquerades as relaxation or obligation? There will always be dust. Trash to take out. And other equally important tasks such as rearranging the utensil drawer.

Yesterday, I thought of myself as on the fringe. At least one hundred interesting things to do or see, yet there I was, esconsed in my tiny little box.

When you find yourself literally dreaming ‘time is short,’ maybe it’s a good time to give inertia a hard kick in the ass.

No snakes today. At least none that I saw.

Love, X

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Anticpation

I stood on the landing, capturing the background insect sounds and the lightning above. A solitary skateboarder passed about 50 yards away, the friction of his wheels echoing through the empty streets. Much of the anticipated rain is north. I’m hoping that the creeks will fill. I’ve missed the peacefulness of the cool water. I heard the first scattered and intermittent drops of rain at 3:10 a.m. I hope the clouds open before I head to work. I could really use a September early morning baptism today. X

He

It was 100°. I saw him walking a little erratically near the trail so I changed course to accidentally cross paths. It seemed like heat exhaustion. He surprised me by walking under the bridge on the trail so I went over it and made a loop. I asked him if he needed anything. He was quite polite. There was something off about his voice. He declined anything to drink, eat and said he didn’t need a ride anywhere. He went on to tell me that he works very early in the morning with a friend of his in Springdale. When he’s done, he walks back because his friend has to go immediately to another job. I told him that I didn’t mean to intrude but between the way he was walking and the unusual cadence of his speech, it concerned me a little more. He took a moment and then told me that when he was younger one of several stepfathers had beaten him severely enough to cause permanent damage. I wished him well as he took his shirt off and then his shoes. His plan was to step into the creek and cool off before walking the rest of the way back to wherever he lived. It struck me how different his reasons for getting into the stream are compared to mine. The man plugs along and does what he has to. My deck of cards looks a lot less stacked now.

Distraction

“You cannot shovel your way to the top of the mountain.” You can thank lyricist Ricardo Arjona for the sentiment. It means different things to different people. And nothing to those who don’t love the nuance of language. I walked in the blazing sunlight of this Vulcan August afternoon. When I descended into the creek bed, the canopy of trees lessened he heat by 20°. Though the water has diminished, the creek still runs and the water is clearer than ever. I wish my head to be as diaphanous and in the moment as the minnows congregating at my feet. I can live happily with very little, much less than most. Don’t get me wrong. I love the embrace of the air created by the air conditioner. And the almost instant cup of bitter coffee that my machine produces upon demand. I love the vibration of music in my ears, the pulse of cleverly constructed and beautiful ideas passing through my little brain. It’s true that I don’t experience boredom. But I do experience the overwhelming sensation at times that I’m facing the wrong direction and that the universe has been tapping me on the shoulder for decades. I stood in the creek and lost track of time again. Watching the minnows with envy. It is beyond strange to me how moments of Zen are often literally at our feet. Distraction, distraction, distraction.

Love, X
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Glimmer Nostalgia

The girls to whom I gifted the chalk yesterday did indeed end up drawing in several places around the creek. It’s mostly obliterated now by the bikes and feet that traversed it in the interim. That’s okay. Not just because chalk is a temporary method of artwork. Rather, glimmers (or lemon moments as I call them), they are transitory, fleeting, and trapped in the amber of memory. I hope when they grow older they remember their loving grandfather who brought them to places like this. And that they do the same for anyone who follows them.

Perhaps due to the August heat, I remembered my grandpa for a bit as the hot surfaces attempted to burn the bottoms of my feet. Grandpa walked with me from the little township of Rich to a commensurate community named Monroe. A long stretch of flat highway, flanked by thousands of acres of crops. Dragonflies buzzing, and the sound of my grandpa’s voice. His voice was mostly silent and though I trick myself into believing I can sometimes remember its resonance in my dreams, that’s probably nostalgic wishful thinking.

The water is cool today, though not as chilly as yesterday. There are no little souls frolicking in the water. None of which thwarted my enjoyment of the moment.

Love, X
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Chalk

I went to the creek earlier than normal. It’s trickier to walk the hidden trail in the back now, especially barefoot. The foliage is taking over. The smells are incredible. There were no falls as I walked down the middle of the creek.

As I finished my creek walk, a grandfather came down the incline, followed by two frolicking little girls. The grandfather asked me how slippery it was inside the creek today, so I told him to step into the water on the dam side. Because I sat on the embankment wall with my feet dangling in the air, I could hear him interact with his granddaughters. All I heard was kindness in his voice. Because of the splashing, I surmised that all three of them had taken off their shoes and socks, rolled up their pants as I had done, and stepped into the cool water. Such a simple pleasure, even to hear it as it unfolded.

When I walked back across the parking lot to my car, I got out several sticks of thick sidewalk chalk of various colors. I walked down to the creek bed and handed them to the grandfather. He was delighted as he handed them to his granddaughters. “What do you say,” he asked both of them. Both girls turned, smiled, and said thank you. “Draw something crazy,” I said, and wished them all a good evening.

As I walked away, one of the granddaughters asked, “What’s that sound” as the backdrop of insects roared once again. “Let’s draw whatever it is,” the other girl said.

It’s nice to hear good people doing basic things to enjoy the day. It makes me feel less eccentric.

Love, X
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Lemon Moment / Glimmer

“If you go into the building with that much enthusiasm and energy, you’re going to end up with a nail driven into each palm.” That’s the quip I hollered at someone as they came in this morning and the one which inspired the following words:

When you run into somebody who is so full of enthusiasm and energy, it is either one of the best things in life or a trigger. It’s a trigger if you’re missing those things. But when the mutual laughter and enthusiasm collide, it’s a joyous ball of energy. Probably one that annoys onlookers. For that reason, I carry both Lone Ranger masks and COVID masks for the potential naysayers.  Due to legal issues, they confiscated my taser. My plea that I only used it on myself went unheeded.

Because I didn’t want to miss the opportunity, I took my shoes off in the work parking lot and walked down to the creek nearby instead of one of my usual spots. The water is much cooler than my last visit. Unlike me. I’m as hip as a polyester suit at this point. But my desire to come down here and stand in the water stands among my best decisions. It tickles me as people race by and see me in their peripheral vision. I probably look like a rutabaga with a dumb smile on my face. I look goofy enough to get a nomination to the Supreme Court.
Love, X

Light Show

It was about 4:00 a.m. I had a delicious bitter cup of coffee on the banister railing. The booms of thunder and lightning bedazzled my eyes and ears. It’s fascinating watching the traffic at that hour on Sunday morning. An unhealthy percentage drivers at that hour are on their way too or returning from unhealthy shenanigans. I heard the vehicle brake a little bit in anticipation of making a right turn across the railroad tracks. The big white suburban attempted to execute the turn while traveling at about 40 mph. As it turned, both passenger side wheels came up as the vehicle wildly turned and then spun all the way around, hitting the sidewalk curb. The wheels slammed back down. I expected the protuberance of the railroad rails to flip the vehicle. The suburban was motionless for a few seconds. The driver was probably checking his or her pants. Assuming they weren’t drunk and oblivious. I could not help but laugh. My laugh echoed much too loudly across the parking lot and against the building. Later, shortly after 5:00, huge gusts of wind buffeted anything not nailed down. I was already back outside with my broom to pick up the plants that I knew would not withstand the wind. None of them were mine. My corn stalks are on the inside railing and oblivious to the weather. My cat Güino darted outside long enough to get splattered by the rain. He was adorable, his face turned up against the wind and rain, his little nose and eyes squinting. He ran back inside when a singular wind gust slammed the door completely open.

Thanks for the light show.

X

A Morning

This isn’t my story to tell. But I’ll trespass because it blankets the lines of odd convergences of the things we all experience. Regard it as fiction and find whatever value that words can convey.

She seemed to melt against the wall, her head down, with a cell phone pressed against her ear. “Margaret died this morning,” she said, her voice flatter then the plains of Iowa. It was the flatness that conveyed an overwhelming emotion behind her words. Numbness, like a whisper, sometimes telegraphs greater information.

He stopped and was about to ask her what she needed. A woman walked up to her and put her hand on her shoulder as she ended the phone call.

“She’s in a better place,” the late arrival told her. Though he looked indirectly at her, he watched her face wrinkle with conflicting emotions. He could read her mind.

They spoke a few sentences back and forth. The woman returned her verbal volleys with diminished enthusiasm and volume.

As the late arrival walked away, he asked her what she needed. “To be about 200 miles from here. None of these people  knew my Aunt.”

Because it’s what he does, he hugged her. He wasn’t going to add vacuous words.

When he stepped back and away from her, she told him that she didn’t think she could stand listening to people talk about her aunt.

“Then don’t. The person you loved is gone. Your debt is paid.” He didn’t quite say it in so few words because he was surprisingly caught off guard by nervousness. His entire morning was a bout of unidentifiable anxiety. His arms still quivered with the exertion expended to quell what had saved insurmountable at the time.

“I hate it when people say someone’s in a better place.” The irritation in her voice was evident.

“They mean well. None of us know what to say. I put my foot in my mouth a lot. We’re not thinking about where they are. We’re thinking about going on without them. That’s what grief is.”

She looked at him directly. “That’s a really good way to put it.”

“I learned the hard way. When people are grieving, they say and do almost anything.”

She nodded. He walked away, hoping that time would warp for her. Time is one of the few things that helps. But sometimes, it remained fresh forever.

He wondered how the universe sometimes finds a way to overlap lessons that superficially have nothing in common.

X
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August Rain

The man put his window down and asked me if I needed a ride anywhere. I told him Bentonville. There was a long, awkward pause. I laughed as he realized I was yanking his chain. I told him I was out enjoying the storm and rain. He told me he hadn’t intentionally been out in the rain in a lot of years. After I asked him how old he was, I asked him to guess how old he thought I was. Very early 40s was his reply.  I told him I was 56, 5 years older than him. I’m pretty sure he left wondering why he doesn’t go for a barefoot walk in the rain.

When the storm rolled in, I helped the neighbors  pick up a variety of plants and items the wind tried to kidnap as it traveled above us.

Even though I had already taken two walks this morning, I knew the rain was not going to be another missed opportunity. I stripped down and removed everything. Phone, watch, glasses, and common sense. And took off around the neighborhood for a walk in the rain. Barefoot. In the open spaces, I could see the expanse of the sky and the galloping clouds as they dumped rain.

It was a stolen moment, one particular to a warm August morning.

I wrapped my wet shirt around my head upon my return.

Despite it feeling like this hot summer might be interminable, I know that there will not be many more warm rainy mornings to enjoy the subtle pleasures of walking in the rain. Not to mention that I have no idea of how many more rotations around the sun I might get to enjoy.

This morning was mine.

Love, X