Category Archives: Social Rules

Screaming Leaves an Aftertaste

10/22/2016 X Teri Leave a comment

This isn’t a funny anecdote. I wrote it quite a while ago and like so many of the things I write, I filed it away, almost forgotten. This week, I fortuitously encountered someone ranting on almost the same subject, yet with an inability to capture the essence of what was bothering about her.

In the book “Like Water for Chocolate” (Como Agua Para Chocolate), Tita lovingly shares her recipes and story. The principle point is that the cook’s emotions and aspirations merge with the food she prepares. Those consuming her food would cry her tears, feel her ecstasy, and experience her life through her food. When I read the book in Spanish the first time, I learned a few cooking points, but I also got a revelation into the content of human spirit – and yet another glimpse into the possible world I would enjoy living in.

By way of full disclosure, I’m unqualified to judge cuisine, as vittles are more aligned with my appetite. I am qualified to recognize the discomfort I have in the way some people decide to run their places of business, though. Charge more for your food if it is necessary and allow those working for you to enjoy a more human experience. I do not want to witness anyone being scolded, berated, or demeaned while I’m enjoying the great luxury of dining. (If I want that, I’ll invite my sister-in-law to eat with me.)

One particular local chef enjoys one of the best skill reputations in the kitchen. (He’s not the chef with an Italian name, either.) Unfortunately, he is also highly regarded as being a mean bastard to many people who’ve worked with him. Like the book (and movie) I mentioned, I don’t relish the idea of frequenting a restaurant owned or operated by someone who might contaminate the spirit of my food with his penchant for tirades. I’m frustrated frequently enough by my own mistakes and anger without ingesting those of another person.

I’ve had people over the years volunteer stories about this skilled chef. None of the stories originated from me inquiring – all of them extemporaneously emerged, so to speak. They all share the common theme of the chef being gifted, yet tormented by a lack of understanding of his inability to treat others as equal human beings. A few times, the stories have sprung forth with swift surprise. One of the most memorable came from a former chef working at Logan’s, opting to wait tables if it meant he could work in a place not dominated by anger and finger pointing. (PS: The food at Logan’s that day was exceptional.)

The last time I entered one of the chef’s restaurants, he was in my vicinity being loudly vicious to an employee who was clearly struggling. No matter how good the food could have been, all I could picture was the employee seriously considering giving the chef a knock to the head with a stack of plates. The chef focused solely on his own angry voice, oblivious to the human distress he was feeding. It diminished everyone witnessing it. That time, I saw and heard the anger – and felt the contempt personally. The stories became true to me. The chasm between allegation and confirmation becomes shallow when you witness the behavior, doesn’t it?

As for the employee receiving the public rant, I wish he would have taken the plates and hurled them like Olympic culinary Frisbees through the windows. It wouldn’t have helped him, but what a victory for decency it would have been. I would have stood and applauded his rashness.

I left with a bitter aftertaste that had nothing to do with the food served that day.

As I see or hear this chef receive praise, I remember that his success doesn’t affect me directly. It affects me as a person, however. I know that he must be screeching at those he hires, saucepans echoing as they clatter against stainless steel counters, plates cracking with the force of dropped velocity. Justifying behavior that diminishes people is indicative of a larger problem, in my opinion.

I would rather eat bologna or cheese sandwiches if it guarantees that no one preparing my food is subjected to the likes of this storied gourmand. Monetary success built on animosity is a hollow measure. I wonder to what great heights this chef might have reached had he chosen a light touch with his fellow human beings.

I never comment on the chef when I see him mentioned on social media. It seems appropriate for me to let it pass and hope that the stories accumulate to some critical mass at some undefined future time. Being human, I will admit that it pains me a little, though. I know that for every word of compliment he receives, he is dishing out an appetizer of avoidable reprimand to someone in his presence. I wonder if he knows in his heart of hearts how many stories are floating around, tarnishing his reputation as a human being. There’s no glaze or gastronomical flourish to remove that bitter taste.

Social Rules, Springdale

A Screen Door & Porch Swing Mentality

10/15/2016 X Teri Leave a comment

I don’t miss the ‘easy days’ of what Springdale used to be. The relaxed attitude toward life and the neighborly instinct to wave hello is still yours for the taking. Increased population diminishes your life only if you see it that way. You can still have a screen door and porch swing-mentality in the city if you choose to. Be that person who waves, who gestures for the next person to proceed, and who understands that most acts of frustration aren’t intentional. Stop insisting that all the new faces and new adventures are an assault and instead see them as a new way to experience the same places you’ve always loved.

We survive and evolve only because we take turns at being idiotic in our own way.

More people equates to more potential friends, a bigger perspective, and a richer life. Better roads should mean wider hearts and sidewalks along which we can amble as we live our lives. One thing that most hometown memories have in common is that we could imagine saying “Hi” to anyone passing by our house, whether they were familiar or not. It is that attitude of casual acceptance that is important. Anyone could be a friend; what was true yesterday remains so today.

Other languages grant us a keener mind, an openness to others and a more interesting life. Other cultures enrich us.

I can’t imagine a life without equal parts biscuits and gravy and pico de gallo.

I am the ‘other’ to those who have moved here to share our little corner of life.

A good education comes with the premise that change is the only constant in our world and that nothing that makes us special is reliant on the external to flourish. You can live your life sitting on the porch swing of your youth if you wish it to be so. Springdale might have grown but we’ve lost nothing in the transition that hasn’t been substantially replaced. That feeling of belonging can be recaptured if you choose it. If you look out your window in frustration and imagine a return to what once was, that shimmering and comforting memory is simply that – a memory. Make some new ones.

Business, Social Rules

Your Right To Discuss Pay

09/17/2016 X Teri Leave a comment

I wrote this specific post about 8 months ago. It made some people nervous, as employers tend to have the balance of power and when people are told something over and over, it becomes difficult to openly learn about the issue and discuss it. It’s empowering for both employer and employee to know the law and learn how to keep a business healthy.

I’m not talking about my employer and also not talking about anyone I know personally. This is a PSA-style something-most-people-don’t-understand post. Yes, this is a Right-To-Work state, which doesn’t affect the content of what I am posting. Anyone can be fired legally or illegally, for reasons both legal and illegal, which is also not the focus of this post. And one more: it is almost never worth it to irritate your employer, even if you are ‘right.’

How much do you earn at your job? Interestingly, I’m finding that many people aren’t aware that their employers generally *can’t prohibit them from talking about their benefits, including wages.

I know that many of you are saying “But my employer has a policy that says I can’t.” It’s likely not legal, and hasn’t been for a long time. You can investigate it, if you want.

There are exceptions, of course, and you should be aware of how you fall in the category. In general, if you work a traditional job for a private employer, aren’t a contract employee, aren’t a supervisor, and don’t work for the government, you can talk about how much you’re paid until your jaw gets sore.

That’s the majority of us.

You can go to the National Labor Relations Board website at: NLRB Website

(The NLRB is an independent federal agency that is often overlooked, especially in states where unions don’t tend to have much influence.)

If you’ve been warned, fired, or told you can’t discuss your wages with others, call the NLRB and use their website to get educated. Most of us have the right to discuss our wages if we choose to do so. Much of the problem arises when employers or their managers fail to understand the law, even with good intentions.

If you are a good employee, you will of course not waste your employer’s time talking instead of working. Modern companies know better than to pay less for any reason other than value and merit. At least I think they do. You choose to work for the wage your employer offers. Likewise, what your employer chooses to pay you is for you to decide to disclose to another person. Just as your employer is free to determine prevailing wage, you are free to talk about it. Your employer is paying you a combination of what you are worth, what it can afford, and according to its own policies. Assuming other variables aren’t present, employees generally are being compensated in a similar manner within the same company, based on common criteria. It doesn’t have to be that way, of course. Your employer has the right to determine your wage and you have the right to decline that wage or not. Discussion of wages is a different topic and unrelated to that employer’s right to determine pay under the law.

While all of the above is true, I don’t recommend you run around with a banner with a picture of yourself shouting how much you make while giving the finger. It’s not smart. Many of our problems with our employers stem from the inability to honestly bring questions to them and see that they are addressed – and that no one punishes the messenger for voicing concerns or questions.

Hillary Clinton got some attention for getting the law wrong. Here’s a link to the Politifact article detailing what happened: Clinton Gets Pay Discussion Law Wrong

Studies have shown that discussion of pay helps a company for long-term stability. It helps avoid allegations of unfairness, eliminates accusations of unequal pay or glass ceilings, and demonstrates openness from employers toward employees. It builds trust among employees and with the employer.

A good employer knows that all of the above is true and works actively to build trust with employees. A cornerstone of this kind of trust is centered on both compliance and embracing employee involvement, even when the traditional view is one of prohibition. One myth employers tend to believe is that employees who know what their counterparts earn are less flexible and efficient. Great employers don’t even worry themselves with these considerations: they don’t discriminate unlawfully and do their best to have consistent policies. That’s why you don’t have innumerable news stories each week about employees filing complaints. Most employers are too busy running their businesses without worrying about needless arguments about pay.

I generally don’t talk about where I work on social media and I don’t complain about what I earn – because for requiring only a HS education, I have good pay and benefits as an employee. I choose to work for the wage I’m given and it’s a fair wage for my job and hours. I’m not concerned that my employer is going to see this and be upset with me. (And not just because an ‘employer’ is only a collective of people.) I don’t run the halls challenging people with how much I earn or flaunting my knowledge or chanting ‘nana nana boo-boo.’ I would like everyone I work with to make at least as much as me if they are doing the same job, even those with less seniority. I’m weird like that. Qualifications and merit rule.

If your employer has a policy against pay discussion, be human about it. Ask someone you trust at your company if they are sure it is legal. Give them a chance to investigate. All of the people doing jobs have a massive number of laws and rules to juggle. Some of the most obvious ones are most often overlooked. Don’t jump to the conclusion that your employer is inhibiting pay discussion out of a nefarious motive – it might be simple ignorance. If your employer gets angry at you for even asking about the law, chances are that you are working for an employer who isn’t interested in complying with the law, which is another discussion entirely.

You’ll be surprised how often many employers tell their workers they can’t discuss wages – even though it is illegal for most of them to do so.

In my years working, I’ve encountered many people who simply don’t understand the law.

Personal, Religion, Social Rules

In the Land of Coram Deo

09/02/2016 X Teri 2 Comments

2-3 months ago, I wrote a short piece and uploaded a draft version of my digital picture “Coram Deo.” (Meaning: “…in the presence of god…) I will put a link in the comments if you want to read past the superficial intention of this picture.

I had another brushed aluminum 16 X 20 painting made with the version I decided to qualify as finished. I can close my eyes and picture the muse that inspires me to make awkward attempts to capture whatever it is in my head that struggles to get out. In my finished version, you can imagine Aslan the lion growling for us to come forward, to pass through the infinite doors that are literally all around us; those same doors we ignore or fail to see. “The Narnia Chronicles” beguiled me as a youngster and although I do not follow the path the allegory asks of me, I do infrequently follow the creativity that it spawned.

Despite being a simple minimalist at heart, I’d rather walk around in a world resembling a landscape of spilled paint cans, each conveying the million words that careen around in our minds but for whatever reason, seldom escape it. ‘Normal’ has its demands, as does the tempest of hurried time, each second allotted to things that we would never choose for ourselves even in two lifetimes.

Here is what I wrote a couple of months ago as I worked on the picture:

The Land Of Coram Deo
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One day soon, we will discover another world, one inhabited by beings who resemble us in appearance, but who treasure the invisible as reverently as we pay homage to the things that suffocate our daily lives. If we don’t find them, perhaps we can move along a path to become them. Our kingdom lies within, no matter how frequently we search outwardly.
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They will draw inspiration from infinite colors, ideas, and creativity. Every aspect of life will serve the dual masters of helping everyone live better lives & finding their better selves. Work, education, and leisure will merge seamlessly into a continuum without alpha or omega.
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In Coram Deo, it is impossible to ask “Are you hungry?” as each person’s needs are addressed by others without prompt or consideration. A neighbor, no matter how different or far, is simply a family member resting under a separate roof.
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PS: “Coram Deo” literally means “in the presence of god.” Each of us has our own idea of life’s purpose and how best to spend the million moments granted to us. We distract ourselves by focusing on that which differs instead of that which binds.
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“You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one…”
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I made this picture of Coram Deo, layer by layer. In it, I hope you find something to consider.

Business, Social Rules

Multi-Level Marketing Oopsortunities

08/23/2016 X Teri Leave a comment

For another outlet, I wrote an insightful piece enumerating the warning signs of multi-level marketing “opportunities,” some of which are pyramid schemes. (Of course, they should be called “oopsortunities,” because most people come to realize that they should not have attempted to be a part of the “miracle” of whatever nonsense is being sold.) The only real miracle here is that companies can still devise methods to separate people from their money with such banal marketing techniques.

If a product is such a great deal or does such great things, trust me, it would be marketed for much, much less by the big players in the market. If you are shaking your head “No” to my comments, congratulations, you are one of those gullible people that some MLM companies love to indoctrinate. (Or that certain cults would invite to visit their compound in rural Nebraska, to get to know them, no obligation required.) And, if you are interested, I will be glad to sell you a membership to my new course, “Don’t Be a Dumbass” for $19.95. (Also available via a 12-month payment plan of $13 for 17 months. Or vice versa. Don’t focus on the math, focus on “you get out what you put in,” the most successful stupid way ever stated to place the blame for a bad company or bad product on the salesperson.)

We all have friends who start posting mysteriously worded posts about whatever snake oil they are using to become an instant thousandaire. Usually, it is health or beauty related. You’ve seen the posts: they have more adjectives than a bad poet’s dictionary. They depict calm, interesting scenery, instead of the more accurate hair-on-fire scenes that depict people after they’ve failed at selling this stuff. Most of the time, they spend more time recruiting people than selling. (PS: This is a major warning sign of impending failure.) Also, friends are hard to come by and they will become invisible like Batman if you keep pressuring them to buy or sell things from you. Or angry like the Incredible Hulk if you successfully lure them in.

Incidentally, the easiest way to tell how doubtful a product is begins with googling it. If you can’t find a lot of negative reviews, it might be a nonsense product. If you go to the company’s social media page and all criticism has been scrubbed, it is a warning sign to reconsider whether you should just hide your cash in a cereal box in the pantry. In this sense, the internet troll factor is a bona fide method to determine legitimacy: all products have a set amount of critics on the internet. The absence of criticism is itself a huge red flag, or at least a lightly-tinged yellow one.

So, save us the goofiness about being more healthy, losing weight, living better or having longer toes if we buy your product. If we can’t buy it at Wal-Greens or Wal-Mart, it most likely isn’t a good deal and we apologize if that isn’t obvious to you. As for recruiting me to sell your product, I might change my tune if McDonald’s creates a “Make Your Own Cheeseburger & Fries” just-add-water product.

Obviously, I haven’t mentioned any oopsortunity by name, as I fear that the horde of vengeful naysayers will descend upon me with pitchfork and scythe. There are a few legitimate MLM companies that do good work. Unfortunately for us, it seems like we tend to be subjected to the ones which would be better served with advertising in the late-night TV market of Argentina.

But if the shoe fits, wear it. Or sell me an “amazing” shoe insert that only one company in the world is allowed to sell, due to an “incredible” marketing opportunity. Yes, I am interested in becoming a Tier-16 Pioneer in your business. Sounds legit. Please let me know whether I need to recruit an army of sales zombies for my team or if I can just start printing money on my HP printer.

Entertainment, Social Rules

A Few Words About Clint Eastwood

08/07/2016 X Teri Leave a comment

Recently, one of our cultural icons Clint Eastwood once again said some strange things. He said it from his perspective of the world, as a wealthy, older white male. As a liberal, I just laughed, even as I winced. Clint as a bigot is a lightweight compared to the intrinsic, casual prejudice that was the touchstone of so much of my youth. He would not even draw attention were he to reappear in the places of my upbringing; he would be using training wheels in the geography I once called home. My dad, for example, idolized Clint; he omitted the lofty aspirations of Eastwood’s characters and focused on the indifferent violence. As many of us do with our own idols, my dad cherry picked his perceptions of Clint Eastwood and the characters he portrayed.

I wish Clint were of the same expansive ideology as me. I think that might be the case for most of us as we look out at the world and listen to people who express such an incredible spectrum of thought. We root for those things that make our soul shine and light up our minds with the ‘what if’ in our lives. Hopefully, we can ignore those things that irritate us. (My best examples are those of Mother Teresa, Gandhi, or Martin Luther King. These figures did or believed some truly crazy things, most of which are overlooked or rarely mentioned – and certainly not taught about in school. Don’t’ twist my words here: they dedicated themselves to achieve some lofty things – but they did so as imperfect human beings.)

Eastwood earned his place as an icon. His good looks and charisma carried him far. His ability to make, write, or direct movies encompassing the breadth of what we aspire to and share in common is uncanny. I find it hard to imagine a critic so harsh as to attempt to discount the contribution that Clint Eastwood has made to our society.

I have a large painting of Clint Eastwood in my living room. A great local artist painted it for me. It’s not there because I idolize him or appreciate his politics. I fundamentally disagree with the spirit of his recent comments. When I look at that painting, I can easily recall the best of the attributes of the characters he brought to life – without focusing on the things that would make him lesser. Clint connects me to an imaginary safe place in my past. He would be the equivalent to Superman or Captain America, had I been a fan of comic books. The painting doesn’t represent the ‘real’ Clint at all. It’s a reminder of the things we identify with.

If I were to eliminate all the people and places that carry a hint of bigotry, misogyny, or exclusion, the hallways of my memories would be only inhabited by a few solitary and forlorn ghosts. Take a moment and inventory your friends and family. I’m certain that several of them differ from you so drastically in thought that it is a miracle you co-exist at all, much less have strong relationships that you cherish.

Each of us has at least one person, I think, who makes us wonder what in the world was so wrong with the world that someone could come out of it so fundamentally misguided about race, justice, or privilege. Even as we love them, we wonder.

The surprise of our relationships is that we can overlook racism and prejudice in some cases. We can laugh, cry, and embrace people who represent the antithesis of what we ourselves find value in.

Clint Eastwood is an example of someone who has worked hard to express himself and share it with us. Unfortunately, some of it is ridiculous nonsense. Luckily for us, however, some of it is not. Even as we shake our heads in bewilderment that one of our icons can think like someone from the early 19^th century, we must continue to figure out a means to separate what we find valuable from that which we find objectionable. Clint is the embodiment of many of our family, friends, and acquaintances.

Many believe as Clint does. I don’t. Clint is akin to one of my grandparents, someone who I hold close to my heart, all the while knowing that his ideas aren’t defensible or a part of my identity. I would never defend those ideas for which he is drawing the wrong kind of attention.

Perhaps nothing I’ve said here will resonate. Or worse, that I’ve once again communicated so badly that I’ve conveyed the opposite message from that which was intended.

It’s okay to laugh at Archie Bunker, if only because we know he embodies the thoughts of many with whom we share the world. It is okay to love some parts of Clint Eastwood’s films, even as he uses his intelligence to express ideas that are wrong to us. He’s our grandpa, sitting on our collective porch, yelling at those who pass by. His time will come and go, just like the rest of us. We can only learn from one another and choose the best parts to carry forward. Clint has given us some incredible memories, too. Let’s focus on those, if we can.