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Animals, Death, Poetry And Prose

Mr. Doofus

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Mr. Doofus

In the years before everything changed, Greg knew that someday he would send his last message, speak his last words, and enjoy a sunset. One day, someone would speak his name for the last time. Finality brings focus. When a cup of coffee potentially becomes your last, the sips are dark and delicious, and even a drop wasted brings regret.

It was all theoretical until the doctor uncomfortably leaned forward and adjusted his tie. Even after years of practice, he hadn’t acquired the ability to tell someone that they would soon be defined by a dash between dates. “It’s everywhere. The exploratory surgery confirmed it.”

Greg asked the only question he could think of.

“I’d say two months. I’m so sorry,” the doctor answered.

Greg’s days were truly numbered.

After leaving the doctor’s office, he drove home. Instead of going inside, he walked across the railroad tracks. He meandered through the abandoned industrial district that once fueled the small town. He’d seen it all dozens of times. This time, however, he paid attention to every detail.

Greg stopped near an abandoned building that once held dozens of workers. The sign that once displayed the name of a thriving company was now rusted and faded. It was a relic now, succumbing to time. When Greg was young, the place was buzzing with life. Now, it slowly rusted and constantly sought ways to disintegrate.

“I thought I had more time. I thought I could take back all the ways I insisted I was right. In faith, in action, and words.” He didn’t know why he said it aloud.

The trees above him didn’t acknowledge him like he expected. They rebuffed his excessive self-reflection. For once, he stood under them and let the breeze wash over him.

The abandoned cat chose that moment to make his appearance and introduction. He poked through between bent pieces of galvanized metal, probably after hearing Greg’s voice.

Greg didn’t have time to react as the scruffy grey cat ran over to him, meowed, and then forcefully rubbed against the back of his leg. Bending down, he rubbed the cat’s head as it arched its back to meet his fingers. The cat’s fur was messy and tangled in a few places.

As Greg ran his fingers along the cat’s back, he felt a scar that traversed at least four inches of the cat’s back. Pushing the fur aside, he could see that the jagged scar was long-healed, even though the cat didn’t appear to be very old.

The cat meandered behind him as Greg walked home. Greg walked slowly, appreciating the leaves, the fading sun, and his collection of memories. He stopped at the railroad tracks, staring in each direction as the tracks stretched away from him.

“I’ve got a scar like that too,” Greg told the cat as it peered up at him and rubbed his leg. Greg’s scar was only a few months old. He caught himself touching it lightly through his shirt several times a day. The surgery that could have lasted three hours took only fifteen minutes before the surgeon closed him back up.

“Go home, doofus,” Greg said as he turned to rub the cat’s head one last time.

Greg avoided looking back at the cat as he neared his house. Taking his keys from his pocket, he turned. The cat sat directly behind him, looking up.

Greg opened the door and held it open. The cat meowed and walked inside as Greg shook his head.

“Just for a minute, okay? I can’t give you a permanent home.”

He watched as the cat ran to the couch, jumped up to the edge, and watched him.

When Greg reached for the cat to pet it, it hunkered down slightly and then jumped. Greg caught him as the cat arched up and nuzzled under his chin. Greg laughed as the cat’s whiskers rubbed against his face.

“Let’s see what I can find to give you to eat, Mr. Doofus.” Greg finally bent down to let the cat sit on the floor and look up at him.

Within a couple of minutes, Greg placed a small plate of tuna on the floor. “Your dinner is served,” Greg said.

Mr. Doofus meowed a loud thank-you and began eating the tuna noisily.

Greg placed a bowl of water next to the kitchen table. Mr. Doofus slowly walked over to the bowl and began drinking.

After heating up a microwave meal, Greg picked up his small tray and turned to the living room.

Mr. Doofus jumped up in the middle of the couch, turned, and faced the TV.

Greg sat down on the couch and turned on the TV. News wouldn’t hold his interest. It mattered only when you thought you might be around to see how everything worked out.

Mr. Doofus climbed onto Greg’s lap and curled up, purring loudly. Greg ate a few bites of his meal before pushing it across the coffee table. Instead of paying attention to the TV, Greg rubbed his hands along Mr. Doofus until he was purring like a jet engine.

For the first night in weeks, Greg slept soundly, despite sprawling out on the uncomfortable couch. He didn’t remember falling asleep, nor that Mr. Doofus had curled up next to him.

The next morning, Greg sat up, certain that he would be stiff and sore from sleeping on the couch. Instead, he felt like his old self.

Mr. Doofus rubbed his head along Greg’s leg until he jumped down and walked over to the door to paw at it.

“Gotta go to the bathroom?”

Greg opened the door as the cat meandered out. It didn’t even occur to Greg that his new friend might not return. He left the door open.

By the time Greg had finished his coffee, brushed his teeth, and decided he needed to go to the store to get Mr. Doofus some supplies, Mr. Doofus popped back inside, meowing loudly to announce his presence.

The cat ran across to jump up on the couch as Greg’s fingers rubbed along his fur.

“Keep an eye on things for me. I’ll be back in thirty, okay?”

Mr. Doofus jumped down and walked over to the window. He jumped up and sat on the sill, licking his paw before running it smoothly across the top of his head.

Greg made it back home in forty-five minutes. He set up the litter box and put out the special decorated bowls for his new friend. Opening the bag of special cat food, he poured it into the bowl.

“I picked this out because the cat on the bag looks like you,” Greg told Mr. Doofus, who was already eating from the new bowl.

Greg turned on the TV and pulled out his phone. Mr. Doofus jumped up onto his lap and spread across him as Greg petted him.

“I’ll be back Monday,” Greg said, after his manager answered.

“That’s great news! So you’re doing okay? We were worried.” Greg’s manager sounded relieved.

“Yes, everything’s okay now.”

Mr. Doofus peered up at Greg as he finished the call.

“What? I’m fine. I’m just not going to be around as long as I thought. None of us is.”

Mr. Doofus seemed unconvinced, but settled back down when Greg ran his hand all the way down his back to the end of his tail.

When Greg got up to make another coffee and then went outside, the cat followed him and sat next to his left leg, rubbing and purring.

Over the next eleven months, Greg fell into a routine, including this new friend in everything he did. He wasted a lot of money buying the cat toys until one day he accidentally dropped an empty toilet paper roll on the bathroom floor. Mr. Doofus growled and attacked it. He spent the next ten minutes fighting it to the death. Soon after, Greg came home from work with multiple empty rolls that people had saved for him. He didn’t mind cleaning up the shredded cardboard because it was the only thing that reminded Mr. Doofus that he had once been wild.

…

The day finally came when he knew he had to put aside the veneer of privacy and talk to his neighbor Jane. She lived across the street and two houses down. They had greeted each other more than once, but never had a real conversation. Greg knew that she was a single mom and had struggled financially for a long time. Just looking at her car, it was obvious that crossed fingers probably kept it intact.

Jane took a bit to answer the door. She left the storm door closed as she smiled. Greg didn’t blame her for being cautious.

“Jane, I’m sorry to bother you, but if you have a few minutes, I would like to talk to you.”

Jane pushed the store door open and almost stepped out. She looked at Greg strangely and then pushed it out and held it open.

“Come on in. I’m making supper, if you don’t mind me doing that while we talk.”

As Greg stepped inside, the aroma of whatever she was making assaulted him. Hunger had mostly become a thing of the past, but the smell made his stomach growl.

Jane walked into the kitchen as Greg followed her. He stopped by the kitchen table as Jane stirred marinara on the stove top.

When Greg hesitated, Jane smiled. “Don’t be nervous. Unless you’re asking me for money.”

“I don’t know how to tell you all this. I apologize in advance for hitting you with it.”

Jane’s face changed as she listened. The smile became flat.

“No, it’s not anything bad or about you,” Greg said. “You know I don’t have any family left, right?”

Jane nodded. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. Sixty years taught me it’s the way life is. And the last year definitely reminded me. Anyway, I’m not going to be around much longer.”

Jane grimaced. Greg could see her recoil instinctively.

“I’ve lived longer than the doctor said I would. But now it’s time to face facts. I don’t know you at all, really, but if you agree, I’d like to make you an offer.”

“Oh?” It was easy to see that Jane was confused and probably a little worried because she had no context.

“Because I have no family, I want to give you my house, my car, and everything else left over.”

Jane’s face went through a series of contortions as she tried to catch up to what Greg had said.

“Give me your house? But you don’t know me!”

“I know. But I know you’re renting this house. And I know it’s a struggle as a mom with a 10-year-old boy.”

“So you want to just give me your house? What’s the catch? I’m sorry for being cynical. There has to be one.”

Greg shook his head. “There is. I want you to let my cat, Mr. Doofus, live in the house with you once I’m gone. That’s it. I think I’m only still alive because he adopted me a while back, at the exact moment I needed him.”

Jane’s eyes widened as she studied Greg’s face. In the thirty-eight years she had lived, she had learned to trust her instincts. Her gut told her Greg was telling the truth.

Her eyes welled up with tears as she continued to stare at Greg.

“I will need some more details from you, but I’m going to take care of everything so that I can make sure you don’t have to do anything or pay any legal bills.”

Jane turned awkwardly, turned off the stove burner, and moved the pan. She moved to the table, pulled the chair away from it, and sat down. As Greg watched, she put her face between her hands and sobbed.

Because he didn’t know her well, he waited silently. It took Jane a bit before she raised her head and wiped her eyes with her hands.

“Are you sure? There’s no one else?”

Greg shook his head. “Don’t be sad for me. Think of it as karma from the universe. I didn’t do anything to deserve the tumor that grew inside of me for a year before I knew it was there. But you deserve a chance, and I can give it to you. A place for your son to finish growing up and a place that’s yours. I’m going to get a new car and put the title in both of our names. It will be yours too, along with any money I have left over.”

“I’m so sorry, Greg. Jesus, I don’t know what to say. Last week I almost couldn’t make rent, and now you’re telling me you’re just giving me your house.”

Greg smiled. He instinctively knew that she was coming around to the idea.

“And yes, I will adopt Mr. Doofus and keep him for as long as he lives.” Jane wiped her eyes again. “I would have a pet, but I’d have to pay another deposit.”

Greg pulled a folded piece of paper from his pocket and flattened it. He put it on the table near Jane.

“Fill in these details tonight, if you don’t mind. You can put it on my door if you’d like. I have the day off tomorrow, and I’m going to meet my lawyer.”

Jane pushed back from the table, stood up, and took three steps before throwing her hands around Greg and hugging him.

“I am so sorry, Greg. Please don’t fault me for maybe looking happy. I’m sad for you.”

Greg tentatively put his arms around Jane and squeezed her.

When she stepped back, he smiled.

“I promise you I’m okay. I’ll let you finish dinner. I know your son’s coming home soon. Enjoy your evening, okay?”

Jane nodded, but didn’t reply. Greg knew that she was about to burst into tears. Had he told her she would probably end up with $200,000, she might have completely lost control.

…

When Greg went inside his house, Mr. Doofus meowed loudly until he sat on the floor and playfully wrestled with him. He ignored the pain running across his sides.

“You’re going to get a new friend to take care of you,” Gred said. Mr. Doofus stopped playfully biting at Greg’s fingers as he looked up. “Thank you for finding me, you little doofus.”

Mr. Doofus grabbed Greg’s right hand with his paws and resumed nipping at him with his teeth. Greg laughed and forgot about everything for a while.

…

A few weeks later, Maple Street became lined with colorful red, yellow, and orange leaves. The blue house with the blue door filled the air with competing colors. Inside, Jane sat on the couch. Her son Jefferson playfully tossed a cardboard roll to Mr. Doofus as he sat on the windowsill. Catching it in his paws, he attacked it. Little pieces of cardboard floated to the floor below. Jane shook her head, knowing that she would dutifully sweep it up later, once Mr. Doofus had vanquished the cardboard invader.

She thought of Greg almost every time she looked at Mr. Doofus. He wasn’t a cat at all. He was a timely angel, furry and loving. Had it not been for him, Greg wouldn’t have had enough time to come to terms with his death or his ability to help someone like her.

“Mom, is this really our house forever?” Her son Jefferson had asked her the same question a hundred times.

“No, it’s our home,” Jane said, smiling. “With our very own guardian angel.”

Mr. Doofus turned in a circle as he sat on the windowsill. He stared out the window as the leaves drifted to the ground.

…

Poetry And Prose, Romance, Story, Writing

May (A Story)

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For a year, I searched for May in the crowds and along the city’s walkways. My eyes sought her out in the early morning or late evening during all manner of weather. I only met May once, on a warm afternoon in early June. The times I’d fantasized about meeting her again were countless. Something about her convinced me she had dropped her guard with me in a moment of spontaneous connection.

After a few months, I occasionally left a scribbled message along the walkway: “May, remember me? Clark.” More and more frequently, I’d return to the messages, hoping I’d see a sign.

Months passed without an answer. I questioned whether she might have told a white lie by omission; an implied untruth allowed me to believe she lived nearby. Maybe she didn’t visit this part of town. Every detail of our encounter plagued me.
…

A year ago, I walked fast along a portion of the city’s most unfamiliar walkways. A long, aimless walk was the only thing that might distract me. After several miles, I stopped to sit on a wooden bench near the edge of one of the city parks. Looking for a song on my phone, I sat without paying attention to who might pass by.

“Hey, I hope you don’t mind if I sit here.” I looked up to see an older woman wearing headphones. She pulled them from her ears and wrapped them around her neck. She wore denim shorts and a loose-fitting white T-shirt. I’m not sure how old she was. I’d guess she was five years older than me. Her long black hair fell loosely around her shoulders.

“Sure. Just taking a break,” I told her.

The woman sat on the bench. Taking her phone out, she fiddled with something onscreen and leaned back against the bench.

“Me too. I walked too far today. The apartment was too quiet. I could almost hear the shadows, if you know what I mean.”

I looked briefly to my right as the woman spoke. The way she phrased her motivation sparked interest.

“I do. That’s a good way to put it.”

The woman smiled. “I just retired six months ago. Too early, according to some.”

“Congratulations,” I told her.

“Thank you. I thought I’d retire and be happy with my husband.”

The way her voice changed slightly as she ended her comment told me that her husband had other plans.

“Oh? I’m sorry. Did something happen?” When the words came out, I realized how intrusive they might be. I quickly added, “I didn’t mean to pry.”

The woman laughed. “If you can’t disclose your secrets to a stranger on a bench, who can you trust?”

I smiled, thankful that she diffused my awkwardness.

“We planned our retirement early. To enjoy life. It turns out he wanted to enjoy his with someone else.” The woman looked up at the trees on the other side of the walkway.

I don’t know why I blurted it out. “After years of being lonely with my girlfriend, I left her. Now, at least, I’m lonely for real.”

The woman turned and looked deeply into my eyes. “I’m May. I’m sorry about your girlfriend.”

“And I’m sorry about your husband, May.” I found myself not looking away from May’s green eyes. The wrinkles around her eyes and mouth looked earned – probably from happier years of laughing and living.

May shrugged. “I’m stuck in a holding pattern, trying to figure out what’s supposed to be next.”

I nodded. “I agree with that sentiment.”

We fell silent momentarily as a young woman walking two large dogs passed by. We both waved at the woman simultaneously. She waved back and smiled at us, probably thinking we were together.

I realized I hadn’t introduced myself. “I’m Clark, by the way.”

“That name suits you,” May answered. “Rumpelstiltskin might have worked, though.”

I laughed. “Too much writing.”

May smiled back at me. She looked away quickly and then immediately back to me.

To my surprise, May reached for my right hand with her left. Her fingers were warm as they wrapped around mine. I didn’t pull away from her touch. May stared at me as if she wanted to say something.

I’ve often thought about what I did next, but no good explanation comes to mind. I moved my fingers from hers and held my right arm up above the back of the bench. May understood my intentions.

She stood slightly and moved to sit beside me, her leg against mine. May leaned her head against my shoulder. I wrapped my arm around her and squeezed her right arm. Had I known May, it would have been the most natural thing in the world to do.

May sighed. I felt her body relax into mine.

“Clark, you feel so good. I haven’t been held in such a very long time.”

“Likewise, May. Can we sit here for a month and just hold each other? Pretend we’ve been together forever?”

May nodded against my shoulder. Her left arm pushed behind me and around me. She squeezed my ribs with her fingers. I rubbed her arm like I’d done it a thousand times.

We sat for several minutes, unmoving, each of us lost in our thoughts.

May began to speak in a low voice. “I had been married for thirty-three years. The first twenty-five were amazing. And then they weren’t. My daughter, April, moved to Australia, and my husband seemingly had to work all the time. I knew something had fundamentally changed, even though I couldn’t quite identify what. We planned our retirement, to see the world, and to enjoy life. And then he was gone.”

I squeezed May against me. Her right hand moved to rest on my chest and rubbed. Whether it was subconscious or deliberate, I wasn’t sure. But I did recognize that it was something that she probably did when she felt safe.

I spoke without worrying about how I might sound. “I spent years trying to feel valued, much less touched with passion. One morning, something snapped. I realized that being alone might be better than being scared of being alone. There is no doubt about it: I need to be with someone to be happy. But that someone has to reciprocate.”

“Of course,” May whispered.

We once again fell silent. The birds and nature sounds filled the gaps as we softly touched one another.

Five minutes later, we heard a dog barking as it ran down the walkway. As it approached, May raised her head to look. She sat up quickly.

“I think that’s Bert, my neighbor’s dog. Susan will be out of her mind.”

Feeling disoriented, I sat up as May stood. May turned to me as the dog scampered past, trailing its leash.

“I have to catch up to it. Bert is too old to go looking for her dog. I’ll see you later, Clark, if you’d like?”

I nodded. “Yes, I’d like nothing better.”

Before I could tell her where I lived, May smiled at me, turned, and walked away fast. I watched her grow smaller in the distance, heading away from me.

It wasn’t until she was out of sight that I realized I should have accompanied her if only to be near her. I still felt May’s body leaning against mine.

That was the last time I saw her.

…

As the months passed, I felt messages on the walkways. I looked not only for May, but also for a Labrador with a long green leash. Nothing.

The one benefit to the chance encounter was that I walked miles each day, learning the city’s secret and hidden paths. No one knew that I searched for May. Thinking of holding her again occupied my thoughts. As unrealistic as my fantasy might be, I hoped she might want to be held again.

Last Saturday morning, as I approached the bench I shared with May, I bent to leave another message—the same one I always left.

A voice interrupted me. “Are you leaving notes for May Smith?”

I looked up, still bent down. A woman wearing a tracksuit and absurdly white shoes stared down at me.

I stood up. “I’m not sure. I don’t know her last name.”

The woman gave me a look of suspicion. “It seems odd that you don’t know her last name if you leave odd notes on the concrete.”

I shrugged. “You’re not wrong. I can’t explain it. We met about a year ago.”

“Does she have long black hair? Green eyes? She’s sixty-six years old.” The woman seemed hesitant. Her curiosity got the best of her.

I nodded, smiling. “You know her? Sixty-six? She doesn’t look like it. I’ve been looking for her for a year.”

“Yes, that’s her. I’m not telling you anything unless you can give me some context. There are too many weirdos in the world.” The woman gave me a look as if to indicate that I probably was one of those weirdos.

I felt like another person took control of my voice as I answered. “Her husband left her. All I can tell you is that we sat on the bench over there and held each other for what felt like a month. I think we had a connection. Her neighbor’s dog Bert ran by. She left too quickly before I could find out who she was.”

The woman listened intently. Finally, she shrugged. “What the hell? Why not? That’s her. You seem genuine. I’ll give you her address. But I will need to see your license if you’re one of those quietly crazy people.”

I pulled my wallet from my back pocket and opened it for the woman to inspect. She carefully looked it over.

“I hope you find her and what you’re looking for, Clark.”

I typed May’s address into my phone as the woman recited it.

“Thank you so much!” I felt the excitement in my chest.

“Good luck to you both. I wish my husband were so interested,” she said as she walked away.

I stood for at least a minute, arguing with myself about walking to find May immediately.

…

Thirty-five minutes later, I turned at the corner of Williams and Jones. The street was lined with nice two-story townhouses. May’s unit had to be somewhere along the street. I walked faster as my eyes scanned the numbers on the front of each building.

Up ahead, I saw a woman opening her mailbox. As she reached inside, I felt a twinge of anticipation. I knew it had to be May. Her long black hair covered her neck. She turned to walk back toward her townhouse.

Even though I was at least thirty feet away, I almost shouted. “May, is that you?”

The woman froze. When she turned, I saw the recognition in her eyes.

I didn’t know anything about her. She might be with someone now or not remember the encounter as magical or laden with potential. The “what ifs” almost stopped me, but the hope of the “what ifs” drowned out my worries.

“Clark!” May excitedly answered.

We locked eyes as I stopped in front of her. As I struggled to speak, May took away the need. She opened her arms despite the mail clutched in her right hand.

I moved in to hug her. May’s arms wrapped around me and squeezed.

“I’ve been looking for you for a year, May,” I told her, melting against her.

“I’ve wondered about you every day, Clark.”

“You have?” I almost lost my voice as the emotion of a year of searching welled up.

We wrapped our arms around each other more tightly. May’s face pressed against my shoulder. Once again, I felt like we had known each other forever.

Finally, May stepped back. Her eyes held mine.

“What are we doing?” May smiled.

“Getting to know each other. We can’t hug forever, you know.”

“I don’t see why not. I’d love to get to know you, Clark.”

I gulped. “I’d love that.”

May continued to smile. “Then come inside, and let’s start the dance of getting to know everything about one another.”

I followed May into her townhouse and into another life.

Love, X
.

Story, Writing

An Afternoon In Archibald County(A Story)

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“Jones, are you still out by Highway 63?” Deputy Jones heard his radio go off as he urinated by his truck. He finished, reached up, and held the send button on his shoulder-mounted radio. “Copy. Yeah, taking care of business,” he replied. The deputy raised his left hand to wave at Joe Smith as he drove by. Joe shook his head and waved with an index finger.

Jessie, the Sheriff’s wife who also served as dispatcher, secretary, and sometimes backup deputy answered, “Didn’t need to know that. Shake it off and go see what’s going on at Dave’s house, would you?” Jessie was accustomed to hearing the two deputies use the radio like teenage boys.

“Copy, be there in three minutes.” Deputy Jones laughed, knowing that Jessie would immediately chastise him for speeding.

He didn’t wait long. “Jones, you drive a Ford. It can’t go faster than 50 without taking a break.”

Deputy Jones didn’t ask what the disturbance was at Dave’s house. Dave used to be a hell-raiser until he met his wife June. Last weekend, June had met Dave on their porch as he came home from work and gave him an ultimatum: quit coming home after drinking or she’d leave. Sheriff Thomas made it clear to both deputies that he couldn’t allow Dave to return to his old ways. Their holding cell held only two people at a time and the sheriff couldn’t afford to drive Dave to the next county every weekend.

Deputy Jones floored his Ford pickup and turned down the last gravel road to Dave and June’s place in less than six minutes. As the deputy neared Dave’s house near the end of the road, he saw Dave standing next to his Chevy truck. The deputy didn’t hold Dave’s poor choice of trunk against Dave.

Dave held a rifle and fired shot after shot toward his porch. The deputy wasn’t worried about anyone getting shot, as Dave wasn’t that sort of person. Bullets were getting expensive, though, and Dave needed to be saving money.

Dave turned his head toward the deputy momentarily as he fired found after round at his porch. The deputy noted that one of his two rocking chairs on the far end of the porch had sustained considerable damage.

“Target practicing, Dave?” Deputy Jones had to shout between rounds as he approached Dave.

Dave lowered his rifle. He leaned it against his leg and pulled out a pack of Camels, lit one, and drew in a long drag on the cigarette.

“June left about an hour before I got home, Jones.” Dave exhaled a long blow of cigarette smoke.

“Well, she did tell you to stop going out and drinking, didn’t she?” Jones smiled.

“Yeah. But I wanted one more beer with the gang.”

Jones answered, “Did you tell her that? Or did you just stay after work and drink a couple?”

“I shouldn’t have to tell her every damned thing I do, Jones. She knows I’m not up to no good.” Dave sounded like he doubted what he was saying.

“She’s pregnant, Dave. It’s her job to teach you common sense.”

Dave half-smiled. “I have plenty of common sense!”

Jones shook his head. “Nah, you don’t. Not only are you wasting ammunition, but you’re ruining a perfectly good rocking chair. And hanging out after work with those hooligans doesn’t get you anywhere. You need to be at home, taking care of your beautiful wife.”

“Are you calling my wife pretty, Jones?” He paused. “Well, she is pretty, that’s for damned sure. And I won’t need two rocking chairs if June ain’t coming back.”

“Dave, this is what the sheriff’s wife would call a wake-up call. She’s not leaving you unless you give her no choice.” Deputy Jones put his hand on Dave’s shoulder for a moment.

“I can have a beer after work, can’t I? I work hard.”

Jones nodded. “Of course. But here’s an idea. Why not come home and cook some food out here on the grill and have a couple of friends come to celebrate with you and June instead of you sitting up at the stupid bar?”

Dave looked like he’d accidentally chewed a grasshopper. “You are a genius, Jones. You think it’d be all right with June?”

Jones nodded again. “I’m sure of it. Why don’t you call her and ask her? You know she’s at her sister’s house.”

“I’ll drive over and ask her right now!” Dave flicked his cigarette into the yard.

“Word of advice, Dave. The sheriff wants you to stop getting into your truck after you drink, as a courtesy to your fellow Archibald County residents. Besides, you’re going to have a kid in a few months.”

Dave froze. “Dang it. I wasn’t ready to have a kid.”

“That’s how life is. Besides, what did you think would happen if you kept putting your moves on June?”

They both laughed.

The deputy took his pistol from the holster on his right hip and aimed it at the rocking chair without any damage. He fired six shots, one after the other. Each bullet shattered pieces and splinters off of the unharmed rocking chair.

“Damn it, Jones, you ruined my other rocking chair! Now I have to buy two!” Dave shouted in surprise.

The deputy put his gun back in the holster and laughed. “That’s the cost of having me come out and talk sense into you. I saved your marriage. Are you gonna complain about needing two rocking chairs?”

Dave grinned ear to ear and leaned his rifle against his truck. He held his hand out to Deputy Jones, who shook it with a laugh.

“Go inside and call June. Tell her I said hello. That way she’ll know that you talked to someone with sense.” The deputy grinned and gave Dave a one-finger salute.

“Thanks, Jones. Call me if that useless Ford of yours breaks down on the way home.” He returned the one-finger salute to the deputy as he walked back to his truck.

Deputy Jones hit the send button on his radio. “Jessie, what we have here is just a case of target practice. Two rocking chairs are down.”

Jessie’s voice answered. “10-4. Joe called to say you were urinating on the road again. You have to stop doing that in front of people.”

Jones immediately replied, “If I do it behind people, they tend to get nervouser.”

“Nervouser isn’t a word, Jones.”

Deputy Jones laughed. “Maybe, but you understood me.”

Jessie hit the send button too soon because Deputy Jones heard the beginning of a laugh on her end. “No one understands you. Over.”

As the deputy backed out to turn around and head back to town, he watched as Dave walked up on the porch and inside his house.

He shook his head and floored the gas on his truck. Dust followed him as he left. Another day in Archibald County.

X