I have a roommate now. It’s not what you think. Is it ever with me?

I have a two-bedroom apartment in Fayetteville. Obviously, I don’t use either bedroom; my bedroom is all in my living room. On the other hand, if a bedroom is where the bed is and a living room is where the living is, then I am MORE in compliance linguistically speaking than the rest of y’all neanderthals who conform to normalcy. I looked up “normal’ again in the dictionary and I simply don’t cotton to the concept at all.

Also: judging by the way we’ve warped the world, I think we should try unconventional and baths!t crazy for a while. Convince me I’m wrong.

I had a pixie/fairy door at the house in Springdale. The pixie who resided there was named Crowder. I almost brought the door with me, knowing that Crowder would be obligated under the rules of magic to transport himself with the door. As you already know, pixies and fairies show themselves with less frequency the longer you live them. Humans and pixies weren’t intended to get used to one another. They do, however, get attached to animals and pets. It was with a heavy heart that I left both Crowder and the pixie door behind.

If you don’t believe in pixies or fairies, that’s fair. I just found out a lot of people don’t believe in science or bigfoot; both of these discoveries have left me in what is medically referred to as a “funk.”

This week was a blizzard of interesting things for my apartment. Among them, another pixie-fairy door. I opened it carefully. Pixies are whimsical creatures but don’t tolerate negligence well. For those who don’t know, pixies and fairies are both whimsical creatures; pixies are prone to mischief and wit. I couldn’t wait to discover which type of creature might choose my door.

It didn’t take long.When I entered the apartment this morning, I saw that the pixie door was still on the painted metal sign I left on the bed. However, next to it was scrawled a message, directly on the painted sign: “I’d rather use the door vertically. Don’t be lazy! Regards.” Below these words, the signature: “Larkma.” I’ve never had a female pixie before. And below that, “P.S. Please mark my door with my name?”

Hmmmm.

This apartment is already getting crowded. And because pixies are so damned mischievous, I now have something to blame my misplaced car keys on.