A List of Posts…

The sun is about to set.

I’m trying to figure out why I didn’t put a rocking chair on the deck. Fall has its hands on my shoulders.

As I leaned against the railing, a hummingbird flew up to feed, less than two feet from my head. Another one swooped in, darting around, and hit the first one. It darted down and hit me in the chest and fell to the boards of my decking. I leaned down to pick it up before I had the inclination to wait. As I stood up and held it loosely, I spread my hand with fingers splayed. The hummingbird madly fluttered its wings and flew up. It did so within a foot of my face, and then turned and darted away.

I don’t have a tidy recap for the moment.

Love, X

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The above picture is not a typo. Look closer.

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I don’t have a house. Or a lawn. So why did I buy a lawnmower blade on Amazon? I’ve had a totally stupid but creative project on one of my lists for FIVE years. It is going to come to fruition. This is the kind of time and whimsy that fuels me. Even crazier, I’m wondering why someone hasn’t marketed my idea already. It is SO stupid that it would sell like hotcakes. Lord help us all.

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The above picture is one I drew at work years ago. A talented co-worker colored it in. He recently sent it to me.

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Though I took this picture when the sun might have greeted me, it’s a picture of a streetlight.

Regardless of whether it’s the sun or artificial light, the truth is that if it illuminates with the intensity of what you need, both can be true.

If you embrace a truth, though it might not be factual. your life will radiate your embrace.

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I don’t understand the appeal of having a pot to piss in.

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I tried to adopt a cat yesterday. The zookeeper got really angry and I also have a lot of claw marks on my buttocks now.

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I figured out the perfect way to avoid getting into a fight. Simply stop for a second and put on a bright red shade of lipstick.

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At this moment, I REALLY needed a joke, so I pulled one of the 700+ I have done from my draft folder…

A friend of mine had a breakup with his girlfriend.I looked at a picture of her. She’s a pretty woman with light hair.

I told him, “I guarantee that I can describe your frustration with the relationship and with how she is toward you – and probably make you laugh in the process.

“No, I don’t think you can, X.”

Here’s what I quipped:”Ain’t No Sunshine When She’s Blonde.”

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This morning as I discarded things from the work fridge, I stopped and reread the scrawled words on top of the old vegetable platter: “… help yourself please for everyone.” Though the words were written with the intention to let everyone know that they should take what they wanted, I couldn’t help but realize that it was also metaphorical. The way I read it the second time: “Help yourself. Please. For everyone.”

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Usually, I enthusiastically jump out of bed. Wednesday punched me in the face this morning. I thought of this Douglas Adams quote as I stumbled around the living bedroom. (My hybrid name for mine.):“Many were increasingly of the opinion that they’d all made a big mistake in coming down from the trees in the first place. And some said that even the trees had been a bad move, and that no one should ever have left the oceans.”

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The Brian Law Of Guitar: You NEVER ask yourself if you SHOULD play the guitar or loudly; the question instead is for how long.

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If I were a gangster, I’d carry a clarinet in my hand everywhere I went. People would never see it coming, getting hit hard on the head with one of those. And, if played, probably causes just as much head pain as getting hit with it.

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Self-help and affirmations can be problematic: I asked a co-worker why she was eating 23 bags of Doritos.”My counselor told me to be the bigger person.”

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Since not all of y’all have a straight-talking ex-military handsome older man around you, I’m going to quote Clisson from this morning: “I ain’t got time for young girl problems with an older woman.”

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Family photos for the new apartment!

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Juan sped past me holding a suitcase.

“What are you doing?” I asked him.

“Just running something past you.”

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The only complaint I have with the dealers in this area is that none of them take personal checks, PayPal, or Venmo.

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Someone pointed out to me that an arrow is basically a projectile knife. And I pointed out to them that both E’s in the word “pee” are silent – which is weird because the activity rarely is.

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Call me crazy, but I want to form a mariachi band, one in which everyone plays a banjo.

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I was going to learn to moonwalk. But I need $422,692 to get there.

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As a joke, I signed up my neighbors for Mensa. 50% of them thought they received coupons for feminine hygiene products.

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It’s weird to think that the future version of you is talking a lot of smack about you, and wondering what in the heck you were thinking today.

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Everyone asks about the security at the new apartment. I have an ax, hatchet, and pellet gun. The best feature I installed? You have to solve a basic algebra equation using an abacus, which is tied to an electronic lock. Given the demographics, good luck. 🙂.

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I wanted one inside for a long time. So I bought one in the color I wanted. Y’all can proceed with all the old people jokes you want. I remember the last time when I flirted with buying one of these. I was 75 lbs heavier and the weight limit was slightly under that for the chair I wanted.

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Apartment Adventures”X, why is the fridge in the bedroom?””Well, some people say they love food.”

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I wrote the best possible marketing tagline for the American BDSM Association: “…When You Need Someone To Mistreat You Right.”

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2005 vs 2021, aka 97 lbs. The guy on the left could have eaten the guy on the right. .

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(t r a n s l a t e d anecdote)”Yes, I would like the Jesse’s Special.Without the queso, without the tortillas, without the rice,” I said.”Uh, that leaves just the chicken only, sir.””Serves the bastard right for crossing the road, doesn’t it?”.

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My friend Jessica told me I have a face that’s hard to forget. Just as I started to feel the compliment, she added, “…and that works in favor of the police sketch artist!”

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Unity and harmony aren’t always a positive thing. Just ask the voices in my head…

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Epictetus: “He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.”I have: Life. Choice. Opportunity. Whether I squander them is entirely my choice or fault. This has been true for my entire life, whether I believe it or not. At 54, I believe it. Love, X

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Knowledge you won’t find in a textbook: “Never complain about not having a shoulder to cry on if you’re around cannibals.”

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When I met the new Latino coworker, I couldn’t quite put my finger on why I didn’t like him, although something about his name, Adversario, gave me pause..

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