Having been exposed to multiple entries in the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, I worked to create a word to describe a sensation that sometimes plagues me. “Angstmorgen” is the word I came up with.
The feeling of dread for a day well-begun, as if an unseen litany of potential catastrophes lies ahead of you. No matter how energetic you are, how happy your embrace of loved ones. Experience teaches us that everything is eventual and that life is cyclical in its relentless ability to surprise us.
We can wake up with optimism, laughter, and the scent of a freshly-brewed cup of coffee in our comforted hands. We can look out on a sun cresting the horizon.
Somewhere, somewhen, there is always the chance that a calamity has already occurred and not yet reached our awareness.
People we love can decide that we no longer have a place in their lives. An inattentive driver can speed out of a parking lot in the wee hours of the morning, crushing the side of our vehicle. Our heart, dutiful servant though it may be, might choose today to stop providing our bodies with needed oxygen. Our boss might tell us we no longer have a job.
We have to enjoy the moments as they come.
It’s the only way to be satisfied or happy.
Because of the way our minds work, we accumulate the past in our minds instead of allowing the brightness of a new day to renew us. We know we are not our past or the cascade of our mistakes and choices.
The calamities that might befall us are unseen for a reason. For most of them, we can do nothing to prevent them.
Hug the person you wake up with. Savor the cup of coffee. Let the cat or dog in your house feel your hand on its back and ears. Your page is blank today and you can write whatever you want on this pristine entry. I wrote a few words and names of gratitude on a blank page this morning.
My needs are simple and my wants are few. And that makes me happy. I walked out on the landing, the cool mist-filled wind chilled me. I looked at all my happy colors, the colored lights I created filling my eyes. My cat meowed next to me.
Savor those moments.
Push angstmorgen aside, if you can.
The day is yours to experience.