The Vacuum Salesperson Admonition

No one can be with your partner unless they express interest. Your partner shared their number, their social media, or their presence. They agreed to it and then willingly followed the path. It might be a mistake – but it is not an accident.

It’s easy and common for the offended partner to lash out at the third person involved. The bitter truth is that the problem lies in the partner, not the third person. They created a triangle out of two connected dots in a relationship. The third person chooses to inappropriately communicate or be with your partner for their own reasons: loneliness, sexuality, and sometimes, just because they want to and can. The world is full of third people who want to interfere in your relationship.

Infidelity and adultery is a huge problem, one of most people’s biggest fears.

We fear it for complicated reasons.

We’ve all experienced the thrill of sexual fire, chemistry, or attraction.

It’s like heroin. Our bodies are maniacally designed to make us feel it. That’s hard to argue with!

You can look at all the major studies of sexuality and relationship dynamics. It won’t help your fears.

Remember, people are unfaithful for all sorts of reasons, some of which have nothing to do with their partners. It’s likely that the other partner feels love and loyalty. They don’t see it coming because there is a lack of honest communication in the relationship. Or, if there is, familiarity, apathy, or routine lessens its ability to get through to the partner who is unhappy. Sometimes, it’s because someone has put up a wall of defense and deaf ears; they know there’s a problem but can’t see a way to get past it.

But, the commonality is poor judgment.

It’s not an accident. It’s a decision, one which can be sidestepped at any moment.

It almost always starts small.

Afterward, it results from a series of poor decisions and escalating behavior. The person engaging in it can easily listen to the stirrings as they blossom. If they can. Or want to.

Rarely does infidelity or adultery just happen in the moment. There are exceptions! But even those exceptions usually involve a partner putting themselves into an inappropriate situation, intimately communicating with someone who catches their eye (or is desired by the other person), being under the influence, being around people without their partner nearby, etc.

Those are poor decisions, too, rather than accidents.

Be on the watch for third people, both from your own point of view and your partner.

The truth is that it’s easier to notice than we’d like to admit. We want to love and respect our partners. Even so, we know that somewhere out there, there is someone looking at them or us with hungry eyes.

Don’t let a triangle begin to form. Rupture its lines before they become solid.

People tend to be attracted to what interests them. The people they are around, the people they see. Including online. 90% of all affairs are between coworkers or people they interact with on social media. Physical presence is not a requirement for the spark to turn to fire. The internet has escalated the exposure.

Stop blaming the third person. A house filled with love doesn’t welcome intruders inside. Someone must get up and open the door for it to happen. Whoever opens the door is the one responsible, not the person knocking. They are trying to sell vacuum cleaners, so to speak. Everyone inside knows that’s what they are up to. If you already have a vacuum cleaner that works and makes you satisfied, why in the world would you want to invite someone inside with those intentions? Vacuum salespeople, like people who want what you have, know that getting the door to open is going to be successful most of the time. It’s pure psychology. If you are not interested in buying, why would you open the door to them?

Keep it simple.

Keep it honest.

Be the loving partner that YOU want in your life in every aspect that you can manage. That alone will set the foundation for a life of intimacy, all you’d probably ever want or need.

Love, X

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