I’m sitting outside in the dark at 3 a.m. There’s a beautiful breeze, the cicadas are buzzing, and I’m watching the surface of a small beautiful swimming pool. Above me is a crescent moon. Occasionally I can hear the flap of a small American flag across the street snapping in the breeze. Next to me is a delicious cup of bitter coffee. I’m in a conflicted state of Zen. One part of me is experiencing the beauty of the dark, absent other people. The other part of me is thinking and overthinking.

Over the weekend, a friend posted a list of guidelines for living a good life. Superficially, they are great rules. Something about them, though, bothered me.

“Honesty builds trust and integrity. It involves being truthful and consistent…”

“Never pose with alcohol. Maintaining a responsible image is important.”

There is a dissonance to some of these guidelines.

Image over authenticity is dishonesty. It sometimes provokes a wolf in sheep’s clothing and goes to the heart of secrecy.

Feeling obligated to dress well outside the confines of comfort and practicality is foolish. Clothing is artifice, concealment, and misdirection. It does not add respect or enhance either you or the job you do. Underneath those clothes, you are a human being, functioning like all the rest. Fashion is a wasteful misdirection of veneer over authenticity.

Using the example of alcohol, if you choose to drink responsibly, people see you drink and you’re setting a good example of how to do it. If you’re not drinking responsibly, concealing this takes away the accountability of your choices. It also leads people to misjudge whether you need help before it’s too late.

So many of our problems as individuals stem from our apparent need to control what people might think of us. Some are one person on social media and another in private. It’s why we have alcoholism, drug use, depression, and hidden toxicity.

The issue isn’t image or professionalism. Rather, it’s how we live our lives in each moment, openly and honestly. If you choose to drink, smoke, or even enjoy crocheting small turtles, the people around you should know. If you’re in a picture doing any of these things, the picture is a true reflection of your choices.

If you don’t go to church often, it shouldn’t be a secret. In the early centuries of the church, worship was almost exclusively conducted in small groups or at home. If you don’t believe some of the practices of your church or religion, reveal them so that people can understand you. Even if they don’t understand or agree, the truth is that every person I know picks and chooses which parts they find to be meaningful.

If you’re gay, transgender, or enjoy wearing clothing that other people say isn’t inappropriate, live your life anyway. It’s passing quickly and expecting to have the approval of everyone around you is a goose chase over hot coals. I’ve rarely met a person who doesn’t have some secrets.

Why are we afraid for people to see the real us?

Why does secrecy play such a large role in our lives?

The cicadas buzzing all around me don’t have an answer.

I don’t either.

Love, X
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