@xteriq

#relationships #love #couplegoals #honesty #truth #FYP #foryoupage #behavior #secrecy #fidelity

♬ willow – Taylor Swift

Am I wrong?

“It’s not WHAT you’re hiding. It’s THAT you’re hiding.”

Another Dave Worthen classic line.

Since your partner hasn’t seen whatever you’re doing or hiding, they only have one set of responses: fear, anger, helplessness, and unlovingness.

You could be hiding a picture, a text, or anything. You could be hiding a huge secret. A secret life.

The reality is that they don’t know what it is.

It could be anything.

Given how common this sort of thing is, they’ve witnessed innumerable marriages and relationships explode as a result of these secrets. There’s good reason for them to fear it. Some people on the wrong end were great examples of loving, trustworthy partners. And they still fell victim to it. They know it might not reflect the person, but what solace can someone take from the fact that it wasn’t really about them?

That’s why hiding things is poison to a relationship. You might convince yourself you’re doing so to avoid hurting your partner. You aren’t. They deserve to know and to be able to respond and react accordingly, based on whatever is being hidden.

Relationships are partnerships. Both need access to the truth to feel trusted and trusting.

The act of hiding anything is a hammer to your foundation.

Everyone knows this because it is obvious.

But each person doing the hiding has a rationalization and a set of at-the-ready explanations. If they are approached with questions, usually the Dragonfire comes out to burn anyone getting close.

The person hiding simply prolongs the inevitable discovery of what’s being hidden.

That’s two blows: the hiding as an act and the content of what’s being hidden.

It significantly impacts them and their ability to trust other people – or even themselves. They had a spidey sense of something amiss and ignored it for the sake of the relationship. It impairs the current relationship. If it ends, it damages their ability to leave it behind them when they attempt to be with another person. The person hiding things goes on to another relationship, too, and without learning why how they handled their last one wrong will probably lead them to double down on the hiding with the next partner. It degenerates into an endless cycle for them.

High-value partners don’t want this in their most important connection in life.