Whimsical

New Government Agency – The WTF

fbi2

I had a brilliant idea for the Feds. Instead of the ATF, CIA or FBI, why not create a Special Task Force and call it WTF? They could show up in force and knock down your door and scream “What the F happened here?” No matter how badly they perform their job duties, you could excuse it away by saying “Well, they are the WTF. WTF did you expect?” You’re welcome.

Personal, Social Rules

10162014 Pre-Eating: Moral Necessity or Social Gaffe?

http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=17592&picture=pre-race-focus    Link to original picture before modification by me, photo by Peter Griffin.

For years, I’ve been a strong advocate for “pre-eating.” In fact, years ago, I submitted several alternate entries for Urban Dictionary. Since then, I’ve noted with pride that the shame previous associated with the practice has mostly disappeared. Many people do it without realizing how many others are doing it, too.

For perfectionists out there, I concede that if you eat prior to a social engagement and then fail to eat during said engagement that you are no longer “pre-eating.” Instead, you are simply eating. Noted.

It is a very complex process, so here it is:
Before any social engagement where eating is an integral aspect of the function, eat until you are mostly satisfied BEFORE going to the social event. That’s it – I was just kidding about how complicated it is.

Does your sister-in-law routinely prepare food after shaving her 6 dogs on top of the stove? Do the dishes at your cousin’s house look like they were rejects from a Hoarders Episode? Are your friends crazy vegans? If you are a woman (or weird guy) concerned with her weight or concerned with other people’s perceptions of your eating habits, “pre-eating” is the recommended course. The focus is on regaining control of your own dining. Without shame or remorse.

Pre-eating takes away the thrill of possibly fainting from lack of food. It puts the control directly in your hands about when and what you eat. It eliminates the doubt about every variable. Granted, if you pre-eat, you can still eat lightly at the social engagement in question. But you don’t have to arrive and then begin to fantasize about eating the napkins, or grown increasingly concerned once you discover that the main course is a half-cooked mongoose served on bamboo shoots. You are covered in either scenario.

Likewise, if you misjudge how much you should have eaten, there are few things more rewarding than an unplanned run to Taco Bell or McDonalds.

Pre-eating works at Thanksgiving, for birthdays, or even parties. There is no shame in eating before arriving. The host has already spent the money and prepared the food – technically, you haven’t deprived them of any money or enjoyment. The point of a social engagement is conversation, sharing company and enjoying moments together. The food is secondary. It is NEVER a good idea to get so hungry that the social function becomes a distraction to the question “Is it time to eat yet?”

Pre-eating also works for business lunches, suppers and dinners. All of us have been invited (or ordered!) to attend a business lunch or supper. But we often don’t control the place, time or specifics. Who hasn’t been seated, only to find out 2 hours later that your main course was just accidentally snatched from the kitchen by wild dogs? Since it is a professional setting, you can’t do like you would normally do and start kicking and crying, begging the waiter to bring you a slice of white bread and dab of butter – before you either pass out or imagine strangling someone else and taking their food from their hands. Who hasn’t been to business luncheon with the promise of food, only to find 6 packages of crackers and a block of dried Parmesan cheese on the table, with 9 pairs of hungry eyes secretly jockeying for position to both act disinterested while simultaneously planning the best method to poke the next guy in the eyeball with an umbrella if you don’t get your share?

Pre-eating: take control. 

Whimsical

10092014 Random Goofiness…

This is a view of my Aunt Marylou’s yard. Godzilla, of course, wasn’t actually there!

“Each of us secretly believes ourselves to be immune from stroke, cancer, heart attack or sudden unpredictable illness and decay…” -X

Social Rules, Whimsical

09232014 Stapp’s Ironical Paradox


 
Stapp’s ironical paradox: “The universal aptitude for ineptitude makes any human accomplishment an incredible miracle.”
 .
P.S. This picture is of my dad, after he miraculously avoiding being killed after driving into a holler while incredibly intoxicated. True Story, too…
Whimsical

Rare Googly-Eyed Species of Deer in Central Arkansas

Rarer than the Ivory-Billed Woodpecker, a friend of mine spotted the even more reclusive “Googly-Eyed Whitetail Deer” in Central Arkansas today. To assist mobile users, I’ve zoomed in on the shot for you all to enjoy. The good thing about these deer is that it is impossible to determine whether you’ve startled them or not, as their perpetually “surprised-face” never changes.

Biographical, Social Rules

Adrian Peterson Social Media Commentary

My dad on the left. I didn’t make the notations on the picture.

Recently, I posted a status update on social media. It generated a lot of personal commentary, which is one of the best things that is possible from social media. I’ve written and talked about some of the abuse. It’s not a secret, especially in my regard.

For Adrian Peterson’s case, please keep in mind that I am in no way a sports fan. What triggered such a reaction from me were the words coming out of his mouth in regards to how he behaved. It’s bad enough when a blue-collar works echoes those sentiments, but when a famous multimillionaire does it while cloaking himself in both the Bible and old-fashioned “that’s what they done to me,” it galls me relentlessly. I could use the same idiotic logic and beat my spouse and children, too, almost to the point of death – because that is how some in my family deal with their problems.

“Not to cast aspersions on Adrian Peterson, but commentary: my father thought it would be appropriate to hit me across the back with a wooden rake. I wasn’t looking when he did it – the rake broke across my lower back. I urinated blood for days and didn’t get medical attention. He hit me with his fists, inner tubes, belts, sticks on many other occasions, yet I was somehow made to feel guilty about it – and then face the revisionists who would still insist that it wasn’t that bad. It’s a constant battle to not scream at other adults for failing to distinguish between discipline and abuse. If you are disciplining your child and draw blood or create bruises, you deserve to lose your job, go to jail, and be judged. Get help. If you are hurting your children to that degree, you are raising future adults who are heading into life as damaged victims ready to repeat the cycle.I would give anything to go back to several moments in my life and dole out in equal measure what was given to me. That desire is one of the single biggest impediments to living a joyous life.”

Several people contacted me privately, as they had a lot to say about it. Abuse, whether it is psychological or physical, is more common that people would like to acknowledge. It’s also commonly hidden and actively concealed from others. There are so many reasons that such things aren’t talked about.

Here are a few of the excerpts from social media (public comment, not private content):
 
“The system will work great IF people will talk. When they see it or hear, they should call or better yet go talk to someone to report it. Face-to-face makes the story much more credible. It’s not the police’s fault or social services when really all that needs to be done to vastly improve this is for people to come forward and tell someone.”

 “A lot of people ask why people wait until the are adults before speaking out. As a child you are afraid and ashamed. You believe it is your fault. The guilt combined with the fear is overwhelming. You also believe the threats to harm you or your loved ones are real. If you do tell someone, they don’t believe it, or choose to ignore it because it is too ugly. It takes years to recover to the point of being able to talk about it. When you do, people don’t understand unless they experienced it too.”

“ALSO, other members of your family can be very disapproving of your coming forward. They will try to shame you into silence.”

 “…everything you say about abuse is true. People need to speak it instead of hide it, for many reasons. There is so much abuse in the world it’s sickening.”


“I so agree. And you know it’s hard when defenders say…. It’s private. I’m a firm believer in sunshine makes situations better.”

“Did you know that Adrian Peterson also stuffed LEAVES into his boy’s mouth to keep him from screaming? He also whipped him in the testicles. I think everyone I respect is going to say that stuffing a kid’s mouth with leaves is evidence of pure crazy.”  (Allegedly?)

Others wrote privately about their own struggles and specifics. Much of it was a total surprise to me. I’m glad I wrote the post, even though it shared “too much” for some people. I noticed several key people in my life didn’t touch the post, even though it was sponsored and all over their news feeds.

It is always odd to me when someone engages in an open and honest way and other people have so much baggage that they are afraid to interact.  We can talk and snipe endlessly about politics and other superficial things but when the focus turns intense and personal, for some people, they simply can’t do it.