Being able to sound crazy is a home field advantage. Telling the truth while sounding crazy is sublime.
He looked at me and hesitated.
I knew what he was thinking. “Go ahead. Ask.”
“What’s your secret, X? It’s like you’re training for something. You’re still you. But something else, too.” He was uncomfortable. I’m known for saying outlandish things without context. Doubly so if the other person initiates the conversation. (And triply so if the conversation is personal.)
“Do you have moments where you almost see the world differently? Where things fall away?” I asked him. “Like ‘The Matrix,’ but real? I’m being serious! As if the things you thought were important were illusions and vice versa? Like a hidden truth just becomes obvious.”
He nodded. “Yeah.”
“I had one of those moments. I saw myself as this other person, the one I forgot. And I just knew I wasn’t fat anymore.” I laughed. I love seeing the looks on people’s faces when I tell them this. Telling someone that all your previous issues evaporated simply because you suddenly ‘know’ the truth of something sounds ridiculous.
“Hmmm. I don’t know how to get there from here. That’s not specific advice!” It was his turn to laugh. “And yours wasn’t just eating. How did you do the other things?”
“Whatever you’re thinking, it’s not about thinking. Move toward the things you want. Weight loss, being happier with what you have, another job. As for the other things, those are things I should have always been doing, anyway, just like being more careful about what I put in my mouth.”
He made a face. “Yes, but what specifically can I do? Not guru stuff, the actual things I can do.”
I returned his grimace. “Stop doing the things you know aren’t healthy or the ‘you’ you’d like to be five years from now. Start doing the things you know you should be doing. Whatever you do, commit to it and be okay with things being awkward and failing a few times until they aren’t. It took a lifetime to get where you are, so start now. Eat less. Eat more healthily. Do things that you actually like to do. And think about how they impact your other choices.”
I could see the simplicity of such ridiculous advice as it reached him.
“Keep it simple. Whatever you do, don’t do it unless you can picture doing it for the rest of your life. Don’t pay for pills, drinks, or expensive programs. You already more or less know how you would like to spend your time. Now go find a way to do more of that and less of the other.”
“Ha,” he said. “I think I can do that.”
“I know you can. I don’t possess any magic that you don’t. You saw me do it. Now let me watch you figure out how to do it.”
I wondered if he might be the next to succeed. I think so. I hope so.
In the last few months, I’ve had versions of this conversation with several people. Most expect a specific recipe for success. There isn’t one.
2 thoughts on “NO Such Recipe”
I read your post from 2016 about Ms. Ellison and know we were in the band at the same time. I wanted to let you know, if you have not heard, she passed away today at 11:20am. I did not know how else to contact you….but I read the post and understood and appreciated your sentiment. Thought you would like to know. Thank you for those memories. Please feel free to contacte via email if you like.
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Thank you for reaching out. I did email you in return. I hope that hundreds of people share their memories of her. They could fill a book – and that book would be enjoyed by many.