I have more than two full shelves of brooches and wearables now. That picture on the shelf is one of my Uncle Buck in the bathtub, taken about 50 years ago. It brings a bit of laughter to my face when I look at it. I’m not smiling because although I snapped five pictures, all the other ones look like I was just hit with a can of whipped cream.

Since my surgery, the nutritionist told me to eat at least 75 grams of protein a day. My boss Joe quipped, “You’re gonna have to get those numbers up.” I used to mock guys who lugged around a jug of protein powder. But it’s a lot less expensive than buying cases of good nutrition drinks. I’ve always loved the taste of raw protein and similar emulsifiers, so I think this will be good. Ignore me if my mustache is always powdery, okay?
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I got a list of dumbbell exercises that I’m supposed to do. No pushups for a while, though. 🙂 I have three dumbbells in the apartment: two five-lb ones and myself.

Before I started doing pushups on June 1st, my shoulder hurt from my job, especially my right shoulder. The pain went to basically zero within six weeks. If that nonsense returns, I’m going to start eating a lot ice cream. I researched it on the internet because that’s where we’re supposed to get our health advice. Millions of people can’t be wrong.
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Neighbor: “X, would you like to have kids?”
“Why, do you have extra you need to get rid of?”
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Customer service call:
“Would you like to hold or be held?”
(I’m pretty sure that’s what they said…)
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I’m always surprised by the number of washing machines at nudist colonies. But not by the number of contact rashes.
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“Sometimes making a meal with your best friend” could be read as tandem food preparation OR that you’re a cannibal.
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My friend Rodney told me that he was so excited that his wife had joined him in a love of shooting. Since I was over at his house a couple of weeks ago, I heard his wife Jane tell another friend, “Let’s target practice on Saturday.”

I told Rodney he might check her Target rewards card because she didn’t mean the other kind of target practice.
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“Silence is a superpower.” – X
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If you play rock/paper/scissors, studies have proven that if you ask the other person a question immediately before playing, they will most likely select “scissors” as their first choice.

P.S. Can one of y’all tell me how RPS isn’t an Olympic sport already?
P.P.S. Rock-Paper-Scissors should be played with real objects for maximum unsafety.
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Lately, I’ve kept my promise to say, “I don’t know” or “I don’t understand.” It undoubtedly exasperates people. While I can’t reliably speak on behalf of other people, it’s hard to believe that they don’t suffer from the same tendency to attempt to avoid admitting they “don’t get it.” Part of my own journey led me to realize it was something I needed to backtrack and work on. I’m getting the hint, though. A lot of people’s hair is suddenly standing on end when they deal with me. 🙂 “There’s no such thing as a dumb question” suddenly seems to be completely false.
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“There’s dark blue, dark red, dark green.. but there’s no real dark yellow.” Whoever said this hasn’t bee in the hospital, eaten really strong vitamins, nor consumed an entire box of cheerios in one sitting.”

• 
  I got to use a version of a classic joke while answering health questions:
  “X, do you smoke?”
  “I’ve never looked.”
  *
  Hope’s vending machine: a wishing well.
  (This one is not mine either, but I loved it.)
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  I filled my day with a variety of activities; a few were random acts of kindness, a couple were to beautify this place around me, and the rest were a combination of careful exercise, reading, and trying to eat calories and protein. I love the days but I’m still learning to fill the absence of people with ‘other.’
  *
  If you didn’t read my “Bullets” post earlier, you missed a couple of juicy bits.
  *

Love, X
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