All posts by X Teri

Shenanigans

Making my way back in a huge loop, I cut through a field to avoid the two miles of walking required to get around by road. The wind was blowing 10 to 15 mph, rolling over me as I stood in the grass and watched the sky. It felt like a delicious summer moment. Off in the distance I heard a dog bark a couple of times. A couple of minutes later, I heard a soft rustle to my left. Looking over, I saw a light-colored Mastiff mix of some kind sitting on its back legs and looking at me. 

Because I’m eloquent, I put my phone in my pocket and squatted. “Who wants some pets?” The dog wagged its butt and came right up to me, nuzzling against my hand. I wasn’t worried because if it had wanted to, it could have launched like a missile and took me to the grass. It followed me to the fence along the highway. I gave it one more pet through the boards. 

I wanted to walk one more time around the park opposite the equine center. It’s deeply dark and the wind howls through there. It’s also a great place to watch the sky. Heading toward it, a GMC Yukon veered off of Garland and slowly drove down the length of the park and then followed the dark road around until about the halfway point. Whoever was driving left the headlights on. It’s an unusual time of the morning for anyone to be out there. 

Shenanigans came to mind. I walked down the side road and then cut to the left through the grass into the park. You have to keep in mind that it’s deeply dark there and the only light is a dim one generated from the pavilion lights that are left on overnight. Standing next to a tall oak tree, I could see the silhouette of someone standing near the front of the Yukon. 

Without trying to control it, I screeched one of my infamous pterodactyl screams. I let out a second one. It took no time at all for the person standing next to the vehicle to open the door, hop in, and drive to the end of the road next to Garland. They stopped. I’m pretty sure their eyes were scanning the park, trying to see the origin of the pterodactyl scream. I let out another one. The vehicle immediately swung right and drove away on Garland. 

I’m infinitely amused that whoever was driving might go home and tell people that they heard a monster in the dark. How are they going to know it was a middle-aged man walking around in the dark, trying to find lemon moments and shenanigans? 

I’m not accustomed to my long walks meeting the sunrise, or the tendrils of color immediately prior to it. The birds have awakened on their new fall schedule. “I don’t get the appeal,” people will sometimes honestly tell me, hearing about me wandering around when we’re supposed to be sleeping. It’s not something to get. It has to be experienced. It’s exactly like pretty much every other human experience.

It’s for the same reason I climbed up on top of the 10 foot high mound of dirt next to the railroad tracks, not caring that I might fall down. The decibels of the air horn and the thunder of the tracks made the inside of my spine tickle as I stood on top of the mound and watched the train pass. The sunrise behind it. Try explaining that sort of thing to other adults who would never in a million years do it, even if I enthusiastically explained to them that it is as a memorable experience as watching the sunrise shine across a mountain in the middle of the wilderness. 

X

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Impossible November 14th

Speaking of impossibly beautiful mornings, this is one of them in Northwest Arkansas. 65°, breezy, with humidity high enough to blanket surfaces in dampness. If you’re lucky enough to walk under an oak tree when the wind gusts, you might get pelted with multiple acorns as you pass. 

The crows are arguing, once again proving that marriage exists in nature.

If you look up, you’ll be rewarded with blankets of all manner of leaves twirling down to add to the growing carpet on the ground.

It’s hard to believe it’s November 14th and that will likely have 70° weather the remainder of the week. 

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Outro

I needed a deviation this morning. So instead of the short drive to work, I went to one of the dark places where I can see the sky. I put on M83’s “Outro” and let it rip. If you’ve never heard the song, put in some earbuds or put on headphones and turn the volume up. If you don’t get goosebumps, I’m not sure you’re human. 

X

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Straight

This story proves I don’t always get the last word, but I do often get the last laugh. 

After work I went to the nearest inconvenience store to buy a lottery ticket.

(If you ask why I bother buying lottery tickets, it’s because they won’t give them to me at no charge. Duh.) 

Anyway, I’m careful when I pull in to that particular store. Fellow visitors to this particular store sometimes display a disregard forcommon traffic laws. Such as driving blindfolded, for example. 

I had to hit the brakes and come to a complete stop in order to avoid a car that tried to exceed the speed limit going in reverse as they backed out of the space adjacent to the building.

Someone behind me braked hard enough to cause a squeal. The driver hit the horn to announce the size of their genitals.

I pulled into the spot the reversing speed demon just left. The car that had almost hit me from behind raced up to park on my right. 

I exited my little blue car and walked around the front. The man driving the car said something I didn’t understand. 

“What?” Sometimes I’m really eloquent. 

Asking him to repeat himself must have been a burden because he shook his head. 

I expected something derogatory. And he probably meant it that way. He glanced along my car. “You’re so gay you can’t even drive STRAIGHT.”

While I’ve seen the phrase on social media, it fit the situation perfectly. Naturally I burst out laughing, which confused the guy. 

His insult tickled me. 

PS If I ever see him behind me again, of course I’ll do the logical thing and crash through the side of the building to avoid inconveniencing him.

Me

I have immunity from boredom. It’s like time is compressed for me most of the time. Regardless of the environment, I have the literal world in this little rectangular box I’m typing into. Music, opinion, language(s), ideas. Not to mention an endless supply of things and objects that can be reformed or used to occupy my hands and brains. I also have the entire outside world. I’m lucky enough to have a car that I can get in and go when I want. And still have two healthy feet to propel me. I’ve yet to take a walk where something interesting was lacking.

One of our worst attributes is that we tend to focus on what we perceive to be missing. Instead of the wild luxury that was not available for most of human history. The tendency to seek what we think we’re missing is also a great source of pain in our personal lives.

For those who like to think about thinking, it’s either liberating or debilitating. It’s existential and separating.

But because the internet can be a cringefest or a personal revelation, I sometimes don’t say the things that many of us have in common but never talk about. At least not authentically. Vulnerability is the undershirt that we hide under a thick jacket. Even when someone dares to strip away the ego-driven layer, we universally agree to look away or let our awkwardness keep us from diving in.

Because I do so much, I have an astounding amount of content floating around the internet without any attribution to me. Sometimes, it comes back to me transformed. Which makes me feel seen and heard in ways that I’m not in my personal life. It’s a constant staccato of surprise for me because the people around me have their own idea of who I am, reinforced by the experiences they share with me, molded by whatever environment we’re in. Most of those environments are not authentic. 

Love, X

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Santa Is My Next Door Neighbor

Mystery Solved!

My next door neighbor “Phillip” forgot about my cameras.

I turned on “Magic Mode,” a new feature for Wyze cameras. I didn’t read the tutorial about the new capabilities of my cameras. Evidently, the camera is magic due to its ability to see things as they are, instead of concealing what’s right in front of us.

Although “Phillip” rides a motorcycle most of the time, I realized that each year as fall deepens, the smell of cinnamon and pine seem to fill the air when he walks by. I hear strange bells at night. My cat Güino does too. His little ears are constantly pointing up and in the direction of the apartment next door.

You’ll note in the pictures that my Wyze cameras are now revealing an obvious fact: my next door neighbor is Santa.

He pulls a trailer behind his truck when he’s not riding his motorcycle. He’s not fooling anyone. That’s just a sleigh cleverly disguised.

To add insult to injury, take a look at what his huge red gift bag says: “Not Santa.” I bet if I ask him about that, he’ll say he’s being ironic and funny.

I fully expect that by the time December greets us, “Phillip’s” costume will morph into the red and white clothing of Santa that we all recognize and love.

I know “Phillip” won’t put me on the naughty list. Not because I don’t deserve it, but because my name is already there, so there’s no point duplicating the effort.

I’ll keep y’all updated.

PS The magic mode is truly magical for my cameras. (Also, you’ll note that FB has tried to tag these photos as AI. Santa has a powerful reach, doesn’t he?)

X
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Signs

Random fact…
This isn’t a hieroglyph. If you have a careful eye, you might see them in odd places. This one is supposed to mean “Do not climb.” Typically it’s placed on poles needing replacement.

Over time, I’ve concluded that many of these are nailed into poles that are, in fact, way easier to climb than normal poles.

I’ve ordered 535 of them. One for each member of Congress.

X
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Rule 47

Rule 47

“Anyone who posts words, policy, or statements by our current president for any purpose other than mockery or excoriation can no longer be taken seriously regarding any societal, political, or economic consideration.”

I can cite countless examples. The government shutdown can be ended without any Democrats voting in favor of it. By changing the filibuster rules, Trump and his Republican devotees can pass the budget bill immediately if they choose to do so. Given the increasing risk that Congress shall soon become an anachronism without teeth, it’s ridiculous to worry about tomorrow’s fire when our shoes are melting today. 

People reposting Trump’s ill-informed and uneducated rants in support of something that’s factually untrue isn’t surprising.  If racism, misogyny, fraud, and incitement toward insurrection aren’t deal breakers, it’s a deep well from which to draw an infinite spiral of malevolent ridiculousness. 

If Trump wishes to be king, then let’s proceed with the coronation so that we can move on to a broken democracy. At least under that scenario, we will not be victim to an ongoing onslaught of “WTF”

moments, nor continue to hope for an end to the madness. 

We can acclimate ourselves to the loss of the country we grew up in because we’ll have no other choice. 

This isn’t politics. It’s madness and mayhem, driven by someone completely unfit to run a household, country, or company. 

X

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