I’ve reminded many people about this because it infects many relationships. Pay attention to what your person says they want or need. They’ll repeat it – until one day, they go silent. That silence equals danger.
Love, X
I’ve reminded many people about this because it infects many relationships. Pay attention to what your person says they want or need. They’ll repeat it – until one day, they go silent. That silence equals danger.
Love, X

A personal post…
Some days, there are so many triggers I feel like I’m at a gun show. I wish I had the capacity and audacity to consistently see the truth in my reflection. It’s one thing to intellectually know that the past is a shadow behind you in the mirror and another to nod at it and give it the finger. It’s true that the past is our shadow. That’s all it is. A phantom and needless stone that we carry in our pocket instead of putting it down. I often think of the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I know each day often gives us the miracle of a new attitude if we simply decide it. People are going to carry in their heads an image of you that no longer exists. Fighting it is idiocy. If you can accept that is truth, you should be able to accept that swatting away the shadow in your head is equally possible. I think a lot about my sister because her scenario highlights the hypocrisy I practice. All she can do is stay on the new path and let time do the rest. I call myself a hypocrite because I catch myself judging her against the backdrop of her previous life. It’s a natural and normal reaction but one that serves no one. The optimistic people among us know that radical change is possible. The practical side of us nods towards the idea that we know it’s not likely in many cases. We’re all going to fall down in the mud. It really does boil down to whether we will wipe it off and keep going. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t listen, hear, or see someone managing to salvage their life or sanity. Some days are the opposite scenario. The same circumstances turn one person into a cynic and another a saint. All we need is Rocky music playing in the background when these things happen.
X
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I voted today and my precinct was amazing. I waited literally zero seconds for any process of my voting. Though I am a liberal independent, I voted in the Republican primary like I did 4 years ago. The goal was to be able to say that I voted against him each time he’s been on the ballot. I’ll leave you to speculate which candidate I’m referring to. As for presidential politics, I do not expect either major candidate to be chosen by their respective parties, each for different reasons. It’s a bold prediction but when I’m confident in.
X
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PS I realize that just a few days ago that I said expressing your political beliefs is like sticking your head in the microwave. My political beliefs can be best described: qualified, intelligent, and compassionate candidates who are committed to doing what’s best for each set of circumstances without resorting to ridiculous ideology. In this day and age, that’s tantamount to saying that you have lunch with leprechauns.
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After doing what I had to do in order to do what I want to do, aka work, and doing a blizzard of chores… I could not resist the call of the creek. I followed one of the little tributaries until I was certain I would break my neck doing so. Even though it’s 80 plus, the water is a bit chilly and my feet started feeling as cold as a senator’s heart. I could not quite make it to a tree with at least two dozen huge crows in it. It sounded like a management meeting wherein everyone was arguing about what color the cover sheet should be for the new TPS reports. Light breeze, the sound of the water cascading, and would-be managers cawing crazily in the overhead canopies of the trees. Maybe because it’s been a while since I’ve walked down the middle of the stream beds… It’s hard to simultaneously bear a grudge against the workday while experiencing such a familiar feeling. I tried hard to find something to gripe about. But the water cascading kept telling me to be quiet and be still. If you’re not prone to overthinking, you might not understand the imposed stillness.
X
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Someone asked me if I was the one writing the political messages on the sidewalks. No. I don’t see anything wrong with it. It washes off. My sidewalk antics are always shenanigans. If I were to ever write anything controversial, I would sign it. It’s part of the reason my Facebook posts and other accounts are public. You either enjoy a good combination of wacko and introspection, or you don’t. In this day, trying to sway someone’s political opinions is exactly like attempting to microwave your own head. With just about the same results.
Love, X
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There’s something in business I call the invisible ceiling. It lies between management layers. It’s part of the defect of many organizations. Upper management mandates their objectives. As those objectives trickle down, human beings are relied upon to make them happen. We’re reluctant enough to share negatives with our own partners. Lower managers do not communicate their objections, obstacles, or negatives to those above them. Even when it’s beneficial to the organization. Upper management becomes increasingly unaware of the issues at ground level. Their decisions become more divorced from reality. The invisible ceiling between levels in organizations leads to misbehavior and poor management. If human beings are involved, you can be darned certain that there will be both bad decisions and even worse responses to keep those consequences out of sight of those who decide whether people can continue working.
It’s a combination of both ego and paycheck.
How can organizations minimize this disconnect? By employing people with the knowledge and nerve to know that part of their job is to say things that their superiors might not want to hear. You also need relief valves so that the people performing the work have a connection to the upper management. The more flexible and spontaneous these relief valve communication channels are, the more likely that middle layers of management will stifle their tendency toward silence or controlling the information flow. It also identifies weaker managers much more quickly.
Everyone says that they want open and direct communication. Yet, if you look closely at not only relationships but business models, you’ll see that they are designed and operated on a daily basis with no direct communication driving it.
You have to have vocal people and encourage them. If it’s not part of the culture, it’s an open secret that you should bite your tongue. Open doors mean nothing if people are nervous to use them – and doubly so if the person in the chair isn’t listening.
I’ve watched this in action my entire life.
It’s so obvious that it’s a critical component of success.
“If you’re not listening to and talking to the janitor, you’re missing critical information to keep your business healthy.”
Businesses are complicated machines. While some positions are more replaceable, all of them have their necessity; otherwise, they wouldn’t exist. Pay attention to all the cogs and provide a means for voicing contrary opinions. You’re going to wish you listened to your spouse, and you’re going to wish you’d taken a minute to ask the person doing maintenance if there was anything that could be a problem.
Anonymous surveys cause raised eyebrows. One-on-one interaction brings revelation.
X
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now that the wrinkles accumulate
ask me whether I would rather have all my matches burn at once
like water for chocolate
or be a dim torch
that lets me survive the day
i would rather be lit up like a careless torch
it truly is a matter of how much life you have in your days
and not how many days you have in your life
all that holds meaning is invisible
yet we live our lives with our eyes
the diminishing calendar looks at us and laughs
and people wonder why I wince
upon hearing the excuse of tomorrow
a spiraling plane and a kitchen floor
those two days
taught me so much more
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I’m not judging Oprah Winfrey for being deceptive about the cause of her weight loss. She’s an adult and did what she needed to do.
What bothers me is that several high profile people have said that it’s impossible to lose so much weight so quickly without resorting to drugs or surgery.
That is not true at all.
This week, and old friend reached out to me, saying he needed to lose a lot of weight and his focus was going to be on exercise.
Though I have not written about it much lately, you might remember that I have a different take that most people don’t understand.
At my highest point, I was at 253. I woke up one morning feeling like death was standing behind me. A bell went off in my head.
From that day, I completely flipped my diet and experimented with better quality foods that kept me feeling fuller.
I ended up losing over 100 lbs. I did not starve myself. But what I did do was realize that I was obviously consuming more calories than I was burning. Despite that, I did not count calories. I didn’t take drugs and I didn’t add any exercise until about 8 months later.
I chose push-ups because I could do them anywhere. The amount of time traveling to and from a gym usually exceeds the amount of time you’re actually working out. Later I added dumbbells for the same reason.
I consumed a massive amount of vegetables, cooked and seasoned wildly. I ate so-called bad foods too because failing to treat yourself is a guarantee that you’ll fail.
While I am not at 150 anymore, one thing that came out of the process is that I realize that I can drop to any weight I want simply by putting into action my desire to see it through. It’s true that if you have an underlying medical condition, this process is going to be very chaotic and more difficult. When I talk about my weight loss or anyone wanting to do the same, I’m not including those people in my recommendations.
If you leverage your body correctly and simply figure out a way and experiment to eat so that you’re not hungry but can also stop consuming so much of the things that you know in your heart are part of the problem, you will lose weight over time. It’s consistency.
The other thing I can’t help but preach about is that you need to be very careful about doing anything you can’t do for the rest of your life. Losing weight is not a sprint or a one-off thing. Because if you change back to old habits, your body is going to start storing calories again if you consume more than you burn.
I didn’t have any special skills. I still don’t. But I do have a certainty that weight loss can be achieved simply by taking small moves and making them a habit. You don’t need to spend an hour a day in the gym. You can walk, do intense housework, or enjoy moving around in a lot of ways. Building muscle does help keep you healthier overall. The science is clear. But if you are looking to lose weight regardless of your muscle mass, you will always get a bigger bang for your buck by reducing the things that you know aren’t good for your weight. It’s easier said than done, right?
You have to choose your hard. Food is damn good and always will be. If you take a hard look at what you’re eating and figure out a way to reduce it and trade lesser foods for better ones and keep at it, you will lose weight.
Being thinner does not equal being more healthy. But let’s be honest. A great number of people need to lose weight so that they will feel like they look better. I don’t judge people for their reasons. We are vain creatures.
If a billionaire struggles to keep her weight where she wants it, it’s a certainty us mere mortals will struggle too.
And we will continue to struggle until we face the demon and acknowledge that most of us have more weight than we want simply because we don’t understand how many more calories we’re eating than we need.
X
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Yesterday morning, I watched an older lady painfully collect her bags from the EZ Mart counter. When I left, I rolled down my window and offered her a ride. I could see the look of distrust in her eyes. She said thank you and immediately turned away. She struggled with the bags as she walked.
Today as I left the worst convenience store in the history of mankind, another older lady seemed to be talking to me from a distance as I drove away. Because my car has ancient roller windows (even though it’s a 21 model), I leaned toward the passenger side and rolled down my window. She asked me if I could give her a ride. Honestly, assuming she wanted a ride to a nearby location, I had time. It’s rare for me to hesitate. But something about her seemed off. I told her I could not. She smiled and said thank you. And then she added that she loved my purple glasses. Something about her saying something nice and adding a smile after she realized I wasn’t going to give her a ride banged a gong in my head. I’ve given plenty of rides to questionable people if I’m alone because the risk is only to me. Or them, if you know me well enough.
Love, X
PS The picture is unrelated to my story. I took it Saturday. My cat was rolling around under the tree debris as if it were catnip. He’s on lockdown again after yesterday’s shenanigans.
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A version of this was seen by a LOT of people.
I deviated from what I knew to be true once – and I paid the price.
Love, X