Category Archives: Lemon Moment

Behavior, Lemon Moment, Personal, Psychology

Madman’s Gyroscopic Kaleidoscope

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Things you’re not supposed to acknowledge…

Yesterday, a compliment and acknowledgment echoed back to me from decades ago. One part of the experience resulted from me sharing a piece of myself years ago. It lay dormant until the universe collided after waiting for the right moment to be awakened. One of the outcomes of which is that I experienced what can only be characterized as deep regret. When you are young and naive and trying to flourish in the middle of trauma, everything is a danger signal. Even when you don’t have the knowledge or insight to recognize it. From the contemplation of those almost forgotten memories and regret came a flash of rare insight. Pieces of the me that I am today were obviously right on the surface. My prolific nature. My love of words and converse loathing of their alleged structure and use. Valuing rare moments wherein people take risks and open themselves up to harm through vulnerability. As the universe invariably does, I was dealt another direct hit early this morning. A reminder that treachery can nestle behind both smile or anger. There’s a perverse duality to this set of seemingly disparate and distinct experiences; one of whispered memories and the other a demonstration that everyone has something to learn. The letter part is doubly true when the person does not want to see themselves clearly in their mirror’s reflection. Arcane or factual knowledge has its place but dims and dissipates, contrasted against the type of realization that you feel when it cuts you from the inside. Earlier today, a song came on that overwhelmed me. Instead of shirking away, I gave it my attention. And then the next song blasted me out of the reverie. Life is like that. It demands both kneeling and dancing, often like a madman’s gyroscopic kaleidoscope. Love, X

Lemon Moment

Natural Fireworks

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Of course I was asleep by the time the rain started. But I got to steal a moment from the other end at 1:00 a.m. A few diehard people were still shooting fireworks at that hour. Even though my jaw was still sore from the pry bar on Wednesday, I stood out on the landing and watched the lightning continuously light up the sky. By 2:00 a.m. the thunder rolled in with another crescendo of rain and gave me canopy lighting, as if the sky were a strobe light. The temperature dropped to 69° as the cool air hit me.

X

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Behavior, Lemon Moment, Opinion, Personal, Psychology, Social Rules

Surrender

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A part of me is still flying in the May afternoon, the sun declining and making me a human prism. No cape required.

What I wanted most from the experience of jumping was to know what it would feel like leaning out knowing I had to surrender and spiral out.

But what it has done over time is paradoxically make things more colorful while simultaneously making other things banal.

I’m trying to decide between bull riding and telling my manager he’s got a bad haircut. Both seem equally dangerous.

Someone quipped to me that once you see the Grand Canyon you can’t look at a simple yet elegant river without comparing it.

Many of our comparisons are subconscious. If you’ve ever experienced acceptance at its most basic level, it’s hard to deal with quibblers. If you’ve experienced unconditional love, anything less than surrendering to it feels like a violation. If you’ve learned something that challenges your core beliefs, it’s hard to believe that you aren’t wrong about a lot of other things, too.

I’m still flying and I’m not certain it’s to my benefit.

It incrementally brought back that feeling of detachment that was such a joy almost 20 years ago. Detachment allows you to have deep singular experiences, but it also paradoxically separates you from the turmoil.

It’s ego that tells me that it’s wrong to say, “People who jump out of airplanes don’t quibble over trivial.” Equally true is that once you lose a piece of your identity because of loss or recognition of how alone you can be when you don’t take care to dive into to mess of life, it’s hard to dial back in.

Someone also told me it’s not wrong to lean in and feel like I did something special, even if thousands do it each year. It’s on people’s bucket lists for a reason. Even if all I did was lean out and let go, allowing gravity to do the rest.

How many of us live life on autopilot anyway? Waiting for whatever happens to happen.

“Not changing is choosing.”

Love, X
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Humor, Lemon Moment, Personal

2 a.m.

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I enjoy the uncertainty of inconvenience stores. They are the way stations of unpredictability. This morning I stopped at the inconvenience store super early. A young girl exited a vehicle. She had a hospital ID band on and she seemed disoriented. When I walked in, I felt disoriented too. It’s normally quite dead at that hour. The clerk was on his tiptoes, pushing at the ceiling tiles with a short broom. Near the soda machine were several women all looking up and chattering. Naturally, I goosed the clerk hard in the ribs unexpectedly as he stretched. He giggled like a pigtailed girl. The other women ranging in ages from I couldn’t possibly guess to possibly 90 years old stood next to the soda fountains looking up and offering a rapid-fire litany of commentary. An unidentified insect was evading contact in the ceiling tiles and fluorescent lights. Because cicadas have made their appearance, I assumed it was a cicada. I told the clerk to assume that the insect was actually a malevolent monster waiting to attack him. I also told him I had the Seek app to identify it if he would get up there on a ladder and yank it out. He spiritedly declined my solution.

The oldest lady in the group insisted that the insect hiding above us was a dragonfly. I told them all that because I have an advanced degree in zoology that I was certain it was one of the new venomous flying spiders that always accompanied the arrival of the cicadas. Much to my surprise, I could see that everyone who heard me was convinced that I knew what I was talking about. Their initial gullible reaction proves why conspiracy theories spread so easily on social media. 

The point-of-sale system was down and displaying what amounted to hieroglyphics. Luckily I had a $5 bill. I told the clerk I would give him another $5 if he would stand on my back and stick his hand in the crevice to remove the insect. He gave me a look, one that said, “Ain’t no way in hell am I sticking my hand up there.”

Another couple entered the store. They both looked like the result of what happens when you don’t have enough sense to go to bed. They too looked confused at the gaggle of people in the store staring up at the ceiling.

As I reached my car, one of the women hollered that it indeed was a huge dragonfly. I think she told me that to scoff at my advanced degree in zoology.

I didn’t see it, of course. I much to prefer to imagine that it was indeed a venomous flying spider.  

I hope the reminder of the day is equally tumultuous and chaotic. It’s not like I get to vote on the matter anyway. 

X

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Art, Humor, Lemon Moment, Personal

M e

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Whether you use the word weird, creative, or eccentric, it’s obvious to most people that I hit the target. It’s hard enough getting people surprises or gifts on traditional days. In my case, everyone knows that I much prefer random days for surprises. They also know that if the gift itself isn’t personal, the box, card, or the way I present it is definitely going to be. I don’t like the idea of a world without chalk, index cards, or random shenanigans. That includes sending clown noses, a custom picture of Doc Holliday, receiving a flutophone, or one of my favorite things in the world: prisms. 

People forget that at one point I was decorating the envelopes I used to make my car payments. I didn’t know until much later that the car lot manager kept all of them on a wall. Assuming he’s still alive, I’m convinced he definitely remembers his unusual customer. I took the mundane necessity of making a car payment and made it a crazy memory, as well as an accidental art installation in a small car lot office.

The reason I explain all this is that sometimes I spend a great deal of effort and time making something unique. Overwhelmingly, people are delighted and truly surprised that I thought enough of them to make the attempt. 

What consterns me are those times when my gifts or creations are misunderstood. It’s a lot like starting a conversation that’s difficult. You can’t control the other person’s reaction or the outcome. 

Me not making or sending surprises to people isn’t in my nature. It’s like criticism when you sing or write something. You have to accept the criticism just like you do the praise or encouragement. 

In a world inhabited by so many different people, it stands to reason that decorum, style, taste, and humor aren’t universal. 

Some people reading this have been on the receiving end of things out of the blue. Some have received things from me anonymously. Others have been walking around Fayetteville and discovered literal eggs filled with surprises, pieces of art, or just about anything creativity might cook up. 

My intention is to be me and create small moments. The fact that most people aren’t like me is truly independent of what I do or why. 

I have a stack of red capes in my hall closet waiting for the right day when several of us are going to need some comedy and ridiculous adventure during an otherwise normal day. That should tell you all you need to know about me. 

Love, X

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Animals, Fayetteville, Lemon Moment, Personal

Wednesday Universe

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I think most people visit Mount Sequoyah at the wrong time of the day. At 6:00 a.m. you won’t be crowded. This morning was cool and the sun was filtered through heavy clouds. Deer wander around everywhere and are largely unconcerned by your proximity. (Unlike your boss, who is undoubtedly plotting another round of micromanagement for your own good.) Due to federal law, my age requires me to be fascinated by birds I haven’t seen. This morning up on the mountain it was Indigo Buntings, which are bluer then a 6-year-old holding his breath during a tantrum. I have a sentimental connection to the spot but more than anything, it is a singular reminder that we often don’t need to travel to distant places to see the places we inhabit differently. 

X

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Fayetteville, Lemon Moment, Personal

Summer Nights

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Am I the only one who sometimes realizes how absurd life is? When I awoke this morning, I had been dreaming something nostalgic but I couldn’t catch even a whisper of what the dream was. For a minute, I thought it was Friday and that work was ahead of me. I was driving around after 3:00 a.m., having gone to the inconvenience store for a soda. The clerk, who was stocking and cleaning over by the soda dispenser, told me “That one is out of flavoring.” I laughed and continued to dispense the soda because I drink carbonated water without a second thought. When I left, I turned the wrong way without thinking and just kept driving. Soon enough, I went through the stretch of construction and up the side hills of Fayetteville. One section had been redone and the street lights were both beautiful and bright, casting shimmers in the darkness. The deer crossing signs became more numerous and on the way back down I discovered why. I had to come to a complete stop because five deer were standing in the middle of the road looking at me. I waited and watched them. After a bit, they dispersed to the left side of the road and I drove on. Because I listen to a wide range of music, I switched the radio to 106.5, which I like to call Old Person’s Variety Radio. I sang along to the ridiculous song playing. It was “Summer Nights” from the Grease soundtrack. I took a moment to think about the fact that I was in fact in a summer night, albeit at 3ish in the morning. At the next intersection, I watched a vehicle come toward me as the song played. The driver was either intoxicated or driving with a bag on his or her head. They erratically passed and I continued on my way. I adore these early mornings because most of the people I encounter are closing out the day before while I’m starting mine. I stopped on top of one of the hills and exited my car. I took a moment to look across the city and see Old Main shining in the distance. The early morning robins were singing loudly. Although nothing happened, it felt like something was about to. It was just a beautiful untimed moment. With a few exceptions, it’s all mine in these early mornings. There’s a fine line between enlightenment and lunacy. Summer nights. 

X

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Animals, Exercise, Fayetteville, Lemon Moment, Personal

Nighttide Walk

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I’ve been out wandering the colorful nighttide. (Still one of my favorite words.) The colors and sky have been worth seeing. I enjoyed seeing the little house cat in the industrial building, its paws raised up behind the dirty glass of the front window. The fox that darted across the street in front of me, headed to the creek. A couple of rabbits, one dog wandering and wanting to be petted, goats in their enclosure, a few bats, and a variety of birds that I collected on my Merlin app. The wind has been blowing the entire time, rustling the trees and foliage. I saw a couple of people who were ill-advisedly still up from last night. One of them was sitting by the creek on the large rocks along its banks, enjoying a beer. I don’t normally walk in the creek barefoot so early in the morning, but I couldn’t resist. There are a few places near my apartment where the sky opens up and are relatively uncluttered. I sometimes forget how much a juxtaposition the area is. The world is unfortunately waking up now. But I owned it for long enough this morning. 

X 

PS I got to pet a squirrel after work yesterday.

Fayetteville, Humor, Lemon Moment, Personal

Chad

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Am I the only person who has infrequent yet regular interactions with someone simply to pretend to be annoyed? A few weeks ago, a man in a blue sedan was going at least twice the speed limit down the hill toward the Scull Creek bridge.  I had more than enough time to cross the street, so I did. The man in the car stopped very quickly considering the speed he was going. He backed up a little and put his window down. I will call him Chad. I calculate there is a 1 in 74 chance that is his actual name. 

“Hey, you need to be more careful,” he hollered at me. 

“I’m not sure that caution will help me with low flying blue aircraft like the one you are piloting.”

He couldn’t help himself. The irritation disappeared from his face. “Fair enough. You should use the crosswalk.”

“And you should watch for low power lines,” I fired back at him. Both of us were smiling at this point. He waved, put his window up, and sped away. 

A couple of weeks ago, he saw me standing by the bridge. He slowed down and put down his passenger window. 

“Still running your insurance scam?”

I laughed. “Yes, because your mom says I don’t make enough at my job to support us both.”

He laughed, waved, and drove away. 

Today, I saw him coming from the other direction for once. He put down his window as he slowed. There was a car behind him. 

“Mom asked me to tell you to bring home a loaf of bread on the way,” he said, obviously remembering my last joke. 

Because of the car behind him, I didn’t want to hold him up so I gave him two thumbs up and laughed. He laughed too, as he drove away. 

When we are firing back and forth at each other with commentary, it feels exactly like a hidden camera sitcom. 

The interactions make me feel literal joy. Maybe because it all started with a flash of irritation. But now I’m on the hook for clever comebacks. I guess I’ll ask his mom while she is cooking us dinner tonight. 

X

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Art, Lemon Moment, Personal

Surprise

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One of two surprises given to me for taking care of a sweet dog and cat a couple of weeks ago. The other one I will hold in reserve for a bit of shenanigans. In two weeks when it stops raining, perhaps this one will reveal its polychromatic sunlit spectacle. 

X