Category Archives: Behavior

Detach

Truth does not need a hammer.

This is a personal post. I avoided fancy vocabulary; it’s all over the place because I write with a shotgun. Expressing my feelings and opinions is what I do. I’m an imperfectionist, so I know I can’t explain everything sufficiently. I’m not happy with how I wrote all of these thoughts. I’m not happy with the slew of contradictions and hypocrisy I’m guilty of.

“Anything attributed to God as a consequence of intervention must also nod toward the responsibility of failing to correct everything else.” – X

Just as you must place commensurate value on both applause and dislike, so too must you place accountability and responsibility not only for singular acts that are favorable but also for those that bring pain and suffering. Choosing not to act is as culpable as acting negligently. If you create rainbows, you also accept ownership of deadly tornadoes ripping through churches – or of people being tortured, starved, or denied basic human necessities.

‘Unidentifiable’ and ‘unidentified’ are not synonymous. Neither are ‘unexplainable’ and ‘unexplained.’ If we survive the onslaught of existential threats, our ability to understand the universe will evolve. We didn’t develop intelligence (or be granted it) to sit in a dark corner of the universe. Truth always welcomes questioning. It is the essence of our advancement and the scientific method. It accepts being wrong by experimentation and adjustment. It is never a finished product. I look at religion and faith in the same way. Static belief holds no quarter for correction. Generally speaking, I observe people stagnating; they stop learning, listening to new music, or accepting that things they hold as true or high value might be wrong.

Whatever notion I have of a creator omits interventionism. We are participating in an escape room. We might have been given all the tools to get out, but we must use our intelligence and resources wisely and collectively. If I am correct about my personal opinions, we’re squandering the opportunity. In our society, we favor creators motivated by ‘do unto others’ and living lives that improve the situation for all of us. With a particular focus on those who need it. Although it might sting, it’s hard to make the argument that we are successfully following the doctrines we say we believe in. Even our economic system undeniably thrives on the perpetuation of interest and in its strictest sense, exploitation of advantage. Most of our religions disavow interest or the love of money, yet we proudly endorse a system that requires that singular pursuit as if it is the only way. Currently, we’re in another cycle wherein some are subverting both politics and religion to make decisions and interfere with our ability to live cooperatively yet independently. It won’t end well. Neither politics nor religion is the problem; the problem stems from the need to control other people.

People accuse me of being contradictory. They are correct. I see magic in things that a lot of people don’t. Equally true is that I see things we haven’t yet comprehended being attributed to miracles. Does the label for such magic matter? I love that people can see miracles. It’s optimism and whether it is rational or irrational, it’s the reality of all of us filtering the world.

History is filled with us committing atrocities toward one another. War. Slavery. Concentration camps. Were we to do those things as individuals, we would be vilified. Groupthink leads to us experiencing the Abilene Paradox in the worst way possible. We end up with a system in which no one is truly satisfied. Even though it stings to hear the bitter truth, abused religion tends to endorse this kind of craziness, as does perverted nationalism. Pride and love of faith and country do not absolve us of our need to constantly self-examine and adjust.

Since I’m already ruffling feathers, our constitution provided a means to modify our guidelines. While others hold our founders in esteem, mine is tempered drastically by the prevailing norms of their day. Their society was not founded on justice and freedom for all. Even our presidential election is perverted due to the necessity of bending to those shrieking that while a certain segment of our population was both owned and voteless, they should be counted as lesser among us. It is the very nature of recognizing defects and changing that merits praise. Our nation came from sedition and treason. That we prevailed is the reason we can attempt to form a more perfect republic absent corruption, special interests, or the subversion of the political and legal systems we enjoy. We don’t owe the people who wrote the constitution loyalty; they left us the roadmap to change course.

Religious nationalism, regardless of the religion or denomination, is immensely dangerous. It is the imperfect crucible that will only demonstrate its failure after splintering us further. Its rise is at the expense of our freedom to choose. When politics and religion intermingle, it inevitably results in increasing favoritism toward the alleged group consolidating power. And as happens with religions, the conflicting forces will fight for dominance. Those who have no religious beliefs or ones differing from the prevailing norm established by such an outcome will be restricted in their ability to choose. That is the opposite of the ideals of what we consider to be America.

In the same way that I don’t believe in ghosts, there are people who I love and respect who do. The same nod applies to their belief in miracles. It’s personal, based on perception. Who wouldn’t want to experience the joy of faith? I love that I know people whose faith is profound. I’m equally likely to grimace observing people using their religion of peace toward goals that are anything but.

I started this post with the quote because it’s one of my fundamental problems with relying on a creator to step in on our behalf. I’ve avoided using complex terminology or arguments for a reason. You can’t praise if you also don’t question why horrible acts done or allowed to happen don’t result in intervention. Using the ‘mysterious ways’ argument doesn’t address the shortcoming. Because I come from violence, I can only picture children with leukemia, being beaten or worse, often at the hands of people who claim to love them or who are supposed to protect them. Failing to intervene is the opposite of any behavior I want to emulate. I don’t need to understand the motivation to see that the consequences of failing to act result in monstrous behavior and conditions.

And yes, I am holding any potential creator to the standard of behavior I expect of myself and other people. It’s not my fault to be granted intelligence. I can’t imagine having the power and ability to protect children and not using it. If we are expected to use our intelligence and solve our problems, it would be zero effort for our creator to intervene.

I’m not picking on one particular denomination or religion. We are all too familiar with the oldest church not only knowing that children were being abused, but that they decided to use their massive wealth and power to protect the abusers. When I catch myself glossing over their actions, I think of a small powerless child, frightened. It personalizes the problem and reminds me viscerally of the horrific sin of those who participated and also those who acted to protect those who engaged in the behavior. Anyone aware of child predators being protected cannot be on my list of moral authorities. Even though I’m sharing my opinion, I’ll add that I could never embrace a religion or denomination that prohibits half the population from occupying positions of moral authority.

Growing up, God was silent. He didn’t whisper to me when I had a literal gun pointed at me or when fists were hitting me. He didn’t intervene against the people hurting me. And he didn’t motivate to action the heart of his pious believers who witnessed it yet didn’t step in. I listened and watched the people around me closely. Their piety and righteousness allowed them to blithely justify what was going on. I no longer judge my dad harshly. Or my mom. But the family members who valued family honor and preached their version of religion? I consider them to be more monstrous due to their inaction. My parents were possessed by addiction and the echo chamber of inescapable trauma themselves. They did not preach the lessons of universal love. They preached their beliefs and demons through behavior, just as the rest of us do. Unlike most people’s version of our creator, they did not possess unlimited knowledge. They didn’t know better. And if they did? They couldn’t do better. It’s hard to judge them when it’s obvious I’m guilty of the same stupidity.

You can’t convince anyone of a spiritual belief using logic. It can’t be done, although many attempt it. Condemning people who don’t share your beliefs sends the message of arrogance. Whether it’s your intention or not, it sends the wrong message about a religion based on love and lovingkindness. That’s the difficulty of having religious writings that are contradictory and cherry-picked to suit individuals or denominations. Were it the literal word of the creator, there would be no division or disagreement. It’s a clear sign that men have cemented their agendas into what we are left with. I don’t attack anyone’s religious texts, although I do restrain myself when they are misinterpreting theirs, choosing which parts matter, or demanding that others defer to them. All the people I admire who have deep faith share an understanding that they must not yield to the temptation to dictate to others. Morality easily exists outside the boundaries of religion. Beware quoting a religious text that contains rules regarding slavery. And beware of a constitution that once needed laws to protect the same evil.

“Factually speaking, everyone is an atheist. It’s just that they choose one particular god to believe in to exclude all others.” This sort of quote upsets believers. It shouldn’t. It’s a recognition of the fact that humanity believes in several creators. Your religion should be your guidepost and beacon. Anyone observing you should be able to see the teachings you believe in come to life. Even when you fail. Secularism is not a declaration of war against religion; it’s a requirement that we meet in the middle with mutual respect.

Or as Dave Barry commented, “People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.” That lack of reciprocity inadvertently demonstrates intolerance or an inability to endorse the idea that religion is personal and never mandated.

What ties this all together is that the certainty of things unproven often leads people to collectively force what works for them onto other people. Politics and law are designed to bridge the gap toward collective safety and good. There should be no deference toward a particular group, especially if it is in the majority.

Truth does not need a hammer. If you find yourself willing and able to impose on others, you’ve inadvertently admitted that living your truth by example is failing.

A religion of love does not resort to force.

When politics and religion collide, you are fanning the flames of divisiveness and exclusion. Politics exists to efficiently govern all of us while respecting our freedoms. In its purest form, it is devoid of favoritism toward specific groups. In its worst form, it becomes polluted by one group subverting the rule of governance by substituting zealotry. History demonstrates the consequences of doing so. All of us watch as individuals manipulate religion into a tool for personal gain.

Because people bring their own filters and straw men to these sorts of posts, I want to point out that I don’t dislike religion. I despise dogma and contradiction. And more than that? The certainty some people bring to the table allows them to impose their personal beliefs on others who don’t share it. The best among the faithful to me are the ones who walk the tightrope of faith and intelligence. They live their lives full of hope, peace, and optimism. They reflect the religion they espouse.

I don’t need to know what faith they possess. I can see and witness the consequences. The alignment of ideals results in the behavior you would expect from following the tenets of their particular faith.

If our creator is a creator of love, it follows that we can expect the universe and one another to behave per those ideals.

And because I don’t believe in a creator intervening in our affairs, the outcome of our sporting events is in no way affected by requests for intervention. The same is true for elections. The best prayer possible for me is an appeal to allow us to develop our intelligence. To expand our sense of collective empathy outwardly to everybody in the world. To desist from resorting to violence or dominance. We’re all stuck on this rock squabbling over resources and whether our respective ideologies are better than the rest. Anyone paying attention to history can see that this path has yielded unimaginable results. We do well when we cooperate – and poorly when we don’t. Go figure.

Love, X
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Folly

They said the secret part out loud.

Regardless of how we feel about the words, in a way, it’s a good thing.

We don’t have enough authenticity in the world.

I grew up inundated with prejudice, alcoholism, and violence, but also love and respect. The traumatic parts become the focus because they’re our biggest challenges. It’s hard to admire the sunset when your face is bruised by someone who is supposed to protect you. You can’t love reading if you’re hungry or afraid.

It’s the same now. Our society is safer and smarter, and our arc is generally that of betterment.

You wouldn’t think so – and that’s because the outliers draw our attention. Despite statistics that clearly show that we’re safer and smarter, that’s not the consensus you get when you ask a large group of people whether life is better now than it was. The effect of people thinking in large groups is that we increasingly find it easier to lose sight of doing the right thing.

Tribalism and echo chambers dominate us. It isn’t worse now than it once was. It’s just that we have tools to make information instantaneous.

It should be obvious who among us is motivated by the things that represent what our ideals demand of us. It’s not a question of intelligence, no more than your argument about loading the dishwasher is really about something else. Smart people do dumb things so it is no surprise that when we band together, we behave even more stupidly.

To justify, we vilify. We do this even as we recognize that we’re mostly doing and saying the same things. Names and geography changes – but we largely do not.

“Why can’t we all get along?” The answer is simple. Because we are not logical creatures.

We’re supposed to love our neighbor, but easily justify all manner of destruction. We’re supposed to honor and cherish those we’re with, but all of us see friends and family choose infidelity. Humanity is supposed to drive us forward and yet most of us participate in a capitalist system that takes advantage of the disadvantaged and favors the rich. We choose leaders who openly lie, cheat, and work for special interests and themselves. We claim to collectively despise entertainment that denigrates; yet, statistics demonstrate that we are consuming such content behind closed doors and locked phones. We know that our friends, family, and coworkers are drinking excessively, using mind-altering substances, or choosing the wrong things on a large scale.

Regarding politics, people are nuts. Studies show that we draw our conclusions and then find the evidence to support it. It’s what we do in our personal lives, so it’s no shock that it follows us in our ideologies. The religions we choose often propel us into certainty and dogma. The good ones preach universal love and respect, yet too many of their followers splinter the message and focus on controlling others.

If you’re a good person, you live without harming others. You choose what helps others. You’re going to fail often.

Saying the quiet part aloud helps us. For better or worse, at least you’re letting the rest of us know what percolates in your secret heart and life, the one you don’t want to be exposed. I grew up with a couple of people who were, in my opinion, monstrous. Not because they acted, but because they kept their secrets locked inside a box of righteousness and self-certainty.

Words, words, and more words, a flood of them.

Meanwhile, your life is your sermon.

As for alleged leaders, I want people who have mostly lived their lives with efficiency and honor. If they haven’t managed to control their own lives in agreement with the ideals they quote, it is dissonance and folly to expect them to lead us anywhere other than the wrong place.

Whatever your ideology is, if you’re focused on control or the certainty that you’re right, you will be blinded to other options.

I’m old enough to have become fascinated by people and their lack of self-understanding. I see it in myself so I can say it without sounding like a hypocrite.

Love, X
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Privacy?

Anyone following technology news is probably aware that AT&T had a massive security breach, one that exposed millions of people to identity theft and fraud.

The latest admission is that those same millions of people could potentially have their call and text logs leaked online. AT&T, like most companies, uses another company to store all of its customer data.

While AT&T is claiming that the content of call logs and texts was not stolen, the truth is that they might be engaging in trickle-truth.

Because I know how people are, even if it were just call and text logs, this means that millions of people could potentially wake up one morning to see that everyone they’ve been texting or calling is online for anyone to see. That’s bad enough. But imagine if the content of these calls and texts were disclosed as well.

People who know me have heard me remind them to be cautious about what they store, much less send. If it is sent, it is always possible that it will be revealed. It doesn’t matter how much security you or a company uses to prevent data theft. If you have transmitted it, stored it online, or have it contained on your phone, it is, of course, potentially a risk to your privacy.

Digital information of any kind is a risk. People blithely use technology and forget that what’s transmitted might live forever. It’s exactly like DNA, to be exposed years after the fact.

The cleverest hackers obtain data without leaving footprints as they do so. You’d never know that someone has everything you’ve done sitting in a database somewhere.

The AT&T mess is another reminder that privacy and secrecy are an illusion. Locks, passwords, and security measures are important. But they can never guarantee that every bit of your personal information might not be accessed, copied, or published.

X

Madman’s Gyroscopic Kaleidoscope

Things you’re not supposed to acknowledge…

Yesterday, a compliment and acknowledgment echoed back to me from decades ago. One part of the experience resulted from me sharing a piece of myself years ago. It lay dormant until the universe collided after waiting for the right moment to be awakened. One of the outcomes of which is that I experienced what can only be characterized as deep regret. When you are young and naive and trying to flourish in the middle of trauma, everything is a danger signal. Even when you don’t have the knowledge or insight to recognize it. From the contemplation of those almost forgotten memories and regret came a flash of rare insight. Pieces of the me that I am today were obviously right on the surface. My prolific nature. My love of words and converse loathing of their alleged structure and use. Valuing rare moments wherein people take risks and open themselves up to harm through vulnerability. As the universe invariably does, I was dealt another direct hit early this morning. A reminder that treachery can nestle behind both smile or anger. There’s a perverse duality to this set of seemingly disparate and distinct experiences; one of whispered memories and the other a demonstration that everyone has something to learn. The letter part is doubly true when the person does not want to see themselves clearly in their mirror’s reflection. Arcane or factual knowledge has its place but dims and dissipates, contrasted against the type of realization that you feel when it cuts you from the inside. Earlier today, a song came on that overwhelmed me. Instead of shirking away, I gave it my attention. And then the next song blasted me out of the reverie. Life is like that. It demands both kneeling and dancing, often like a madman’s gyroscopic kaleidoscope. Love, X

Surrender

A part of me is still flying in the May afternoon, the sun declining and making me a human prism. No cape required.

What I wanted most from the experience of jumping was to know what it would feel like leaning out knowing I had to surrender and spiral out.

But what it has done over time is paradoxically make things more colorful while simultaneously making other things banal.

I’m trying to decide between bull riding and telling my manager he’s got a bad haircut. Both seem equally dangerous.

Someone quipped to me that once you see the Grand Canyon you can’t look at a simple yet elegant river without comparing it.

Many of our comparisons are subconscious. If you’ve ever experienced acceptance at its most basic level, it’s hard to deal with quibblers. If you’ve experienced unconditional love, anything less than surrendering to it feels like a violation. If you’ve learned something that challenges your core beliefs, it’s hard to believe that you aren’t wrong about a lot of other things, too.

I’m still flying and I’m not certain it’s to my benefit.

It incrementally brought back that feeling of detachment that was such a joy almost 20 years ago. Detachment allows you to have deep singular experiences, but it also paradoxically separates you from the turmoil.

It’s ego that tells me that it’s wrong to say, “People who jump out of airplanes don’t quibble over trivial.” Equally true is that once you lose a piece of your identity because of loss or recognition of how alone you can be when you don’t take care to dive into to mess of life, it’s hard to dial back in.

Someone also told me it’s not wrong to lean in and feel like I did something special, even if thousands do it each year. It’s on people’s bucket lists for a reason. Even if all I did was lean out and let go, allowing gravity to do the rest.

How many of us live life on autopilot anyway? Waiting for whatever happens to happen.

“Not changing is choosing.”

Love, X
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Protect Yourself

PSA

This is especially true for AT&T customers, but it is great advice for everyone.

The AT&T leak was pernicious because all your information, including your social security number, address, phone number, etc might have been exposed.

We often don’t know it happened with other breaches – or we find out much later.

While your password might not have been exposed, the people using this information are doing stacking. They wait and then peek into an account to see if they get access. Usually, it’s long enough after the fact that you will only notice if you have two-factor authentication turned on for everything important. They cross-reference information across multiple accounts, usually because people reuse passwords and don’t update them appropriately. Those engaging in this target the easiest sites and behaviors.

People forget that while using their phones and shopping on sites the risk of someone intercepting their information increases. The risk increases drastically if you’re constantly linked to WiFi instead of your cellphone signal. Advertisers and tracking cookies are a pain in the ass, but most of the issues with information being stolen are more a matter of you giving it to them under the incorrect assumption of safety. Two-factor authentication is a lock to which only you have the key. But locks are only as good as the skill level and persistence of the people trying to break in. Regardless of your phone or account security, anyone sufficiently motivated can gain access.

The other cardinal rule is that if you store anything online or on your phone, you should assume that someone gets it no matter how diligently you protect it. Most of our personal information is already easily obtained.

It’s also a given that you should be checking your credit reports for free at least once a year. Even better if you are using a monitoring service.

As careful as I am, doing so has helped me avoid a few potentially massive headaches.

Don’t answer your phone if it seems to be your bank, credit card company, or retailer. Don’t click on a link in a text or email. Always initiate a reply by calling or emailing the bank directly.

The scams are getting exponentially better.

PS If you have your friends list visible on Facebook, you have the answer as to why your account is being cloned constantly. We are lucky that people with bad intentions pick the easier targets, just as people who steal cars or the contents therein usually walk around pulling door handles. It’s extremely hard to gain access to someone’s Facebook account unless they fail to use two-factor authentication, which is the equivalent of leaving your door unlocked.

X
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Perspective

Unpack all your baggage and throw it in the attic or the basement. It will still be there to greet you later but at least you will stop transporting it around as if it defines you. Take a moment and look out your window. It’s a portal to several billion people and unimaginable fascinations. So why do we choose to spiral into an ever-narrowing cocoon? We complain about traffic and yet we can only visit new places by becoming traffic. As for work, it’s almost universal that we love some aspects of it while simultaneously despising the grind and the dehumanizing part of it. The people around us become familiar and we think we’ve learned what we can from them. Maybe it’s time to put on the clown shoes or the bowtie and risk looking ridiculous. One of the secrets of life is that while people are giving us the sideeye they are also largely ignoring us, consumed by the constant barrage of obligations and appearances that keep them caged.
X
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Fire Or Ice

If you are a nighttide peripheral observer like me, you’re going to see things that make you do a double take. This morning I drove by the infamous Bottoms Up at an hour when even the local vampires are getting droopy-eyed. A woman stood between her open car door and the car and a man leaned against her. His work truck was parked on the other side of her car.  I’m certain he was examining her tonsils. My initial reaction was “geez.” But my ensuing reaction was “good for them.” When we are young, it’s our opportunity to abandon good sense and let our biological fires not only lead us down the path of temptation, but also take a dubious detour. It is a certainty that we should be rational creatures. Careful attention to our behaviors and patterns clearly demonstrates that we are not. Routine grips us and we build layers of distraction on top of our clandestine wish to feel alive. Maybe I’m an outlier. Perhaps the rest of you don’t struggle with the duality of knowing we’re here to experience the world, but also wonder why we choose or are pushed into obligations and routines that quite simply deaden us at times. Whoever those tongue-locked people were will wake up at some point during the day and regret burning the midnight oil. Maybe you will think I’m crazy for saying I had a similar regret when I pulled in to work. I probably should be driving to Central Arkansas this morning. But I’m not. It is all an accumulation of choices. Some serve us, and some do not. It’s only in retrospect after we’ve made the choices that we tell ourselves we understand why we made them.

X

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A Symptom Of Being Human

For all of you out there who sometimes need a song blasting on the way to work… Find “A Symptom Of Being Human” by Shinedown. I’ve listened to this song multiple times with a critical ear, trying to pinpoint what exactly this song embodies that provokes an emotional reaction in me. The closest I can come Is that it invokes a nostalgic feeling without being tied to a specific time period. It’s a song about mental health and having empathy for every human soul who crosses your path. Even toxic bastards, managers, baseball fans, and registered voters.  It’s Thursday which means you’ve made the mistake of delineating your days as if one has more importance than any other. 

X

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Fleeting

“Tomorrow is the bastard child of our imagination. It presumes certainty wherein none can be found, even by the most expert and capable amongst us. This is no exhortation to whisper to yourself, ‘Carpe diem.’ All the things that worry you are illusions. The time you have is not even borrowed. It’s yours. If you cannot find it in yourself to detach from the self-imposed blueprint of identity and ambition long enough to comprehend this, there is no question that you’re probably wasting the only resource that matters: time. In the time it took to read this, 105 souls have moved on to whatever awaits them. That  nebulous visitor in your thoughts? The one that tickles your discomfort. It is a primeval instinct of awareness and reminder. Distractions only dampen it. Don’t seize the day. Seize the moments that are in front of you. Although you probably won’t practice it until you’re older, don’t let the words ‘later’ or ‘tommorow’ pass casually from your lips. These words are vanity in a nutshell.”

X

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