Category Archives: Health

Behavior, Government, Justice, Law, Opinion, Personal, Politics, Psychology, Racism and Prejudice, Religion, Social Media, Social Rules

Folly

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They said the secret part out loud.

Regardless of how we feel about the words, in a way, it’s a good thing.

We don’t have enough authenticity in the world.

I grew up inundated with prejudice, alcoholism, and violence, but also love and respect. The traumatic parts become the focus because they’re our biggest challenges. It’s hard to admire the sunset when your face is bruised by someone who is supposed to protect you. You can’t love reading if you’re hungry or afraid.

It’s the same now. Our society is safer and smarter, and our arc is generally that of betterment.

You wouldn’t think so – and that’s because the outliers draw our attention. Despite statistics that clearly show that we’re safer and smarter, that’s not the consensus you get when you ask a large group of people whether life is better now than it was. The effect of people thinking in large groups is that we increasingly find it easier to lose sight of doing the right thing.

Tribalism and echo chambers dominate us. It isn’t worse now than it once was. It’s just that we have tools to make information instantaneous.

It should be obvious who among us is motivated by the things that represent what our ideals demand of us. It’s not a question of intelligence, no more than your argument about loading the dishwasher is really about something else. Smart people do dumb things so it is no surprise that when we band together, we behave even more stupidly.

To justify, we vilify. We do this even as we recognize that we’re mostly doing and saying the same things. Names and geography changes – but we largely do not.

“Why can’t we all get along?” The answer is simple. Because we are not logical creatures.

We’re supposed to love our neighbor, but easily justify all manner of destruction. We’re supposed to honor and cherish those we’re with, but all of us see friends and family choose infidelity. Humanity is supposed to drive us forward and yet most of us participate in a capitalist system that takes advantage of the disadvantaged and favors the rich. We choose leaders who openly lie, cheat, and work for special interests and themselves. We claim to collectively despise entertainment that denigrates; yet, statistics demonstrate that we are consuming such content behind closed doors and locked phones. We know that our friends, family, and coworkers are drinking excessively, using mind-altering substances, or choosing the wrong things on a large scale.

Regarding politics, people are nuts. Studies show that we draw our conclusions and then find the evidence to support it. It’s what we do in our personal lives, so it’s no shock that it follows us in our ideologies. The religions we choose often propel us into certainty and dogma. The good ones preach universal love and respect, yet too many of their followers splinter the message and focus on controlling others.

If you’re a good person, you live without harming others. You choose what helps others. You’re going to fail often.

Saying the quiet part aloud helps us. For better or worse, at least you’re letting the rest of us know what percolates in your secret heart and life, the one you don’t want to be exposed. I grew up with a couple of people who were, in my opinion, monstrous. Not because they acted, but because they kept their secrets locked inside a box of righteousness and self-certainty.

Words, words, and more words, a flood of them.

Meanwhile, your life is your sermon.

As for alleged leaders, I want people who have mostly lived their lives with efficiency and honor. If they haven’t managed to control their own lives in agreement with the ideals they quote, it is dissonance and folly to expect them to lead us anywhere other than the wrong place.

Whatever your ideology is, if you’re focused on control or the certainty that you’re right, you will be blinded to other options.

I’m old enough to have become fascinated by people and their lack of self-understanding. I see it in myself so I can say it without sounding like a hypocrite.

Love, X
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Behavior, Cellphone, Opinion, Privacy, Safety, Security, Technology

Privacy?

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Anyone following technology news is probably aware that AT&T had a massive security breach, one that exposed millions of people to identity theft and fraud.

The latest admission is that those same millions of people could potentially have their call and text logs leaked online. AT&T, like most companies, uses another company to store all of its customer data.

While AT&T is claiming that the content of call logs and texts was not stolen, the truth is that they might be engaging in trickle-truth.

Because I know how people are, even if it were just call and text logs, this means that millions of people could potentially wake up one morning to see that everyone they’ve been texting or calling is online for anyone to see. That’s bad enough. But imagine if the content of these calls and texts were disclosed as well.

People who know me have heard me remind them to be cautious about what they store, much less send. If it is sent, it is always possible that it will be revealed. It doesn’t matter how much security you or a company uses to prevent data theft. If you have transmitted it, stored it online, or have it contained on your phone, it is, of course, potentially a risk to your privacy.

Digital information of any kind is a risk. People blithely use technology and forget that what’s transmitted might live forever. It’s exactly like DNA, to be exposed years after the fact.

The cleverest hackers obtain data without leaving footprints as they do so. You’d never know that someone has everything you’ve done sitting in a database somewhere.

The AT&T mess is another reminder that privacy and secrecy are an illusion. Locks, passwords, and security measures are important. But they can never guarantee that every bit of your personal information might not be accessed, copied, or published.

X

Behavior, Lemon Moment, Personal, Psychology

Madman’s Gyroscopic Kaleidoscope

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Things you’re not supposed to acknowledge…

Yesterday, a compliment and acknowledgment echoed back to me from decades ago. One part of the experience resulted from me sharing a piece of myself years ago. It lay dormant until the universe collided after waiting for the right moment to be awakened. One of the outcomes of which is that I experienced what can only be characterized as deep regret. When you are young and naive and trying to flourish in the middle of trauma, everything is a danger signal. Even when you don’t have the knowledge or insight to recognize it. From the contemplation of those almost forgotten memories and regret came a flash of rare insight. Pieces of the me that I am today were obviously right on the surface. My prolific nature. My love of words and converse loathing of their alleged structure and use. Valuing rare moments wherein people take risks and open themselves up to harm through vulnerability. As the universe invariably does, I was dealt another direct hit early this morning. A reminder that treachery can nestle behind both smile or anger. There’s a perverse duality to this set of seemingly disparate and distinct experiences; one of whispered memories and the other a demonstration that everyone has something to learn. The letter part is doubly true when the person does not want to see themselves clearly in their mirror’s reflection. Arcane or factual knowledge has its place but dims and dissipates, contrasted against the type of realization that you feel when it cuts you from the inside. Earlier today, a song came on that overwhelmed me. Instead of shirking away, I gave it my attention. And then the next song blasted me out of the reverie. Life is like that. It demands both kneeling and dancing, often like a madman’s gyroscopic kaleidoscope. Love, X

Behavior, Lemon Moment, Opinion, Personal, Psychology, Social Rules

Surrender

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A part of me is still flying in the May afternoon, the sun declining and making me a human prism. No cape required.

What I wanted most from the experience of jumping was to know what it would feel like leaning out knowing I had to surrender and spiral out.

But what it has done over time is paradoxically make things more colorful while simultaneously making other things banal.

I’m trying to decide between bull riding and telling my manager he’s got a bad haircut. Both seem equally dangerous.

Someone quipped to me that once you see the Grand Canyon you can’t look at a simple yet elegant river without comparing it.

Many of our comparisons are subconscious. If you’ve ever experienced acceptance at its most basic level, it’s hard to deal with quibblers. If you’ve experienced unconditional love, anything less than surrendering to it feels like a violation. If you’ve learned something that challenges your core beliefs, it’s hard to believe that you aren’t wrong about a lot of other things, too.

I’m still flying and I’m not certain it’s to my benefit.

It incrementally brought back that feeling of detachment that was such a joy almost 20 years ago. Detachment allows you to have deep singular experiences, but it also paradoxically separates you from the turmoil.

It’s ego that tells me that it’s wrong to say, “People who jump out of airplanes don’t quibble over trivial.” Equally true is that once you lose a piece of your identity because of loss or recognition of how alone you can be when you don’t take care to dive into to mess of life, it’s hard to dial back in.

Someone also told me it’s not wrong to lean in and feel like I did something special, even if thousands do it each year. It’s on people’s bucket lists for a reason. Even if all I did was lean out and let go, allowing gravity to do the rest.

How many of us live life on autopilot anyway? Waiting for whatever happens to happen.

“Not changing is choosing.”

Love, X
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Behavior, Cellphone, Facebook, Facebook, Opinion, Privacy, Safety, Security, Social Rules, Technology

Protect Yourself

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PSA

This is especially true for AT&T customers, but it is great advice for everyone.

The AT&T leak was pernicious because all your information, including your social security number, address, phone number, etc might have been exposed.

We often don’t know it happened with other breaches – or we find out much later.

While your password might not have been exposed, the people using this information are doing stacking. They wait and then peek into an account to see if they get access. Usually, it’s long enough after the fact that you will only notice if you have two-factor authentication turned on for everything important. They cross-reference information across multiple accounts, usually because people reuse passwords and don’t update them appropriately. Those engaging in this target the easiest sites and behaviors.

People forget that while using their phones and shopping on sites the risk of someone intercepting their information increases. The risk increases drastically if you’re constantly linked to WiFi instead of your cellphone signal. Advertisers and tracking cookies are a pain in the ass, but most of the issues with information being stolen are more a matter of you giving it to them under the incorrect assumption of safety. Two-factor authentication is a lock to which only you have the key. But locks are only as good as the skill level and persistence of the people trying to break in. Regardless of your phone or account security, anyone sufficiently motivated can gain access.

The other cardinal rule is that if you store anything online or on your phone, you should assume that someone gets it no matter how diligently you protect it. Most of our personal information is already easily obtained.

It’s also a given that you should be checking your credit reports for free at least once a year. Even better if you are using a monitoring service.

As careful as I am, doing so has helped me avoid a few potentially massive headaches.

Don’t answer your phone if it seems to be your bank, credit card company, or retailer. Don’t click on a link in a text or email. Always initiate a reply by calling or emailing the bank directly.

The scams are getting exponentially better.

PS If you have your friends list visible on Facebook, you have the answer as to why your account is being cloned constantly. We are lucky that people with bad intentions pick the easier targets, just as people who steal cars or the contents therein usually walk around pulling door handles. It’s extremely hard to gain access to someone’s Facebook account unless they fail to use two-factor authentication, which is the equivalent of leaving your door unlocked.

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Behavior, Opinion, Personal, Psychology

Perspective

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Unpack all your baggage and throw it in the attic or the basement. It will still be there to greet you later but at least you will stop transporting it around as if it defines you. Take a moment and look out your window. It’s a portal to several billion people and unimaginable fascinations. So why do we choose to spiral into an ever-narrowing cocoon? We complain about traffic and yet we can only visit new places by becoming traffic. As for work, it’s almost universal that we love some aspects of it while simultaneously despising the grind and the dehumanizing part of it. The people around us become familiar and we think we’ve learned what we can from them. Maybe it’s time to put on the clown shoes or the bowtie and risk looking ridiculous. One of the secrets of life is that while people are giving us the sideeye they are also largely ignoring us, consumed by the constant barrage of obligations and appearances that keep them caged.
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Behavior, Opinion, Personal, Psychology

Fire Or Ice

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If you are a nighttide peripheral observer like me, you’re going to see things that make you do a double take. This morning I drove by the infamous Bottoms Up at an hour when even the local vampires are getting droopy-eyed. A woman stood between her open car door and the car and a man leaned against her. His work truck was parked on the other side of her car.  I’m certain he was examining her tonsils. My initial reaction was “geez.” But my ensuing reaction was “good for them.” When we are young, it’s our opportunity to abandon good sense and let our biological fires not only lead us down the path of temptation, but also take a dubious detour. It is a certainty that we should be rational creatures. Careful attention to our behaviors and patterns clearly demonstrates that we are not. Routine grips us and we build layers of distraction on top of our clandestine wish to feel alive. Maybe I’m an outlier. Perhaps the rest of you don’t struggle with the duality of knowing we’re here to experience the world, but also wonder why we choose or are pushed into obligations and routines that quite simply deaden us at times. Whoever those tongue-locked people were will wake up at some point during the day and regret burning the midnight oil. Maybe you will think I’m crazy for saying I had a similar regret when I pulled in to work. I probably should be driving to Central Arkansas this morning. But I’m not. It is all an accumulation of choices. Some serve us, and some do not. It’s only in retrospect after we’ve made the choices that we tell ourselves we understand why we made them.

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Behavior, Mental Health, Music, Nostalgia, Opinion, Personal

A Symptom Of Being Human

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For all of you out there who sometimes need a song blasting on the way to work… Find “A Symptom Of Being Human” by Shinedown. I’ve listened to this song multiple times with a critical ear, trying to pinpoint what exactly this song embodies that provokes an emotional reaction in me. The closest I can come Is that it invokes a nostalgic feeling without being tied to a specific time period. It’s a song about mental health and having empathy for every human soul who crosses your path. Even toxic bastards, managers, baseball fans, and registered voters.  It’s Thursday which means you’ve made the mistake of delineating your days as if one has more importance than any other. 

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Behavior, Death, Opinion, Personal, Psychology

Fleeting

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“Tomorrow is the bastard child of our imagination. It presumes certainty wherein none can be found, even by the most expert and capable amongst us. This is no exhortation to whisper to yourself, ‘Carpe diem.’ All the things that worry you are illusions. The time you have is not even borrowed. It’s yours. If you cannot find it in yourself to detach from the self-imposed blueprint of identity and ambition long enough to comprehend this, there is no question that you’re probably wasting the only resource that matters: time. In the time it took to read this, 105 souls have moved on to whatever awaits them. That  nebulous visitor in your thoughts? The one that tickles your discomfort. It is a primeval instinct of awareness and reminder. Distractions only dampen it. Don’t seize the day. Seize the moments that are in front of you. Although you probably won’t practice it until you’re older, don’t let the words ‘later’ or ‘tommorow’ pass casually from your lips. These words are vanity in a nutshell.”

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Behavior, Death, Opinion, Personal, Psychology

It Is

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Earlier in the week, someone complained that we don’t actually own anything. Their focus was on taxes. I didn’t say it out loud, but I wanted to point out that ownership is an illusion. I wanted to point out that their frustration couldn’t possibly change how things are. Even the core of identity, our body and brain, is governed by expiration. It’s not the type of comment that most people enjoy during a conversation. Certainly, we hold things for a few decades if we are lucky. There’s no doubt that everything is borrowed while we’re walking around on this planet.

Almost all of us, no matter what we do or strive for, might end up as a footnote on a Wikipedia page. Once the people we affect are gone, all we can hope for is an echo effect; moments, pieces of our love, wit, or presence that infected others for the right reasons. While I am not a religious person, this sort of thinking always makes me think of Ecclesiastes. 

We spend our lives chasing security and possession. Strictly speaking, obtaining either is an illusion. Security is momentary and based on temporary variables that we don’t control. If it can be owned, it can also be taken or lost.

I was told to relearn the lesson of all this. Jumping out of a plane helped. Watching people chase things that give them the feeling of control also reminds me that learned detachment is about the only means to let go of all the musts, shoulds, and nonsense we’ve accumulated. 

I’ve been practicing more to remind myself that worry and anxiety are largely based on the desire for control or certainty. Both steal your allotted energy to take in what happens for what it is. 

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