Category Archives: Psychology

Behavior, Lemon Moment, Personal, Psychology

A Favor

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In the wreck of my day,  the last thing I wanted to do was get out. For a lot of reasons. I tend to carry my emotions on my sleeve. But a mutual friend asked me to notarize something for somebody who really needed it. I met her at Fossil Cove. It’s a stone’s throw away from where I live. When I approached the bar and asked the bartender for the woman by name, I could see that she hesitated, wondering what I could possibly want. But I explained myself, knowing she probably thought I was up to no good. Had she noticed my name on my badge, that probably would have made her even more nervous. And she hollered over at the woman I was going to help. I’ve never charged anyone for notary. And never will. When she told me what she had gone through, a click turned in my head. I sat and looked at this woman, realizing that she had an impossible smile on her face given the information she just shared. I’m not certain I could have a smile on my face in her situation. But she did. That little click I felt in my head was perspective and gratefulness slamming into me. Even in chaos. I could feel that my mind wasn’t right. I’m glad I got out and did that favor for a friend and for the woman. I needed it.

Love, X
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Behavior, Opinion, Psychology, Relationships, Social Rules

The Exclusion Observation

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@xteriq

#disrespect #idealpartner #healthyrelationship #relationships #respect #love #behavior #reciprocity #truth #advice #personal #foryoupage #fyp

♬ Party All the Time – Eddie Murphy

I know this one is obvious.

I can’t tell you how often I hear about other people engaging in it.

I’ve known for most of my adult life how damaging this can be to people. Even if they don’t say so. They are waiting for you to understand. Most people might not until they’ve experienced it themselves. Or until someone they love communicates the hurt it engenders.

Love, X

Behavior, Business, Mental Health, Opinion, Psychology

Communication

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@xteriq

#communication #transparency #honesty #truth #business #opencommunication #behavior #insight #foryoupage #FYP

♬ Talk to Me – Stevie Nicks

It’s true in business, and it’s true in relationships. Fundamentally, it would be better in both realms if people could express themselves without the messenger getting shot. To be able to present information, opinions, or even feelings based on their perspective or expertise. In business, you’re paying people for both output and experience. In relationships, you’re mutually and reciprocally invested in helping one another. We’re not mind readers. I find across the board that our reluctant response to heed this advice is one of our biggest grievances as human beings. As the level of inability to communicate openly decreases, the volatility and dissatisfaction we experience both as employees and people slowly boils us. In any connection in which communication is not welcome, unexpected and undesirable results inevitably follow.

Love, X

Behavior, Opinion, Personal, Psychology, Relationships

Karma

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Karma is not real. Any close observer to the universe and human behavior can see that. It’s probably a good thing for all of us. On the other hand, it would be an ideal world in which we suffered the consequences and paid the price immediately for wrong choices. It would make us be deliberate and probably much more caring about how our words and actions affect other people. Equally true is that it would be a beautiful world if we all communicated honestly, even if such honesty were difficult to get used to. Imagine how much time and energy it would save us. It would push people to learn healthy behaviors instead of learning how to conceal who they really are or what’s going on in their heads. Sunlight never hurt anyone and it’s the basis for all life on Earth. A feeble metaphor on my part, but one I imagine many people will be nodding in agreement with.

Love, X

@xteriq

#karma #behavior #communication #honesty #authenticity #truth #insight #foryoupage #FYP

♬ The Oldies – Michael Watts
Behavior, Dating, New Word, Psychology, Relationships, TikTok

The Ball Rule, 3 Posts

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These are in reverse order, with the most recent first. The Ball Rule is one of those obvious and succinct ways to describe a problem that most couples have.

@xteriq

#communication #defensiveness #ballrule #relationships #behavior #love #goldenrule #reciprocity #truth #insight #foryoupage #FYP

♬ 50’s oldies ballad(1077271) – Canal Records JP

@xteriq

#communication #behavior #idealpartner #foreverperson #honesty #disclosure #authenticity #advice #soulmate #relationships #insight #transparency #intimacy #foryoupage #FYP

♬ The Oldies – Michael Watts

@xteriq

#relationship #love #relationshipgoals #couplegoals #communication

♬ original sound – X Teri
Behavior, Cellphone, Dating, Marriage, Opinion, Personal, Psychology, Relationships, Social Rules, TikTok

An Uneasy Observation

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The TikTok I made about this interested me.

The original post from the wife I mentioned, it garnered the usual amount of teeth-gnashing; mainly from those who got irritated about the therapist’s quote:

“…your phone is YOU… the stuff you interact with…the words you share…your pictures…and most people keep that hidden for a reason…and it usually has nothing to do with privacy…it’s about controlling whether people know the real you.” (“Even your partner,” it should have said.)

Reading that smacks you in the face with the truth. It’s like if your browsing history were published in the newspaper or if a list of all the people you’ve texted, DMed, or interacted with were published for the world to see. Our phones are a great reflection of the totality of us, especially when juxtaposed with our relationships.

As Dave Worthen preaches: “You share your bodies, you brush your teeth together, you have children, you spend most of your lives connected, but lord help you if someone wants to share your phone, even with the best of intentions.”

I’m not saying I have all the answers, but reading and hearing all the commentary about this anecdote really gave me further insight into just how big of a problem this is for most of the modern world. Our ancestors didn’t have to worry about this: most behaviors were direct and observable, and privacy/secrecy were not issues ideal partners had to confront.

Love, X

@xteriq

#partner #soulmates #idealpartner #counseling #relationships #deceit #honesty #truth #love #goldenrule #phone #intimacy #authenticity #transparency #foryoupage #fyp

♬ Motivational – Azwar

Behavior, Mental Health, New Word, Personal, Psychology, TikTok

The Farthing Place

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I wish I had coined this phrase.

It’s a psychology label for our tendency to go to the wildest possible scenario in our minds when we don’t have adequate information.

Some people might refer to it as the grandmother tendency. If we’re traveling and don’t let them know we made it home safe, they might actually convince themselves we’re in a ditch upside down while the car is on fire.

Most of us do it, especially the overthinkers.

I will defend the tendency slightly. As someone who literally had a plane crash on my residence, among other surprises and tragedies, I’m not foolish enough to believe that the worst-case scenario does not, in fact, happen with some frequency.

One reason I like this term and label is that it allows me to tag it mentally when I get a feedback loop in my head and can’t shake it. Identifying that it’ś happening is the first step toward managing it.

Love X

@xteriq

#mentalhealth #overthinking #anxiety #behavior #truth #mind #aware #psychology #mindset #foryoupage #fyp

♬ Sleep Walk – Santo and Johnny
Mental Health, Opinion, Psychology

Punch

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“It ain’t about how hard you can hit, it’s about how hard you can be hit and keep moving.”

I won’t cite the famous mind who said this because it’ll detract from the obvious truth.

I would add, “… to expect a life in which you don’t get punched in the face more than once is among the worst illusions. Don’t expect not to get punched. Expect to be able to shake it off and have the ability to keep a slice of optimism in your heart.”

X
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