Category Archives: Humor

Airbnb Modesty Test

Modesty test. Erika found a mid-century Airbnb house on the fringe of Fayetteville. 12 acres, encompassing an entire deep valley, complete with a meandering stream. It’s an aging, gargantuan beauty, a multi-level labyrinth. Lots of eccentricities. Towering glass, no shades or curtains. The light-flooded interior recedes to the enveloping darkness in the valley at sunset. I’m certain the feeling of being in the middle of nowhere, although just on the fringe of the city, would run some people’s imagination into weird quarters. I climbed onto the apex of the roof, with a long view of the sloping property, stream, and emerald pond on the opposite side. I felt like I was 12. The master bedroom and accompanying bathroom is not for the timid soul.  If you bathe or shower, if any wandering soul were to jaunt down the long serpentine driveway to the house, they could easily see what God gave you. When I showered, it evoked a laugh. I felt like Chris Farley in his infamous Chippendale dancer skit with Patrick Swayze. I’ll leave it to you to capriciously decide which character I felt like.

I used one picture of Erika from a bird’s eye perspective after I descended from the roof. As always, she’s reluctant to let people see her the way I do. Her hair was illuminated like soft fire in several of the pictures I took surreptitiously. She reluctantly stood next to me and let me take a picture of her with a backward view of the valley and pond below.

The sun finally made its way above the towering valley ridge. Everything is backlit with it and amber orange bloom.

I would describe it as beautiful, but it’s a fragile cliché compared to being present and witnessing it.

Love, X

Fun With Appliances

Erika got a new water heater today. I couldn’t help but notice that it would be an ideal place to hide a body. Since I helped the handyman this afternoon move this 400 lb monstrosity outside so it could drain, it seemed appropriate to label the contents as a surprise.
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PS draining it properly what have taken a day, given the amount of sediment and deterioration. I just know that somebody’s going to point that out to me.

3 a.m. Laugh

I woke up this morning and grabbed my phone from the counter at the Airbnb. I was trying to surreptitiously gather my things and not awaken Erika. And then I saw this text. It caught me off guard, like a chinchilla in my underwear in the dark. I started laughing and tried to do it quietly. Which led to a coughing fit. Thanks Zach; no, I didn’t put snow back on your windshield. I wish I had thought of it though. I would have built an igloo on top of your truck.
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Kwanzaa Color Wednesday

Look at this amazing Kwanzaa shirt I bought for $2! Erika laughed immediately when she saw it. Is it too much color for December? Or for me? Is that even possible? It’s not really a Kwanzaa shirt. But I’m not really the person people usually see. These colors, as wild as they are, they telegraph what I wish the world would look like -and doubly so in people’s minds. Not just around Christmas, but each day. Color is a reminder that we are able to see, feel, and experience much more than the black and white filter that masks everyone and everything around us.

Love, X

PS it’s okay if you think I look absurd. Even Danny DeVito still gets irritated at me for impersonating him.
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