Category Archives: Personal

Anew

What is the word for looking at the same thing you’ve looked at for 19 years and seeing it differently? Even at 3:00 a.m. Colors on display, amplified by a cold December morning. The early morning quiet before everything and everyone arrives. Whatever the word is, I’m feeling it in my bones this morning.

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Wakksol

Because I was in bed by 8, wakefulness pounced on me by 1 a.m. I found a cold, still morning waiting when I went outside. Frost-covered surfaces sparkled, and even the furnace’s steam floated sideways instead of drifting upward. While standing out on the landing with a cup of coffee steaming a little later, a young man drove up and came up the steps to let my neighbor’s dog out. (At least I now know who let the dogs out.) As he descended the steps, the unseen ice and frost on the last few steps from the deteriorating and dripping gutters caught him by surprise. He fell, his body accordioning down the last few steps, even as he held onto the dog’s leash. I stepped inside quickly without thinking. I hoped to spare him any potential embarrassment of being seen. Not that either ice or gravity was his fault. And certainly not the lack of accumulated maintenance for my apartment building. I returned outside a few minutes later as he ascended the steps. He quickly confessed that he’d fallen down the stairs, not that his awkward gait or hands clutching at his lower back didn’t signal what might have happened. I quickly learned to respect the invisible ice here the first winter. And if I momentarily forget? My cameras will record me doing impromptu gymnastics as my hands wildly flail ineffectively as gravity drags me to the concrete below.

Later, I watched the small fox that traverses the main parking lot entrance make his way south across the pavement. As it did, a neighborhood cat who prowls our building late at night spotted him and froze in place, its eyes carefully appraising it. There is always an ever-changing litany of visiting cats in our neighborhoods.

At 4:36, I heard a man’s voice screaming as I sat at my computer making Xmas surprises and pictures. The cold, still air outside must have amplified it artificially. I stepped outside and listened as he continued to scream in angry bursts. The words were incomprehensible, as was the man’s motive for such anger on an early Sunday morning. It continued for about two minutes and finally fell silent. No sirens ensued, so I assumed that whoever was on the receiving end of the tirade was safe and that any listening neighbors groggily turned over in their beds and decided it didn’t warrant a call.

Though immersed in a world of creativity, the outburst flared an intense bout of loneliness in me. It triggered memories of so many nights and holidays ruined by the calamitous rise of both ire and shouting.

That kind of anger signals both helplessness and hopelessness. The people engaging in it have lost control or sight of the fact that the very act of being able to shout belies an opportunity to be thankful. True despair elicits silence.

I let AI render a picture I made, hoping it would capture the silence of the morning, pierced by strangers’ lives briefly intersecting with mine.

Last year, I devised a new word, “angstmorgen.”

I’d like to add another, “wakksol.” Both for the root meanings of the anticipation of the sunrise and the fifth note on certain scales.

Let the day bring different music.

Love, X

Accidental

Between errands, I went down in the holler of the creek. Attempting to take a picture of a bird, I instead took one at 3 times magnification without realizing my camera lens were all smudged. Definitely a happy accident. If you are wondering whether the creek water was cold, It shocked my feet and legs. It’s been much too long since I’ve listened to the roar of the creek with my feet in the water. It’s hard to believe it’s 62° in the middle of December. 

X

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Momentary

Someone pulled a me on me today. To say that work has been a feat of athletics in the last few days is an understatement, right up there with mentioning that lightning wakes you up. I was hurrying back into the building and someone stopped me to talk. 

It wasn’t one of those polite conversations or one filled with superficial exchanges. 

To say that it was probably exactly what I needed is another understatement. He offered his personal insight about one aspect of me and my life. Where it told with any more authenticity, the air might have been permeated with static.

Though I was past due back in the mayhem of my job, I stood outside in the chill weather and listened to him. We exchanged more words today than we had in the sum total of our being acquaintances. 

I learned an awful lot about him, both through words spoken, and words not uttered. 

Whatever idea I had of him shifted from a casual one to a complex astonishment that someone with so much story had been right in front of me for a long time. 

Though I was tardy in my return, I would welcome such a conversation each day to remind me that people are much more than they seem and that most of the time we don’t make the effort to get beyond the surface of our interactions. 

That he approached me changed the tenor of the day for me. The hell of work was still upon me. But I got a reminder of what life and conversation can and should be like if someone reaches out and creates the opportunity.

PS I took a picture of my view, using one of my beautiful hanging prisms on the landing. Considerate it a beleaguered metaphorical attempt to reveal the filter that each of us carries inside our head as we walk around the world.

Love , X

Christmas Is Us

I write something like this each year. We all have our own idea of the Christmas season – and some have none. For those with faith, it is the hallmark of charity, love, and kindness, enveloped by the majesty of the celebration of their faith. For others, it is a secular celebration of family, friends, surprises, and time spent together. It is also a time of unreachable loss and loneliness precisely because our memories of love and family can’t help but be tinged by the nostalgia of times no longer within our reach. For others? It is a struggle of choices to afford to surprise their children, family, and friends with gifts worthy of their attention. 

Regardless of its significance, we all own a piece of the Christmas season. Even the Christians wisely appropriated the winter solstice celebration to change the celebration of the birth of their savior. It does not lessen its profound meaning for them. 

“The Gift of the Magi” is my quintessential Xmas story. Both husband and wife sacrificed what was most valuable to them to give the best gift possible. 

We all have within our reach the ability to give everyone the gift of joy and acceptance. No matter how they choose to celebrate. 

Each year, most of us universally agree that the ideal of Christmas lies not in things but in moments and thoughts of others, in profound observation of faith, and in our ability to celebrate collectively.

Regardless of why or how we are here, we are all here with our respective lives, beliefs, and attitudes. 

Let not the harshness of personal conviction blind any of us to the joy of having a season in which we need no further excuse or justification to surprise one another, to be appreciative, and to find a way to look past the differences we each exercise during our celebrations. 

Love, X

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Peace

I don’t wish for peace on earth. That’s unlikely and out of our individual control. But I can wish you peace in your heart. It’s where you live anyway. And its dominion can be your kingdom if you mold your thoughts to reflect the life you crave. – X

Worry

I was challenged to write words that might frame the idea of worry differently: 

Worry is the embodiment of arrogance.

To worry is to borrow time from tomorrow and waste it in the now.

Though I do not believe that God intervenes, instead of worrying, ask yourself if you’ve used your intelligence, time, resources, and money to minimize whatever it is you are stressing about.

If it cannot be changed? Acceptance. It must be acceptance grounded in action and surrender simultaneously.

If it can be changed, do not squander with the universe has given you. If you believe that you were molded in the creator’s image, it is your duty not to waste that which you have been given. Work the problem as best as you can.

Worry is arrogance because it implies that any amount of present preoccupation with stress will yield a different result. 

Even if you do everything right, life will still hand you problems that aren’t your fault. You can consume your energy wanting it to be otherwise or questioning the fairness of it. Yet, the same result awaits you. The same sun that provides illumination also darkens. 

If you use such words, worry is the sin of gluttony. You’ve focused on the idea of you to the point it consumes you.

Do what you can with what you have. 

To worry is to believe that our feeble fingers can overcome obstacles by doing nothing. 

Worry is the roommate who eats all your potato chips and never pays rent. 

If you are lucky enough to be one of the few who can dispel worry, your life will be different than the rest of us. We are human batteries, and most of us are drained by our own thoughts; immobilized and wasteful of the time and energy we’ve been given.

Love, X

The Click

Because brevity is impossible for me, this is in two parts; I can’t tell the “click” story without a long preamble.

This story concerns false memory and my dad’s mercurial sense of humor. Of all the things I loved about my violent Dad, his sense of humor profoundly affected me. So many times, I retell some of my Dad’s exploits, and I can see disbelief on the faces of those listening. He fired a shotgun into the trees while I was climbing them. He helped tie someone to a huge stump at deer camp and set it ablaze with the unfortunate butt of the joke tied to the stump while it burned. He stole a crop duster airplane once; rather, he borrowed it, much to the owner’s horror. When he ran the gas station, he put ignition-fired fireworks under the hood of strangers’ cars. He did it more than once to my Aunt Elsie. He did it to the Sheriff and more than one deputy or police officer. The more they screamed or objected, the funnier it became. He lay underneath unsuspecting friends’ trucks as they started to climb inside, only to fire a shotgun or pistol between their feet, sometimes in total darkness, to hear their high operatic screams of terror. If he were in the swamps and marshes with my Uncle Preacher or Uncle Buck, he’d grab the overhanging tree limbs to knock snakes out into the Jon boat with them. He loved grabbing a snake and walking into Aunt Barbara’s house to make her shriek. I loved hearing someone shout, “Goshdamnit, Bobby Dean!” It was a sign that the happy-go-lucky mayhem version of my Dad was on stage. Luckily for me, I was not afraid of snakes. I hated eating them, though; Dad forced me to attempt eating them a few times. More than once, he tossed an entire box of gun shells into a fireplace. People who could barely walk became Usain Bolt in an attempt to escape. (He loved doing this at deer camp, too.) Because he had access to dynamite to blow rice field dams, he used a stick of it to wake people up more than once. More than once, people not only choked on their cigarettes when they exploded but also had more than a few singed eyebrows. He’d grab someone’s dentures and stick them crazily in his own mouth. He loved putting people’s rear wheels up on blocks, especially at the local taverns, so that when they got in, they’d floor the gas, only to be stupefied that they weren’t moving. If he were feeling really adventurous, he’d let them floor it and rock the truck off the blocks so that the vehicle would suddenly fly into gear at an unknown, uncontrollable speed. I’ve written before that it was impossible to play Chicken with him. His motto was “Never veer.” More than one poor soul discovered the hard way that it didn’t matter if Dad was driving a truck, a tractor, or a motorcycle, you dared not challenge him unless you were prepared to meet Jesus. Dad loved putting spiders, snakes, and frogs in mailboxes. My Uncle Preacher and Uncle Beb also worked for the postal service. More than once, Dad got ahead of them and loaded mailboxes with surprises. He loved having shotgun shells loaded with too many grains of powder or adding colorant to them. Adding black powder to the ashes of a fireplace was another surefire way to elicit a scream from the person attempting to light a fire. Another one of his favorite tricks was to sneak up on someone in a tree stand and fire his gun below them. He once spent hours rebuilding a nice Chevy truck, devising a way to put an incredibly small and low horsepower engine in it. The owner got in and attempted to drive away. It took him about sixty seconds to get to 50 mph. The amount of work Dad devoted to the joke made it that much more delicious to him. I’m certain that the man told that story a thousand times during his lifetime. I have a million such anecdotes.

Over the years, I briefly remembered my dad, Bobby Dean, my brother Mike, and I saying “Click,” followed by a laugh. Most of the time, I couldn’t remember why it was funny. The inside joke became its own reward. Like any kids, my brother and I loved Saturday mornings. No matter how violent our house was the night before, we usually found a way to use the expanse of Saturday morning to glean at least a little freedom. During the fights, it was rare for a TV to get damaged. It wasn’t because TVs were expensive so much as the fact that TV was one saving grace in our lives. My Uncle Buck was an electronics tech at Montgomery Ward. He taught me how to spice into cable wires and experiment. My brother Mike wasn’t interested in any of it. But sometimes, it paid off, as it did when we lived in City View in Springdale.

We cherished the tiny little black and white TV we had in our bedroom; being poor makes such things become gold. Back in the day, when an additional cable line required only splicing ability, a curious kid like me could add channels with nothing except scissors and extra cable. Between you and me, it was also easy to get or give cable service to anyone just by running a cable across the short distance between closely stacked trailers. Though Uncle Buck showed me how to connect RCA cables properly, people usually cut and twisted the two internal wires (one mesh and the other copper). It made mowing problematic without cutting the illegal connections, but the fix was cheap and fast.

When my brother began to decline rapidly, I did my best to get him to share stories and remember things of our past. It was a way to reconnect with him. Mike’s memory once was the stuff of legend. Later, his memory became a false narrative, one tempered with an insistence on concealment. Years later, I understand it much better now. It was the inevitable consequence of alcoholism and secrecy colliding.

During one of our telephone conversations, we rapidly exchanged witty barbs. Mike said, “Click!” and pretended he’d hung up, which made us both howl with laughter. When our laughter subsided, Mike asked me if I remembered the genesis of the joke. I didn’t. Twice during the rest of the conversation, he’d shout “Click” and literally hang up, leaving me to wonder what happened. Which made my brother Mike laugh even harder.

This is paraphrasing what Mike said. Part of it is completely wrong in his retelling:

“We lived in City View, and at the time, we didn’t have that tiny TV in our shared bedroom. The Saturday morning in question, we got up and were scared to death that we’d go out into the trailer’s living room and find someone dead. We quietly turned on the console TV with the sound down. After a few minutes, Dad came out of the bedroom to our left. He smelled like a distillery. We were both scared and knew better than to run for the hills. Last night’s fight was one of the typical ones wherein Mom had provoked Dad relentlessly until they both began to punch and hurl things. Dad laid down on the couch and grunted for us to turn up the volume. Looney Tunes was on. You and I sat on the floor, wanting to enjoy the cartoons but afraid we’d move or say something to set Dad off. After a bit, we both looked at each other in shock. Dad actually laughed at one of the jokes. We were relieved; humorous Dad was somehow active after a night of anger. Bugs Bunny ran downstairs to escape Yosemite Sam, both of whom had baseball bats. Each turned off the lights with a ‘click’ at the top and bottom of the stairs. Yosemite Sam attempted to run downstairs and hit Bugs Bunny with the bat. After a couple of attempts, instead of turning off the lights, Bugs Bunny said, ‘Click,’ sending Yosemite Sam back up the stairs. He turned off his switch in confusion and headed down, at which point Bugs Bunny hit him with the bat in the dark. To our shock, Dad howled with laughter. We had laughed, too, but our laughter was tempered by the urge not to draw attention to our presence or remind Dad that we were in the room. Dad continued to laugh, which prompted us to laugh harder. “Click!” Dad began to say repeatedly. And laughed even harder. We listened in amusement as Dad repeated, “Click!” and laughed for several minutes. It had been a long time since we heard him laugh so hard during a moment of normal living. Over the next few months, Dad would randomly shout “Click!” and pretend to shut a door, close a cabinet, or pop a shotgun closed. Then we’d all laugh. If someone asked him to turn on a light, if he didn’t tell them to get their ass up and do it themselves, he would reach for the switch, say “Click,” and pretend to flip the switch.”

“Click” became an intermittent running joke among the three of us. Even though the joke’s origin faded, there were times when one of us said “Click,” and we could laugh. No matter how crazy the home life around us was. If Mom were hungover, she would bitch and complain if it resulted in us laughing. Laughter in the presence of anger or resentment results in unfortunate backlash. For those of you without such a dynamic to witness, some of the best moments happened when Mom was in a horrendous, scorched-Earth mood and Dad did all manner of things to annoy her further. How he avoided being tied in the sheets and beaten with greater regularity is still a mystery. Almost always, Mom later appreciated the jokes, no matter how angry she was then. An example is when Dad filled her hair spray with sugar water in an attempt to attract wasps and bees. When Dad was in a good mood, nothing stopped his pursuit of humor. Though I might sound crazy to say it, if Dad were drunk but possessed by his dangerous sense of humor, he was a delight. The ongoing problem was the impossibility of knowing which version of Dad might emerge once sufficient alcohol passed his lips. But if he were possessed by the drunken angels of his nature? Mayhem could ensue – the kind of mayhem and humor that perhaps only half-feral young boys could relish.

After Mike told me the story, I searched for it online. I kept Googling “Bugs Bunny + Yosemite Sam + Stairs + Click.” No results. After Mike retold the anecdote, I remembered the cartoon clearly, just as he had recounted it. One day at work, I did the “Click” joke on a co-worker and howled with laughter. Though my brother Mike had died, finding the original cartoon consumed me.

Searching diligently, I found the video “The Windblown Hare,” featuring Bugs Bunny and a wolf. Yosemite Sam was nowhere to be found in the cartoon. I watched the video repeatedly and laughed as Bugs Bunny cleverly said, “Click,” leading to the wolf getting bashed with the bat.

Mike’s version of the memory had become mine, too. The important element was a shared lifelong joke among the three of us. Though it wasn’t “Ah’m the rootin’ tootinest gunslinger this side of the Pecos!” Yosemite Sam in the cartoon we watched decades ago in our ugly living room, it certainly was a sublime moment of unforgettable humor.

To my Dad: “Click.”

My lights are still on, though both you and Mike have departed. Writing this brought a bouquet of emotions, a few of which were the equivalent of snakes falling from the trees and waking up when you flipped the entire bed over on top of us for failing to get up like newly enlisted Army recruits.

PS I remastered the picture. Working on photos and realizing I’m the only participant still alive is still sobering. To have a picture of everyone smiling is a testament to impossibility.

Love, X
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The video in question begins around the one-minute mark…

A Small Adventure

About 1:45 this afternoon, an adventure fell into my lap. As I drove, I watched a heavily loaded flatbed semi hit the huge railroad arm and lights on the north side of the intersection of Gregg and Township. He stopped and then accelerated, tearing the entire steel assembly loose and onto the tracks. All the lights started flashing emergency. I pulled in on the opposite side of Gregg. For some reason, I had the feeling the semi was not going to stop. He turned right, heading away from Meeks and down the side road with no exit. I’m certain he did not realize there was no exit when he turned to direction. By then I was running across traffic. He turned around due to no exit and headed back toward me. Due to the weight of the semi, he couldn’t accelerate quickly. I stopped to tell the people in the Meeks parking lot what happened and that the railroad signage weighed at least a ton and would require heavy machinery to get it off the tracks. Hoping that no trains were headed from either direction, I chased the semi until he came to a stop. Whether his version is the same or not, he would not have stopped had I not offered to jump up on the step rail at the side of the cab and accompany him to wherever he was trying to go. I did not have my cape on but I was ready for more adventure if it became necessary. Paraphrasing politely, he initially claimed he did not know he had taken down the huge steel railroad sign and arm. My eyes told me a different story. Again paraphrasing the heat of the moment, I told him to wait until the police arrived. 

X