It is dangerous to assume people will recognize humor, that is for certain.

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“Some detractors are telling Bruce Springsteen he should take his music off the radio, as he’s letting bigots hear it there. His reply: “What are you talking about? They never listen to anyone.” – X

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“If you operate a store, unless you can see the person’s genitals, you should never comment or change how you do business based on what they might or might not do with them. Unless you live in Alabama or Mississippi, this should address the problem.” – X

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I was walking near St. Bernard in New Orleans. My friends warned me to be careful before I went out. It was about 9 p.m. on a late August day. A sketchy-looking guy wearing dirty and ripped clothing leaned away from a dark building and asked me how I felt about dog fighting. I looked at him quietly for a moment and then replied, “I’ll do it so long as I don’t have to stay on all fours again.” That guy ran from ME.

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Sheriff Chuck Wright does have a point – the one on top of his pinhead. But it sells well to that certain crowd – you know which one – those who seem like they’ve just experienced a surprise lobotomy.

( “No one mentioned in that article is racist, but they are waiting for a sale on pillowcases and scissors.” – X)

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If I were granted the ability to create a machine (fantastical or confined to real possibility) capable of defying physics, I wouldn’t opt for a car which runs on water or a teleportation device, excellent choices that they may be.

My device would be a telephone, one that would allow anyone, once a year, to call their most beloved person in the world, dead or alive, and talk to them.

While we love our accomplishments, exotic trips to Mexico or Disneyland, or even our Lexus in the cold concrete driveway, when we lie down at night, tired and contemplative, we hearken to those we knew and loved. The past is not behind as so much as it is embedded into the grooves our hearts and minds, sometimes for us to replay lovingly. Many times, we would humbly and gladly offer up all our luxuries and bells and whistles, if we could just hear someone’s voice one more time.

Time tends to quietly rob of us of our deepest connections, the trivial memories which, when combined, create a longing greater than the sum of their parts. This desire to recall vividly our shared moments is as much of our humanity as any other need or desire. While we love our adventurous lives, none of the distractions compare to being loved and listening to the voices ingrained in our memories.

As you finish your day today and pull down the covers of your intimate bed, stop and ponder the idea of picking up the phone and calling your mom, your sister, the friend from high school who didn’t come home one night, or even the childhood friend who populated your imagination and time so many summer nights of your youth.

The still, surprised voices on the other end, waiting to share memories with you once more. Imagine that voice now, as he or she whispers, “Hello, is that you?” Your heart both soars and drops simultaneously.

“If you attempt to sell products on Facebook by not telling us what you are selling, it’s tantamount to ringing our doorbell wearing black pants and a white shirt, attempting to hand us pamphlets. Don’t be alarmed if you see the curtains move and hear the TV blaring but no one answers the door.” – x

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Corollary to the above: “And if you do tell us, don’t be alarmed if you see us turn off the lights, hit ‘mute’ on the TV, and no one answers the door.” -x

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“If you want to understand the concept of forever, go through the Drive-Through at the Springdale Whataburger location.” – x

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The common greeting or goodbye isn’t something I’m fond on. In a pinch, I will resign myself to a perfunctory “Happy Birthday” or signature on a card. For me, this sometimes serves as a surprise, as many of my friends and family are so accustomed to my unconventional ways. Being normal sometimes can surprise people, too.

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(Eye-roll alert) I’m not clear on who exactly is going to eat wolf chili…  Imagine how loud it is going to be when we get the new “Wolf Chili” canning plant here. I wonder if PETA is going to protest – and if so, will there be ‘howls’ of protest?

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If I owned a convertible dealership in Springdale, I would locate it directly across from the weight scales of the nearest poultry company. You can enjoy owning a convertible – just be sure that you know what you’re getting into.

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As I sit here pitying those with jobs best described as “needing Charmin,” I casually glance to my right and see a fellow human looking at ME with the same look of pity. The “Circle of Strife” continues unabated.

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“It’s easy to be too helpful – as when you are about to drown & someone throws you BOTH ends of the rope.” At least, that’s how the cliché goes. But sometimes, once you’ve seen who is already in the boat, drowning might seem more reasonable.