A Post With Something For All TastesWhen I had my staples removed last Thursday, the surgeon unexpectedly put a liter of glue on my long wound and covered it with twenty pieces of tape. It felt like I had a toaster glued on me. “It will fall off naturally in a week or two.” Yes, and it will also “fall off naturally” when I get one weirdly caught on the towel and rip it off. I don’t know why, but I am suddenly wide awake. With that in my mind, read the captions of all these pictures (and one very short video joke…)

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Someone wrote me and said, “I can’t believe you don’t have pithy sayings written on any of your painted tiles on the landing outside the apartment.”

Well, problem solved. I don’t think Larkma, the sprite, will mind.

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Even though I live in an apartment, I use my pest control habits to spray the dumpsters, walkways, and anything else with a great environmentally safe insecticide. It’s safe for pets and humans, too. It’s not good in lemonade, but it’s the best. I got tickled when one of the neighbors asked me to come inside and spray their kitchen. It’s been a blue moon since I posted about it, but most people can save a lot of money by doing this sort of thing for themselves instead of paying an exterminator. Especially if they pay for a once-a-year treatment and then do the quarterly sprays themselves. I’m sure I looked a little out of my element this morning, wearing a vest and looking like I was about to go to church. (If I owned an extermination company, I’d definitely have the employees dress in costume, doubly so around Halloween. I don’t think it would ‘bug’ them.)

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I made an audio joke about a pirate and his parrot problem. Wee baba!

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The word ‘ b e d ‘ looks like a bed. I think someone should make the box spring or platform section out of those three letters, both because it is creative and it would also label that piece of furniture.

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My nutritionist warned me to be careful what I eat for breakfast. She was right! I accidentally bought a box of ReinCarnation Breakfast Drink. My lives flashed before my eyes.

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Thanks to the stupidity of the English language, we have no way of knowing whether the “s” or “c” is silent in “scent.”
*Now if we can get Bob to be silent, I’ll be happy.

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Understandtable: the one extra letter conveys another meaning. This type of table should be one always holding a book that enlightens you. (Even if it is the Face”book.”) Enlightenment is everywhere if you’re interested. Zen masters told us that chopping wood and carrying water is the only path. Where you learn isn’t the issue. IF you do is. You can learn a lot by just watching people – and more so if you have a good set of binoculars and/or telephoto lens.

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Don’t get mad at me when I sing “Happy Birthday!” at a séance. Dim lighting, candles, several people around a table. It’s basically the SAME thing.
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Though it seems obvious, in most cases, you can quickly determine whether someone is LIKELY left-handed or right-handed by which way they do their belt.
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It doesn’t happen as often as it used to, but many people assume I’m black when they realize that my name really is X. I love that. Now that I have new people around me, I get to experiment with my list of crazy answers about my name. If I died suddenly, everyone would argue about which answer is true. It’s a shame I want to be cremated (after I die, thank you very much!) because I picture people looking for the headstone: “Duh. X marks the spot.”
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I keep threatening to sneak a set of cymbals into church. People will shout “Jesus!” like they never have before when I use them.
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I know where the cliché “open a can of worms” originated. I think we should change it to “open a can of spiders,” and flying ones at that. The entertainment value of such a change could be spectacular.