Category Archives: Gift

Two Stories

As I walked down the hill to the bottom lot to leave, I watched a woman fill the little pantry by the bus stop and parking lot. I spoke to her in English. She smiled and said I don’t speak much English. Because of her accent, I switched to Spanish and she lit up. It turns out she is Dominican and her name is Ilca. I made her laugh at least fifteen times as we talked about prejudice and language. What tickled her most was that I introduced her to the American Salute, one I made up extemporaneously. She howled when I demonstrated it to her and explained that it’s the best way to get to know people who are aloof or non-responsive to salutations. The American Salute is comprised of the conflicting body language of a wild wide smile in conjunction with the extension of either middle finger. I explained to her that it separates the people with the good sense of humor and curiosity from people you wouldn’t want to know in the first place. She told me her name was unusual. When I told her mine she was skeptical that I was being honest due to my sense of humor. For whatever reason, when I’m speaking Spanish, my sense of humor escalates while my sense of propriety goes out the proverbial window. I showed her my work badge and it still took her a few seconds to discern that the singular X on the badge was indeed a real name. Times like these make me proud and glad that I speak Spanish; moreover, that I love talking to people. She said she loves the area that she got to know because of her son but that she struggles with the friendliness of people she meets. I recommended that she pretend to be more outgoing and as if everybody might have something interesting to say, ignoring those who brush her off. And that the law of averages would reward her. She still seemed a little hesitant, so I pointed out that since I was the only X she had ever met, it was likely that I might know what I’m talking about.

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Earlier in the morning, I went to my car to retrieve an umbrella in case a pop up shower happened by my break. The sky was apocalyptic and dark. It was beautiful. When I opened the trunk of my car to get the umbrella that I had placed there after the trip, I heard a roar behind me. I turned and got to see something I don’t witness very often: the roar emanated from a visible literal wall of rain moving incredibly fast toward me. It hit me like a liquid brick. The wind was probably at least 40 mph and blew me sideways. The rain rendered the umbrella as useless as an open mind in Kentucky. Given that I was already soaked, I walked slowly back up the hill toward work as the wind and rain beat me. I could see the trees bending across the street. As odd as it sounds, it was beautiful and felt amazing. Earlier this morning I wrote about witnessing the smaller rain and lightning be born. The later episode allowed me to see the storm’s genesis. I put on a paper scrub top upon my return to work, even though my shoes were filled with water. I left work for a few minutes, not to change my clothes, but rather to pick up some of the plants at home that had been rendered airborne.

X

It Comes

I’m standing on the landing, listening to the distant thunder, with the occasional flash of dim lightning. I left Erika’s apartment early so as not to disturb her. My cat Güino was inside, faintly meowing for a serving of cat juice. After going in and giving him what he craved, I made a cup of coffee and returned to the landing. In the short interim, the lightning had increased in intensity and I could hear soft drops of rain start to fall. My trip to Pennsylvania now seems like a month ago. For a moment, I badly wanted to be back on the quiet nocturnal streets, walking mile after mile. During the trip, I took advantage of both time and energy to do so. I’ll finish my cup of coffee in a moment. I try not to begrudge the necessity of work. Some mornings the streets call my name and doubly so after I wander in a new place, one I’ll likely not see again. I don’t know the word for nascent nostalgia. Love, X
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Sunlight & Shadows

I left the apartment an hour early on the way to play taxi, my to-do list incomplete. The cold water of the creek was calling my name: “Jackass,” it whispered.  The water was lower than I expected, but still cool enough and reaching my knees at one point. I walked down the middle of the creek to get a better view of the rock wall about 50 yards from the water bridge. As I traversed, the sun played hide and seek and changed the colors wildly. I found the water snake in its usual spot on the left side of the bank, coiled in a significantly deeper pool of water near a log. When I snapped the picture of my shadow in a shallow point in the water, I noted the prismatic effect the sun had on the water. The picture doesn’t do it justice. It looked like the sun and the shadows made a tacit agreement to render what I was experiencing in my head. I watched the dancing green and blue until it faded. I finished by giving the tiny minnows the opportunity to nip at my feet on the other side of the water bridge. My to-do list will still be in the apartment upon my return. The snake will remain coiled until the shadows grow longer. And the birds will chirp and sing as countless passersby pass on the trail above.  X
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Random Human

She was standing behind the bushes near the bus stop, her heavy bags piled around her. I startled her because I was using talk to text. I thought she was standing in the shade, waiting on the bus. She thought I was talking to her.

She was probably in her early 30s. She had brilliant white teeth that reminded me of Kip Winger. She had very muscular arms. Not just for a woman.

I apologized for startling her and she laughed. Continuing a little further down the trail, I sat on the transformer next to the trail to watch the birds and squirrels. It’s the time of year when the Russian crow makes his appearance. Though I did not think so the first year, by the second year I knew that he recognized me. He’s not made his appearance yet. When he does, I’ll know. His caw is spectacular and evokes the voice of an old Russian man.

After a minute of sitting there, I watched the bus stop woman laboriously walk past with her heavy bags precariously arranged around her torso. I don’t know where she was going or anything about her. Seeing people like that inevitably provokes curiosity. Though I did not mean to startle her again, I asked her if she needed anything. She laughed and said no, unless I had a wheelbarrow tucked into my back pocket.

I don’t know why I said it, but as she moved past, I told her, “One day you’ll find a place you call home to be happy.” She stopped and looked at me and replied, “Thank you. I’m weary to the bone. And I look forward to that.” And she smiled again, showing her brilliant white teeth.

She kept walking. I realized that the multiple bags she carried probably contained the remnants of her life.

Love, X
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Faded

In my apartment above the hallway junction, I have a metal piece of artwork spelling out the word onism. I had it made a few years ago. The word definitely came to me, walking the beautiful streets of houses in Willow Grove, Pennsylvania. I walked mile after mile of the surrounding area, seeing the neighborhoods in a way that even the inhabitants have forgotten to experience. It bemuses me that we visit other places to find newness and beauty and others come to our little corners to do the same. The word onism is supposed to describe the unknowable about the world and our own internal realization that we can’t really know the world. I’ll put a link in the comments to demonstrate the mood the word is supposed to evoke. Most people who watch the video find themselves a little untethered by the realization that there are 197 million square miles to explore and almost 8 billion people living around them.

Because I can’t evoke a word like ‘onism’ without mentioning another, I’ll also put in a link for ‘avenoir.’ It’s impossible to absorb the words without understanding that we seem to live with so many of our priorities backward.

I went to Valley Green (Wissahickon Park) during my trip to Pennsylvania, a nature-filled historical spot. It’s one of Ruth’s favorite spots, anchored by both beautiful and bittersweet memory. Another place I’ve never been to and one I’ll likely not see again. A pop-up thunderstorm cut the visit short. But even the rain brought its own message. We were supposed to go with one purpose in mind, but the mercurial way people are morphed the visit into something else. You have to be okay with that. Because so many things in life are exactly like that. You can plan and set out a blueprint only to find that the happy accidents; hell, even the unhappy ones, sometimes filter glimpses into surprising slices of both people and the world. Though we went with a pre-planned objective, it was one which went unrealized. Admiring history, I found introspection.

I have a couple of pictures of us at the beautiful spot in the valley, canopied by immense trees. The sunlight quickly yielded to darkness and impending rain. We walked along the creek, bemused by the ducks and careful of the cyclists enjoying the incredible nature-wrapped trails cutting through the park. I could spend days there, lost in the old trees and history. Within fifteen minutes of taking the picture of the sky, the storm had rolled in, darkening the valley and rendering the canopy of trees as a noir version of a different place. As we drove away, the storm swayed the trees and dropped little limbs onto us.

I didn’t see the Liberty Bell, the Rocky Statue, or Independence Hall. But I did stand in a history-filled valley, looking up at the trees and the sun which overlook it. Though the person whose life was cut short by squandering his last chances wasn’t there, I was. His absence was supposed to be the catalyst for our visit. He lost track of the essential beauty of being alive and instead focused on the tragedy of life and let it swallow him. Anyone who can’t relish the smallest of moments and appreciate being alive is missing the treasure of present-moment life.

Later in the trip, I had the pleasure of having Rita’s water ice for the first time, thanks to my de facto mother-in-law Ruth. Though the name derives from the creator’s wife and is a nickname for Italian ice, it’s something that we don’t have anywhere. That’s a loss for everyone because it both soothes and stimulates the taste buds. Also, if you’re in Philly, you have to pronounce the word ‘water’ like you’ve bit your tongue: w-u-d-d-e-r. I devoured my allegedly large serving like a zoological gorilla. Yes, I literally drooled at one point, much to the delight of both Ruth and Erika.

It was odd to see that the sun rises earlier on the east coast. I was awake for each sunrise, having already wandered the quiet, dark streets. Twice I was in the heated pool as the sun found its way out, even through the wildfire-fueled haze. Though I’m back to normal life again, I feel a slight sense of irreality, an unused synonym for dreaminess or untethered awareness. I’ve tucked the moments away already, hoping they’ll fail to dissipate as life intrudes further.

Love, X

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The Unplanned

Last morning in Pennsylvania. I left a solar bottle on the pool deck for future visitors. Yesterday evening, it dawned on me that I hadn’t given Erika’s mom Ruth her blue solar bottle made especially for her. She will leave with the bottle and a healthy supply of hugs. Though I don’t relish the 1300 miles between here and home, I will remember meeting her for the first time and use that to temper my fatigue. This trip already feels akin to a moment frozen in amber. We came here for one main objective; while Erika and I didn’t participate due to caprice beyond our control, the truth is that I found moments exceeding the planned commemoration. As I’m fond of saying, about all you can do is make a plan and then reluctantly or enthusiastically accept the new adjustments as they arise. If people are involved, you can be certain they’ll come. People are both our salvation and our consternation. Love, X

In Time

I got up around 3:00 a.m. EST. I crept as quietly downstairs as I could, despite the creaking floorboards. Sound is relative and most of us know how cacophonous any quiet attempt to exit can be, especially in a dark house. I made a bitter cup of coffee and drank it standing out in the red moonlight in the backyard, the pool shimmering and casting shadows. Planning ahead last night, I left everything I needed to get dressed easily. I headed out to the beautiful suburban streets filled with interesting houses and countless lives.  The mostly quiet streets fascinated me with the asymmetrical and beautifully maintained older houses.  Invariably, I think of sonder and the millions of homes, each of them filled with an encapsulated universe of family. This neighborhood is quietly captivating. A small terrier ran to me in the dark. No bark, just a wagging tail asking for a little bit of affection. I kneeled and provided it and he went back to whichever house he calls home. The walk was gorgeous and the fifty-five degree breeze was just enough to be chilly. Though it is very early, the streets echoed with unseen birds chirping and singing for an audience of one. When I reached the main road, I watched the bakery trucks at the Italian market and the people manning them as they scurried to complete their early morning business. It was impossible to avoid looking at the beautiful strawberry moon and think imtrospective thoughts. The evening before was filled with laughs and conversation with Erika’s mom. At eighty-one, she’s had a long interesting life; love, family, and experiences that could fill a book. Like all fascinating accounts, her life has been interspersed with drama and turmoil as well. But you wouldn’t necessarily know it by looking at her beautiful eyes or hearing her laugh. I knew I would have to stop walking the dark streets at some point. But it’s one of the things I love. Leaving a house with people still enjoying the deep sleep that escapes me most nights. Ever since my transformation, I’ve learned that there must be a reason that I’ve been gifted with this extra time, moments tucked away and stolen for a different life. If we’re lucky, we search for meaning. When I’m out walking in a foreign place, time slips away. My thoughts diminish and I just experience the things and pavement around me. It’s as close to Zen as I can probably ask for. My feet won’t return to this place. My mind, however, will always recall this quiet morning and the night before when I met a new person who feels like I’ve known her forever. I chose a picture at random from the ones I snapped on the walk. Pictures don’t contain memories; they merely anchor them to a moment in time. Love, X

Ohio Morning

Standing in the wet grass, not too far from a foreign interstate. Looking at the low red moon. Feeling the unobstructed breeze hit me. Behind me, a hotel full of nomads on their way to somewhere else. I’m a temporary nomad myself. It’s strange how I find something wonderful in each new acre. Going back to the parking lot, I helped an older couple load their bags into their mammoth truck. People I will never see again. And a place that will soon be a memory, and on my way to hopefully make new ones. Love, X

Something Old, Something Renewed

Erika gave me the old tea lamp. I revived it, putting a glass column inside it and wrapping multicolored fairy lights around the core. I went to bed before the sunset last night and was unable to witness its premiere. Not to mention that I forgot to turn it on so that the photosensitive light would trigger automatically so that I might see it when I woke up ridiculously early. Color, color, and more color. X

A Moment

There’s something to be said about walking a canopied path, one with an unknown terminus. I hear the dutiful mower off in the unmeasured distance and the inescapable traffic humming from another planet. Birds without cipher, and the gentle waterfall of the creek. I walk barefoot on the path. I am more than willing to accept the bite of an unexpected pebble. Descending into the creek, I let the energetic minnows nibble and dart at my feet. My feet toughen perennially with the inevitable warmth. As I stood in the creek today, I watched a snake rhythmically approach me. I stood motionless to avoid disturbing it or drawing its attention. In a moment of mindless forgetfulness, I reached into the creek to pick up a beautiful flat stone, forgetting my Fitbit watch on my wrist. Luckily, nature and technology called a truce. A woman and her blue-silver eyed German Shepherd came down to the creek bottom so that the dog could drink and frolic. He nuzzled my hand as I stood in water that was only a foot deep. He thanked me by splashing and shaking the water from his coat as he moved away. The solitude was refreshing, but I wish I could have had a hand near me, attached to someone listening to me pointing excitedly at what probably seems like mundane nature. For a while out there, there were moments I didn’t even have my own voice in my head.
Love, X
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