Category Archives: Health

Social Media Isn’t The Problem

On a recent friend’s post, people seemed to agree with “Social media destroys friendships.”

Do you mean to say, much like telephones did when they were introduced? Or computers?

Blaming technology is a vacuous accusation.

Social media is problematic because people do not use it in the same way that they hold conversations in their living rooms.

Much for the same reason, when people enter vehicles, it adds a layer of impersonal anonymity. That’s why people do and say things that they most likely wouldn’t do in person. It leads to road rage. Cursing. Aggressive behavior.

Social media gives people the power to reveal themselves. It does not create problems out of thin air. It strips back the ignorance we have about the things the people we know believe. It reveals resentment and anger hidden below the surface. It gives access to rudeness and poorly planned responses. That behavior is the responsibility of each person who engages in it. It does not fall on the outlet of expression we use as social media.

Social media is a virtual living room and the modern town square. Personally, I treat mine like my living room. If you go to my pages, you don’t see hostility. That’s because I don’t typically engage in it, and it’s not welcome in my virtual space.

If, however, I visit a page or website that’s not mine, I expect it to look and sound exactly like our society. If you are expecting kumbaya in content outside of your control, you should probably take a dosage of reality pills. People in groups are crass and argumentative. Logic is not the presiding factor. But people are also creative, compassionate, and informative. If you judge one portion of social media without consideration for the other, you’re missing the point.

If you gather a group of people, you’re going to hear a huge variety of opinions, interests, and hobbies. You’ll see people whispering to each other if they’re having conversations about other people. Uncle Larry is going to say something racist. Someone will likely show up drinking – and you know darn well they aren’t going to behave. Others will attempt to hog the conversation or say outrageous things for the reasons that people say and do those things. Social media works the same way.

Social media did not become massively popular by accident. It is the result of our individual choice and vote to use our precious time and energy engaging with it.

Social media does not destroy friendships. People do. One crass comment at a time.

People who focus exclusively on the negative aspects of social media ignore the power and beauty of collective expression. It’s easy to dial in to cynicism and hate. These aspects of social media are exactly what people exploit when they have agendas.

Each of us has tools to limit our exposure to things we don’t want to see. It works exactly like a TV guide. We can ignore platforms, programs, and the stations we choose. I don’t get angry because MTV has cooking shows. I scroll past it. I roll my eyes at what some people say, just as I expect them to roll their eyes or get pissy when they see mine.

If you’re looking at content from your friends, family, and acquaintances that makes you angry, it might be better to take a second look at who they are, how they behave, and what they believe. Act accordingly. They are revealing themselves. And while it might frustrate you, you at least have a means to see what occupies their thoughts and time.

Social media is what you make it. You can’t control collective communication. But you can control your exposure and how you choose to use it.

Social media per se is not the problem. It is us. All the defects and things about it that you do not enjoy are a reflection of our society.

Social media is exactly like alcoholism. Alcoholics falsely like to claim that their behavior is the result of drinking. It’s not. Alcohol removes their inhibitions and their control regarding what’s already in their heads. It is not a creator. It is a revelator.

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Tell Me More

It’s not that most people truly believe that news is fake or not.

It’s identity.

You can’t put all your eggs into a basket and have contradictory information presented to you. 

It’s an assult on your sense of identity. That’s uncomfortable for people. 

If you are demonstrably wrong, you have only two real options: acknowledge the information, accept it, and incorporate it into changes of belief and opinion. The other option, one we see all the time, is to become defensive and reject both the information and the need to adapt to it.

Information isn’t dangerous. Rejecting anyting that doesn’t conform to objective reality, however, creates a majojr problem for rationality and reason, both of which allegedly drive most of ur lives. This tendency to reject information has significantly warped our ability to live in society. Appeals to reason aren’t revered as they once were. 

It can be religion, politics, science, or behavior.

Even though I’m not explaing myself thoroughly, something simliar came up earlier in the week. Someone was incredulous about weather prediction, doubting the way it is done, etc. They lacked a significant grasp of basic science. Among those things were not understanding the proximity of Doppler radar or how the curvature of the earth affects rapid detection of dangerous storms. While I didn’t have to spell it out, I watched in real-time as the person struggled to find a way to admit they didn’t understand what they were complaining about. From that inablity came further assertions that aren’t sustainable.  There is no harm in admitting we don’t know. All of us are ignorant about different things. But all too often people double down. I respect people more if they say, “I don’t know” or “I don’t understand.” 

Science is the best example to use that creates the least anger. Its very nature is to suggest an explanation and then test it. Conclusions must change with new evidence. It’s how we have medicine, technology, and industry. All progress depends on it. 

If you ask science, “Is there a god?” it can say, “I don’t know.” The ability to say “I don’t know” is a hallmark of genius. It doesn’t say, “There is no god,” because negatives can’t be proven. It says, “Tell me more,” because information doesn’t threaten the scientific process. Uncertainty brings investigation and thought. Certainty brings rejection and stagnation. 

Any system of thought or ideology that precludes questioning is, by its nature, close-minded. Any answer that is supposedly obvious would mean that most people would agree. Observation proves that to be false. 

If you’re not a “tell me more” person, you’ve cut yourself off from knowledge and growth. Saying “tell me more” doesn’t weaken your theology or faith. It doesn’t have to dilute your politics. As I like to say, when we look at our past, we shake her head at some of the things we believed. It’s easy to admit you’re wrong with enough time. But somehow we all too often like to think we’re not wrong, even though our own lives prove we have been multiple times.

I think most of us prefer “tell me more” people. 

I know that the bean soup people might read this and completely miss my point. Or focus on one small aspect of what I’ve written. If you don’t know what bean soup people are, that’s a discussion for another day. 

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Wisdom

If you’re interested in the wisdom of experience, I’ve got some words for you. I did the peculiar thing that I sometimes do and asked an older man to hit me with some important things he had learned.

“Who we are is who we are going to be,” the older man said, his face rigid with the wrinkles of certainty and experience.

“These lips are mine and are the same lips I used to excuse how I wasted my youth. Putting off things I should have done. Listening to what people say instead of watching what they do. ‘I’m gonna’ is for sure one of the dumbest things we say to convince ourselves that talking about it is the same as doing it. And when we hear other people say it, most of the time we know they’re not gonna. Stop drinking. Stop smoking. Not waste money. Get out and enjoy life where they can. How do I know? Because if they wanted to, they would be doing it now instead of talking about what they’re going to do. If we ain’t doing it today, we ain’t gonna. You gotta work with what you have and stop waiting for the perfect day. You might not get another sunrise. Nobody never got anything done by waiting for it. Don’t waste your time arguing with people or the world. Likely you can’t change them. Wanting things to be another way is like trying to get full by smelling what’s cooking on the stove. The fewer things you want or think you need will get you pretty far.”

“Anything else?” I wanted to give him the chance to add if he wanted to.

“Nah. If somebody can take two or three things out of all that and do them, they don’t need much else.”

I thanked him and told him I hoped he would have a good afternoon.

“I will. I’m going to sit down and do nothing. It’s amazing how far doing that can get you most of the time.”

I laughed. He was right.

About all of it.

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Dynasty

Phil Robertson’s previous fame is an interesting example of someone being used as an anchor to glamorize controversial beliefs. I’m constantly confused by fame whitewashing behavior that violates the precepts of the religion being espoused. It is hypocrisy, one that money conveniently dispels.

Duck Dynasty was marketing genius when it started. The right people at the right time, to get viewers. I don’t fault anyone involved in the project for taking a simple idea and running with it. We tend to reward oversimplification. 

Many people don’t know Phil fathered a daughter by having an affair. The family welcomed the newly-discovered daughter despite her origins. That’s a good thing. Regardless of how she came to be, she holds no accountability for the actions of her father. Or her mother. People are complex and where sexuality treads, you can be certain that misbehavior will happen. It always has. I love watching people moan about what others do in the bedroom. I’ve seen too many people do the same thing and then attempt to allege they’ve never behaved that way. It’s the same mindset that allows far too many people to disparage the younger generation, who aren’t straying far from the blueprint we created when we were younger. 

In too many ways, my own dad echoed the pattern of Phil Robertson. He was a troublemaker fueled by alcoholism and anger. He too fathered a daughter that we didn’t know about for decades. Like Phil, my dad had affairs, especially when he was younger. I know that Phil had family members to love him. That part of his story makes me happy, happy, happy. He got to know the daughter from his wilder days. That’s the kind of acceptance that I always wish for for everyone involved.

My family comes from Southern roots just as Phil’s did. Both benefited from growing up in a society that legally denied equality to much of the population. It preached superiority and encouraged bigotry, all backed by the alleged support of their relgious beliefs. That stain takes generations to remove, if at all. It’s how we end up with people venerating the flags of defeated ideology and insisting that the cause was something more noble. God must have been wrong about slavery; otherwise, the side suppporting it would have prevailed. (Or so some people say, incorrectly asserting that universal right always prevails. It doesn’t.) The same is true for bigotry associated with being gay. If any book can be used to justify both sides, there’s either a problem with the book, the people interpreting it, or both. 

Had a film crew documented everything my dad did and said, he too would have faced a backlash. The only difference is that Phil Robertson had the fame to use his limelight to spout. I’m not saying he was wrong about everything. He wasn’t. But if you look closely, you’ll see that his beliefs coincided with the values and things that supported his small circle’s way of life. His worldview didn’t allow for inclusion of people not like him. 

Yesterday, I delved into the complexity of celebrities who believe nonnense. Elizabeth Moss and Tom Cruise of course entered the mix. We can engage with them as celebrities. That same celebrity gives them the money and means to disguise what lies behind their ideologies. 

What bothers me most about the example of Phil Robertson is it leads to nonsense like the State of Texas attempting to mandate the commandments in public schools. It hasn’t worked in churches – and it won’t work in schools, either. It’s always about control and the imposition of people’s religious beliefs onto others. I can’t help that saying this pisses off those who follow an authoritarian version of religion. 

What does work? Living the message of compassion. Education. Helping others. Prioritizing policies that improve people’s lives instead of starving them, denying them healthcare, or subjecting them to exclusionary behavior. Stop trying to condemn or control people. If you embody the message, you don’t need coercion or control. People gravitate toward authenticity. Loving behavior is demonstrably loving. That’s why we should value actions over words. 

If you’re voting against giving people food, education, housing, or healthcare, but actively funding machinery of war and destruction, you’re not doing it right. If you’re rewarding the wealthy at the expense of those with less, I would say greed and corruption have infected you.

We constantly struggle against the narrow-mindedness of fear and prejudice disguised as both politics and religion. 

That’s what got us to where we are. Phil was an integral part of the backlash that allowed an imposter to reinvent himself from a misogynist, failed businessman, and bigoted television star into a leader whose biggest contribution is anger and divisiveness. 

It’s what gave us the powerful ficitonal example of those in Gilead, with one side using the name of God to insist they have the right to do almost anything to further their cause. The difference is that one side argues for equality and compassion, whereas the other fights for dominance, subjugation, and control.

Could Duck Dynasty entertain? Yes, of course. But it also masks our perceptions of what lay beneath it. It makes me think of another family member, one admired in his small pond of like-minded people. He despised minorities, gay people, and anyone different. He used his influence to ruin people’s lives if they attempted to ascend to his level. Not figuratively. Literally. And he did those things with God on his lips. 

You can’t ignore the smirk and snarl behind the curtain. You get both when you entertwine celebrity and belief, just as you do with the people you know. 

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Thinking

Every once in a while I write a list like this one.

… Because the biggest myth of all is that we prioritize and reward logic and reason over emotion and poor thinking. The best idea does not win, nor does the process of discovery and innovation get the appreciation it deserves. It’s how we end up with people criticizing the scientific process or convincing themselves that the world is only 6,000 years old.

Almost every TV show and movie gets the science behind sleeping after a concussion wrong. Just like they do with CPR.

Diverticulitis is the perfect example of how science progresses. Despite the fact that we now know that eating popcorn and seeds doesn’t worsen diverticulitis, It will take years for the previous recommendations to stop affecting how people deal with their disease.

Supplements aren’t regulated like other medicines. While some people need them for specific beneficial medical purposes, they are by large a danger to most of us.

One of my favorites is the idiotic insistence that people not swim for an hour after they eat.

The same is true for stomach ulcers. We’ve known for years that they are caused by bacteria rather than stress.

Debunked claims that vaccines cause autism still cause havoc as poorly-informed people continue to repeat claims that they do. As is the case with the flu vaccine causing you to have the flu.

There’s no correlation to a full moon and aberrant behavior. But try telling people who believe it that there’s no evidence to support the claim.

Parents everywhere continue to believe that sugar causes their kids to be hyperactive. Study after study has shown this to be false.

People mistakenly believe that technology invariably causes social isolation. For every disadvantage, it creates the possibility of enhanced connection. Radio was going to be the downfall of civilization. TV was going to produce a generation of idiots.

Every generation for centuries has insisted that the younger generations are at fault for what’s wrong with society. That includes their work ethic and morals. It’s a ridiculous pyramid scheme of faulty logic and thinking.

The teen birthrate has continued to significantly fall over the last few decades. In general, do people believe it? The same holds true for crime and violence, generally speaking. Yet somehow, if you tell someone we are collectively safer, they’ll argue until their fingers fall off the remote control.

Bats aren’t blind.

Reading in the dark or sitting too close to the TV does not damage your vision.

The eight glasses of water a day myth won’t die either. Water consumed as part of your food counts, just as the water in coffee and soda does. Many people overhydrate, which can cause electrolyte imbalances as well as kidney problems. In general, urine is not meant to be clear all the time.

Napoleon wasn’t short. His height was normal for the time.

In conclusion, expecting people to dedicate themselves to learning is as foolish as deciding that someone who has declared bankruptcy several times is somehow a good business person. Or that someone who spews hate and dissent somehow embodies the ideals of a prophet that preached brotherly love and compassion.

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Choose

Because people are reluctant to share the things that they wish they could say to someone who needs to hear it, I hope that each person reading this stops to consider that it may have been written for them.

It’s not about being a man. 

It’s about being a person who communicates openly and boldly when needed. 

Everyone has trauma, most have experienced betrayal and loss, and others lack self-confidence for their own reasons. 

Behavior can be learned and it can also be unlearned if you’re motivated.

Each of us has defects and things that cannot be changed or taken back. 

We also possess things that can be changed. Most things that are worthwhile require effort. 

If your goal is to socialize and to become intimate with other people, you must be willing to work on the things that you can. 

Failing to do so is a passive decision to let others know that you will not move past where you are. 

We must play the cards we’re given rather than the ones we wish we had. 

You start with small steps today. 

People notice that you’ve acknowledged you’re taking as much control as you can. 

No one wants someone perfect. But everyone wants someone moving in the right direction. 

We find value in someone who recognizes that action is required. It erases a great deal of the things that give us pause.

Confidence is attractive, often rivaling humor and wit. 

Pursuing what you want magnetizes us. Knowing that someone values you and wants you is an element of attraction that’s often overlooked.

Resist complaining about the current situation. Stop talking about what you’re going to do. Instead, commit to movement and action.

Let the changes be reflected in your behavior and the words you choose. Live confidently and honestly. 

Some of the things in your heart and reflected in your words will make you fearful of rejection. The truth is we all share a lot more in common than we realize and it’s only through communication that allows us to interact as human beings. 

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The Great Experiment

I was in DC when I was young. Historical monuments and artefacts take on different meanings as you experience more in life. Witnessing the ebb and flow of government and the people who deem themselves worthy to serve us as public servants.

As for the Declaration of Independence, I can’t read it without feeling as if bolts of hypocritical lightning might strike me. Only a small percentage of adults have read the entirety of the document. Read it again if you have a few minutes and tell me that you don’t feel massive cognitive dissonance upon doing so. Regardless of your political affiliation, you will feel twinges of recognition in light of current events.

Most of us were taught that the document embodied the ideals of those who assembled around it. But then we independently learned about the struggles of women and minorities wanting their place at the table along the white men who kept a straight face while signing a document indicating that we are all equal.

Two and a half centuries later, we’re struggling with the consequences of corrupted capitalism, oligarchy, and white christian nationalism, all of which now boil in the crucible focused by someone who has no substantive interest in treating the Constitution as sacred.

It’s strange to me that as individuals we mostly want to be left alone, yet so quickly join forces with movements and groups that collectively seek to accentuate inequality and promote favoritism toward their particular cause.

I’m a liberal and as such, I relish the days when we actually return to following the concepts of the Constitution. That we stop saying words like equality if we are going to behave as if the term applies only to our cohort. If we continue down this road toward marginalization or reduction in freedoms while simultaneously imposing a particular religious viewpoint or worldview, it is a certainty how this great experiment will end.

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(An Odd Zen Realization)

Every path comes with a price.

Decisions narrow your options. 

You can’t travel to two places simultaneously.

To choose one thing lessens your ability to do others. 

To choose one person is an exclusionary decision.

Specializing in one job means you can’t work elsewhere. 

Setting aside time for a hobby reduces the time, energy, and concentration for others. 

The contradiction in life is that unlimited choices aren’t real. 

Once you’ve chosen, the battle is appreciating the hobbies, the people, the job, the place you live, and all the results of narrowing your options. 

In all things, be as enthusiastic as possible in the choices you’ve made.

Happiness results from freely choosing and doubling down on what you’ve chosen. 

Freedom is the ability to make those choices. 

Money can’t buy happiness but it definitely provides options. 

Perversely, most people do not take fruitful advantage of the options that money provides and instead insist on accumulating more wealth. 

What would your life look like if  your financial situation could never improve?

Make your choices deliberately and wisely.

Time is limited. 

Avoid passive choices or paths you didn’t take on purpose.

What approaches us will likely greatly reduce our ability to make choices. 

Chaos is inevitable and you need to understand that even if you do everything correctly, you can still fail by whatever measure you judge by. 

We live our lives independently, but each of us is subject to a myriad list of things out of our control.

Each of us will need to adopt a new attitude and find ways to do more than merely survive. 

If you can’t be creative and find a way to live meaningfully when things get tough, you will needlessly suffer.

There should be no shame or regret if your choice is to live in the moment.

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Hate

Earlier today, someone shouted an old Spanish nickname of mine. It was an odd place to hear an old nickname. I remembered him immediately because he had the same smile, although it was hidden behind twenty additional years of hard-earned wrinkles. I will call him Sonrisa.

He told me he works with my old friend Carlos. After joking about the unlikelihood of Carlos working much and sharing a laugh, Sonrisa told me that Carlos was giving up on getting the citizenship that he had been promised for years. Both Carlos and Sonrisa are incredibly hard workers. Sonrisa told me a version of the same story I’ve been hearing repeatedly over the last few months: most of their cohort has given up on the United States being the promised land it once was. 

They’ll probably return to El Salvador. It will be a loss for everyone. Not only are they hard workers, but they’re funny even in English. 

They didn’t used to be prone to cynicism. Sonrisa remembered that I was one of the few gringos who actively stood out in the crowd in recognition of the contribution of Latinos. 

He wasn’t surprised when I told him that there was not much hope in sight to feel respected as long as the current crowd of political idiots get their way. 

I’m paraphrasing, but Sonrisa added, “You know he’s an idiot when he starts a fight with a friendly white country like Canada. I know if we go back to El Salvador we’ll experience similar authoritarian BS like we do here. But at least it won’t be based on prejudice.” He added, “I remember years ago when you said it was better for people to curse you directly to your face because then at least you knew who they were. We had a few great years here where the racists mostly kept to theirselves. We always knew it was there. But now? He gave them permission and gasoline to act openly.”

There’s no need to explain what people mean when they use the word ‘HE.”

I waved goodbye to Sonrisa and asked him to tell Carlos hello for me.

I silently hoped that 47 and the people who support him don’t get their way. But on the other hand, as always, a little part of me also hoped that they would continue to f*** around and find out.

Not only about the absence of a sufficient workforce to prop up our economy, but also the unavoidable consequences of believing that you can denigrate one group of people without harming the respect threshold for everyone else 

Hate breeds hate, and distrust contaminates everyone. 

There is no “them.” They are us and vice versa. You’ve simply avoided being targeted. Yet. 

Authoritarians and those who believe they have the right of superiority are never content. Fear-mongering is an appetite that never lessens.

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The Danger of Uncertainty

One of the reasons apocalyptic shows and books are so fascinating is that they share the themes of human morality. When deprived of food, comfort, or stability, our prefrontal cortex surrenders to the amygdala, the lizard part of our brains. One of the truths of human nature is that much of our morality is built on the foundation of having our basic needs met. When your brain overwhelms your critical thinking, it takes a massive effort to overcome the instinctive response that results. People underestimate how complex our instinct mode is – or fail to appreciate how our brains misinterpret danger signals, even in everyday life. In short, you can’t think about goodwill toward men or write poetry when your belly growls.

The above partially explains why judging someone is easier when things get complicated.

This is one reason massive social change is a losing bet. While people might be fed, they lose their sense of continuity, security, and stability. Going hungry pulls the nail out of human decency. Too much change takes away people’s ability to cope. This is true even if the changes are favorable. It’s no accident that rapid technological change and its consequences bring anxiety. Because we’re all sitting in the same soup pot, we frequently fail to see the bigger picture because we focus on the symptoms rather than the central issue.

This is obvious to those of us who were threatened by the absence of our needs being met growing up—those who haven’t don’t experience the same reality. Your body and brain don’t forget the trauma caused by feeling threatened or in danger.

If a person or people in society reach the tipping point toward helplessness, things get ugly quickly. The 4% rule stipulates that only a tiny portion of the population can trigger massive social movements or react to sudden changes. It’s as if our collective subconscious realizes that the status quo isn’t working. We often seek a resolution, even a bad one, over continuing in the current state. We sometimes burn down the house to get rid of the houseflies.

This is another valid argument for ensuring that we care for everyone’s basic needs. If we do not strive to meet people’s basic needs, chaos will bubble up – and often universally trigger a volatile reaction.

Some are blind to the ideal of the American Dream that most of us grew up believing: work hard and be rewarded. Or that government is the cohesive force behind it all to provide stability. Current events have put these components in jeopardy. You can’t effectively destabilize the government without hitting the hornet’s nest of societal upheaval. If you monkey with the stability variable, you’ll get some nasty results. People will set their metaphorical houses on fire instead of rationally attempting to adjust to what feels like uncontrollable chaos.

It’s fascinating to watch the younger generations react. They are the critical ones, watching and learning invisible lessons. It falls to them to decide what will become of the mess the dinosaurs of today are creating. They don’t see themselves as the future because, like us, they mostly grew up thinking that society’s undefined “adults” had things in check. We do not. We are winging it and ignoring the dangers of continuing on this path of uncertainty.

These are just thoughts that not everyone understands.

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Fool’s Wish

Praying isn’t going to help my helpless and hopeless friends
God slept through the Holocaust, so I doubt he cares how this ends
He might have put all this in motion, but he’s left the building

Though you think you’re on the side of righteous
The other side thinks you’re completely wrong
Ain’t no use competing with deafness and fervor


We have to run and jump in the water no matter how deep we find it
Some of us are going to get pushed and experience confinement
But that’s going to happen anyway, even if we keep our hands at our sides

What you don’t know about bullies is that they don’t need an excuse
They’ll punch you even if your arms are at your sides
It’s a lesson learned by millions of women throughout history

Some people need enemies no matter how they find the world
Others take pleasure in inflicting harm and constant pain
You can’t placate or talk them down from their thrones

Bullies are hard-wired to respect nothing but violence
It takes a greater force to shut them up for good
Waiting for someone to step in is a fool’s greatest wish

No logic, compassion, or love will reach them
Wishing it won’t make it so
The only thing understood is karmic retaliation

God slept through the holocaust, so I doubt he cares how this ends