Category Archives: Humor

Surprise: Things You Didn’t Know

Surprise!

At the wedding I performed a few weeks ago, “Macarena” played. The five boys of the bride and groom danced joyously to the song. It was a delight.

At the reception table, people were watching the dancers and chatting. Since I’m bilingual and also a music story aficionado, I asked, “Do y’all KNOW what this song is about?” No one did.

“It’s actually very dirty. The song is about a girl named Macarena. While her boyfriend is joining the army and out of town, she takes home two hot friends of his and has sex with them both.”

Everyone looked at me like I was crazy. Which I am.

Nevertheless, the song details how promiscuous and unfaithful Macarena is. Evidently, she does this all the time.

While the song is played at schools, weddings, and just about everywhere else, the content remains a mystery to most people. If you know Macarena, you should run down to the clinic to get some blood work.

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*ucket List

NSFW implications: though none of my friends ever, ever curse… A bucket list is awesome to help you prioritize and motivate yourself to action. There is a corollary idea that is based on non-action, non-attachment, non-participation, and non-response. And usually? It saves you a lot of thinking, drama, and unhappiness. It’s zenlike in its implications.

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I’ve Got Jokes

I went to an emergency training course.

The facilitator started off by saying, “Raise your hand if you know the consequences of severe head trauma.”

I raised my hand and said, “Immediate promotion to at least vice president of the company.”

At least I got the rest of the day free.
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New (Nude) Fence

A new house is being finished adjacent to my apartment simplex. I told the landlord that I GUARANTEE I could get the new owners to cough up a new privacy fence if we take down the old one. He seemed doubtful: “That’s a lot of money. I don’t see how.” I smiled and said, “I’ll do the cleanup by the fence naked.” I could hear his eyeroll from five feet away.
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A Little Shared Anecdote With Humor

The following is a great little anecdote from one of my favorite people. The last couple of lines are sublime:

When I worked at Windstream, I would often take my lunch to Reservoir Park (in Little Rock) when the weather was pretty. Just to get away from the stress at that building and sit in nature.

One day when I was in the park, I saw a dog (of course) walking around. I tried to get it to come to me, and it wouldn’t. I watched it as it moved on. About five minutes later, an older woman came fast, walking by, carrying a leash. I started the car and drove up to her. I asked if she was looking for a white dog. She said, “Yes.” I said, “I know where it was headed. Do you want me to take you that way?” She hesitated and then said, “Please.” She got in, and as we were driving, we exchanged names, and I told her where I work and that I had been eating lunch when the dog came by. She said they lived at the end of the park.

We located the dog. It was on a path where the car couldn’t go, but we could see it, and she would be able to catch up. As she was thanking me, she told me to please be safe, and then she laughed and asked, “Didn’t your mother teach you not to pick up strangers?” I laughed and said, “Yes! Just like yours taught you not to get in a stranger’s car.”
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