A part of me is still flying in the May afternoon, the sun declining and making me a human prism. No cape required.
What I wanted most from the experience of jumping was to know what it would feel like leaning out knowing I had to surrender and spiral out.
But what it has done over time is paradoxically make things more colorful while simultaneously making other things banal.
I’m trying to decide between bull riding and telling my manager he’s got a bad haircut. Both seem equally dangerous.
Someone quipped to me that once you see the Grand Canyon you can’t look at a simple yet elegant river without comparing it.
Many of our comparisons are subconscious. If you’ve ever experienced acceptance at its most basic level, it’s hard to deal with quibblers. If you’ve experienced unconditional love, anything less than surrendering to it feels like a violation. If you’ve learned something that challenges your core beliefs, it’s hard to believe that you aren’t wrong about a lot of other things, too.
I’m still flying and I’m not certain it’s to my benefit.
It incrementally brought back that feeling of detachment that was such a joy almost 20 years ago. Detachment allows you to have deep singular experiences, but it also paradoxically separates you from the turmoil.
It’s ego that tells me that it’s wrong to say, “People who jump out of airplanes don’t quibble over trivial.” Equally true is that once you lose a piece of your identity because of loss or recognition of how alone you can be when you don’t take care to dive into to mess of life, it’s hard to dial back in.
Someone also told me it’s not wrong to lean in and feel like I did something special, even if thousands do it each year. It’s on people’s bucket lists for a reason. Even if all I did was lean out and let go, allowing gravity to do the rest.
How many of us live life on autopilot anyway? Waiting for whatever happens to happen.
This is especially true for AT&T customers, but it is great advice for everyone.
The AT&T leak was pernicious because all your information, including your social security number, address, phone number, etc might have been exposed.
We often don’t know it happened with other breaches – or we find out much later.
While your password might not have been exposed, the people using this information are doing stacking. They wait and then peek into an account to see if they get access. Usually, it’s long enough after the fact that you will only notice if you have two-factor authentication turned on for everything important. They cross-reference information across multiple accounts, usually because people reuse passwords and don’t update them appropriately. Those engaging in this target the easiest sites and behaviors.
People forget that while using their phones and shopping on sites the risk of someone intercepting their information increases. The risk increases drastically if you’re constantly linked to WiFi instead of your cellphone signal. Advertisers and tracking cookies are a pain in the ass, but most of the issues with information being stolen are more a matter of you giving it to them under the incorrect assumption of safety. Two-factor authentication is a lock to which only you have the key. But locks are only as good as the skill level and persistence of the people trying to break in. Regardless of your phone or account security, anyone sufficiently motivated can gain access.
The other cardinal rule is that if you store anything online or on your phone, you should assume that someone gets it no matter how diligently you protect it. Most of our personal information is already easily obtained.
It’s also a given that you should be checking your credit reports for free at least once a year. Even better if you are using a monitoring service.
As careful as I am, doing so has helped me avoid a few potentially massive headaches.
Don’t answer your phone if it seems to be your bank, credit card company, or retailer. Don’t click on a link in a text or email. Always initiate a reply by calling or emailing the bank directly.
The scams are getting exponentially better.
PS If you have your friends list visible on Facebook, you have the answer as to why your account is being cloned constantly. We are lucky that people with bad intentions pick the easier targets, just as people who steal cars or the contents therein usually walk around pulling door handles. It’s extremely hard to gain access to someone’s Facebook account unless they fail to use two-factor authentication, which is the equivalent of leaving your door unlocked.
Unpack all your baggage and throw it in the attic or the basement. It will still be there to greet you later but at least you will stop transporting it around as if it defines you. Take a moment and look out your window. It’s a portal to several billion people and unimaginable fascinations. So why do we choose to spiral into an ever-narrowing cocoon? We complain about traffic and yet we can only visit new places by becoming traffic. As for work, it’s almost universal that we love some aspects of it while simultaneously despising the grind and the dehumanizing part of it. The people around us become familiar and we think we’ve learned what we can from them. Maybe it’s time to put on the clown shoes or the bowtie and risk looking ridiculous. One of the secrets of life is that while people are giving us the sideeye they are also largely ignoring us, consumed by the constant barrage of obligations and appearances that keep them caged. X .
If you are a nighttide peripheral observer like me, you’re going to see things that make you do a double take. This morning I drove by the infamous Bottoms Up at an hour when even the local vampires are getting droopy-eyed. A woman stood between her open car door and the car and a man leaned against her. His work truck was parked on the other side of her car. I’m certain he was examining her tonsils. My initial reaction was “geez.” But my ensuing reaction was “good for them.” When we are young, it’s our opportunity to abandon good sense and let our biological fires not only lead us down the path of temptation, but also take a dubious detour. It is a certainty that we should be rational creatures. Careful attention to our behaviors and patterns clearly demonstrates that we are not. Routine grips us and we build layers of distraction on top of our clandestine wish to feel alive. Maybe I’m an outlier. Perhaps the rest of you don’t struggle with the duality of knowing we’re here to experience the world, but also wonder why we choose or are pushed into obligations and routines that quite simply deaden us at times. Whoever those tongue-locked people were will wake up at some point during the day and regret burning the midnight oil. Maybe you will think I’m crazy for saying I had a similar regret when I pulled in to work. I probably should be driving to Central Arkansas this morning. But I’m not. It is all an accumulation of choices. Some serve us, and some do not. It’s only in retrospect after we’ve made the choices that we tell ourselves we understand why we made them.
For all of you out there who sometimes need a song blasting on the way to work… Find “A Symptom Of Being Human” by Shinedown. I’ve listened to this song multiple times with a critical ear, trying to pinpoint what exactly this song embodies that provokes an emotional reaction in me. The closest I can come Is that it invokes a nostalgic feeling without being tied to a specific time period. It’s a song about mental health and having empathy for every human soul who crosses your path. Even toxic bastards, managers, baseball fans, and registered voters. It’s Thursday which means you’ve made the mistake of delineating your days as if one has more importance than any other.
“Tomorrow is the bastard child of our imagination. It presumes certainty wherein none can be found, even by the most expert and capable amongst us. This is no exhortation to whisper to yourself, ‘Carpe diem.’ All the things that worry you are illusions. The time you have is not even borrowed. It’s yours. If you cannot find it in yourself to detach from the self-imposed blueprint of identity and ambition long enough to comprehend this, there is no question that you’re probably wasting the only resource that matters: time. In the time it took to read this, 105 souls have moved on to whatever awaits them. That nebulous visitor in your thoughts? The one that tickles your discomfort. It is a primeval instinct of awareness and reminder. Distractions only dampen it. Don’t seize the day. Seize the moments that are in front of you. Although you probably won’t practice it until you’re older, don’t let the words ‘later’ or ‘tommorow’ pass casually from your lips. These words are vanity in a nutshell.”
Earlier in the week, someone complained that we don’t actually own anything. Their focus was on taxes. I didn’t say it out loud, but I wanted to point out that ownership is an illusion. I wanted to point out that their frustration couldn’t possibly change how things are. Even the core of identity, our body and brain, is governed by expiration. It’s not the type of comment that most people enjoy during a conversation. Certainly, we hold things for a few decades if we are lucky. There’s no doubt that everything is borrowed while we’re walking around on this planet.
Almost all of us, no matter what we do or strive for, might end up as a footnote on a Wikipedia page. Once the people we affect are gone, all we can hope for is an echo effect; moments, pieces of our love, wit, or presence that infected others for the right reasons. While I am not a religious person, this sort of thinking always makes me think of Ecclesiastes.
We spend our lives chasing security and possession. Strictly speaking, obtaining either is an illusion. Security is momentary and based on temporary variables that we don’t control. If it can be owned, it can also be taken or lost.
I was told to relearn the lesson of all this. Jumping out of a plane helped. Watching people chase things that give them the feeling of control also reminds me that learned detachment is about the only means to let go of all the musts, shoulds, and nonsense we’ve accumulated.
I’ve been practicing more to remind myself that worry and anxiety are largely based on the desire for control or certainty. Both steal your allotted energy to take in what happens for what it is.
Only those who have failed will understand the need to understand how much their patterns and reactions affect their relationships. People carry needless wounds and patterns with them to the next relationship. All your previous attempts failed for a reason. Love, X
A local doctor stole babies from birth mothers, telling them that their children had died. And one case in particular… It took decades for DNA to reveal the story. That happened here in Northwest Arkansas. One of my ideas for a Netflix documentary would be to contact the families of every mother, especially single mothers, who gave birth during a specific time period to perform DNA tests and compare them nationally.
Handsome, charismatic men who portray themselves as humble Christian husbands. Yet engage in a cycle of highly sexual affairs. (A story so common it is literally copy and paste.) Another one with a conservative political career who used his position at his work to take advantage of women. There’s a reason so many sexual harassment complaints arise in the workplace. It has built-in inequality that largely negates people speaking up and setting things right.
More than one doctor who openly had mistresses but yet were considered pillars of the community. Who had children with those mistresses.
People I knew who experienced a wild array of trauma. Everything you can imagine. Even though I had my own mostly unknown traumas, some of these people went through much, much worse than I did.
A dentist who preyed on women. Money can lighten any stain or accusation. Rarely do people choose victims whom they consider their equals.
Cops took advantage of people monetarily or sexually. Some used their positions to ruin their victims instead of admitting what they had done.
Coaches who bullied young kids. Or worse.
Teachers who are inappropriate with their students.
Church leaders behaving inappropriately.
A multitude of lawyer stories. Except they are armed and knowledgeable regarding the process of eluding accountability. Mostly. I’ve told the story many times, but one of them went to prison for fixing cases. My parents were among those who benefited from the arrangement.
Last year I had a bad feeling about someone who owned a plumbing company. I used my skills and uncovered a trail of female victims. One leading me across the country.
I had a similar feeling about a neighbor. He turned out to be a previously convicted sexual predator, along with a nice jacket full of criminal offenses.
All of these things have shadows around them.
Most people are good people.
But one thing you have to understand is that your experience with a particular person does not mean they didn’t have a dark side.
Especially upon their passing, if you lionize them, you have to be willing to listen to anyone who has a contrary opinion or experience with them.
It is in darkness and secrecy that people can be duplicitous and lead secret lives out of sight from observers. At least observers who will speak up.
The above examples are stories I know from here in Northwest Arkansas.
When I got involved in learning about the doctor who was stealing babies, I was expecting a reasonable explanation. Instead, I had to sit in the knowledge that someone was capable of ruining a mother’s life in that way. There was no doubt that he had done it to multiple women.
It’s human nature to avoid accountability, just as it’s also our nature to get mad when someone tries to tarnish a family member or someone we admire. Even a cursory look at Mother Theresa and her charity reveals many detestable secrets.
People have different faces for each aspect of their life.
I don’t have a nice bow with which to tie this post up.
There are certainly false accusers.
But there are also victims or people who know the truth about someone.
Each of these people has the right to tell their truth and story.
History and familiarity with people have repeatedly and demonstrably proven that truth is stranger than fiction.
I have several examples from my life in which the truth didn’t come to light for decades. In one, I found the gift of a beautiful and intelligent sister concealed from me. In another, I found proof of the final crime that sent my dad to prison in Indiana in the 60s.
I l-o-v-e hearing words mispronounced. It is usually a sign that someone has learned a word from reading it. I devised this couplet to remind people to encourage language and vocabulary instead of mocking it. English “rules” are arbitrary and devised with no rhyme or reason. We owe it to the stupidity of our language to mess with every aspect of it. Think about the magic of language. We translate little squiggles into ideas in our heads. And then we argue how the imaginary and arbitrary symbols are supposed to look or sound. As I age, my tolerance for supercilious and snarky attitudes has plummeted. Say it wrong. Spell it wrong. This language belongs to all of us. All the rules we claim will one day be meaningless. Since I speak and read more than one language, I am comfortable and fearless in navigating all the errors I make when communicating. Most people are nervous when speaking or writing. There’s no reason to be. No matter how careful you are, you’ll sound or seem a bit ignorant to someone, somewhere. You have permission to break the language. If you run into someone who is a bit of a wet blanket about your right to do so, look them in the eye and say, “I’d like an eXpresso.” And prance away.
