If you’re interested in the wisdom of experience, I’ve got some words for you. I did the peculiar thing that I sometimes do and asked an older man to hit me with some important things he had learned.
“Who we are is who we are going to be,” the older man said, his face rigid with the wrinkles of certainty and experience.
“These lips are mine and are the same lips I used to excuse how I wasted my youth. Putting off things I should have done. Listening to what people say instead of watching what they do. ‘I’m gonna’ is for sure one of the dumbest things we say to convince ourselves that talking about it is the same as doing it. And when we hear other people say it, most of the time we know they’re not gonna. Stop drinking. Stop smoking. Not waste money. Get out and enjoy life where they can. How do I know? Because if they wanted to, they would be doing it now instead of talking about what they’re going to do. If we ain’t doing it today, we ain’t gonna. You gotta work with what you have and stop waiting for the perfect day. You might not get another sunrise. Nobody never got anything done by waiting for it. Don’t waste your time arguing with people or the world. Likely you can’t change them. Wanting things to be another way is like trying to get full by smelling what’s cooking on the stove. The fewer things you want or think you need will get you pretty far.”
“Anything else?” I wanted to give him the chance to add if he wanted to.
“Nah. If somebody can take two or three things out of all that and do them, they don’t need much else.”
I thanked him and told him I hoped he would have a good afternoon.
“I will. I’m going to sit down and do nothing. It’s amazing how far doing that can get you most of the time.”
Phil Robertson’s previous fame is an interesting example of someone being used as an anchor to glamorize controversial beliefs. I’m constantly confused by fame whitewashing behavior that violates the precepts of the religion being espoused. It is hypocrisy, one that money conveniently dispels.
Duck Dynasty was marketing genius when it started. The right people at the right time, to get viewers. I don’t fault anyone involved in the project for taking a simple idea and running with it. We tend to reward oversimplification.
Many people don’t know Phil fathered a daughter by having an affair. The family welcomed the newly-discovered daughter despite her origins. That’s a good thing. Regardless of how she came to be, she holds no accountability for the actions of her father. Or her mother. People are complex and where sexuality treads, you can be certain that misbehavior will happen. It always has. I love watching people moan about what others do in the bedroom. I’ve seen too many people do the same thing and then attempt to allege they’ve never behaved that way. It’s the same mindset that allows far too many people to disparage the younger generation, who aren’t straying far from the blueprint we created when we were younger.
In too many ways, my own dad echoed the pattern of Phil Robertson. He was a troublemaker fueled by alcoholism and anger. He too fathered a daughter that we didn’t know about for decades. Like Phil, my dad had affairs, especially when he was younger. I know that Phil had family members to love him. That part of his story makes me happy, happy, happy. He got to know the daughter from his wilder days. That’s the kind of acceptance that I always wish for for everyone involved.
My family comes from Southern roots just as Phil’s did. Both benefited from growing up in a society that legally denied equality to much of the population. It preached superiority and encouraged bigotry, all backed by the alleged support of their relgious beliefs. That stain takes generations to remove, if at all. It’s how we end up with people venerating the flags of defeated ideology and insisting that the cause was something more noble. God must have been wrong about slavery; otherwise, the side suppporting it would have prevailed. (Or so some people say, incorrectly asserting that universal right always prevails. It doesn’t.) The same is true for bigotry associated with being gay. If any book can be used to justify both sides, there’s either a problem with the book, the people interpreting it, or both.
Had a film crew documented everything my dad did and said, he too would have faced a backlash. The only difference is that Phil Robertson had the fame to use his limelight to spout. I’m not saying he was wrong about everything. He wasn’t. But if you look closely, you’ll see that his beliefs coincided with the values and things that supported his small circle’s way of life. His worldview didn’t allow for inclusion of people not like him.
Yesterday, I delved into the complexity of celebrities who believe nonnense. Elizabeth Moss and Tom Cruise of course entered the mix. We can engage with them as celebrities. That same celebrity gives them the money and means to disguise what lies behind their ideologies.
What bothers me most about the example of Phil Robertson is it leads to nonsense like the State of Texas attempting to mandate the commandments in public schools. It hasn’t worked in churches – and it won’t work in schools, either. It’s always about control and the imposition of people’s religious beliefs onto others. I can’t help that saying this pisses off those who follow an authoritarian version of religion.
What does work? Living the message of compassion. Education. Helping others. Prioritizing policies that improve people’s lives instead of starving them, denying them healthcare, or subjecting them to exclusionary behavior. Stop trying to condemn or control people. If you embody the message, you don’t need coercion or control. People gravitate toward authenticity. Loving behavior is demonstrably loving. That’s why we should value actions over words.
If you’re voting against giving people food, education, housing, or healthcare, but actively funding machinery of war and destruction, you’re not doing it right. If you’re rewarding the wealthy at the expense of those with less, I would say greed and corruption have infected you.
We constantly struggle against the narrow-mindedness of fear and prejudice disguised as both politics and religion.
That’s what got us to where we are. Phil was an integral part of the backlash that allowed an imposter to reinvent himself from a misogynist, failed businessman, and bigoted television star into a leader whose biggest contribution is anger and divisiveness.
It’s what gave us the powerful ficitonal example of those in Gilead, with one side using the name of God to insist they have the right to do almost anything to further their cause. The difference is that one side argues for equality and compassion, whereas the other fights for dominance, subjugation, and control.
Could Duck Dynasty entertain? Yes, of course. But it also masks our perceptions of what lay beneath it. It makes me think of another family member, one admired in his small pond of like-minded people. He despised minorities, gay people, and anyone different. He used his influence to ruin people’s lives if they attempted to ascend to his level. Not figuratively. Literally. And he did those things with God on his lips.
You can’t ignore the smirk and snarl behind the curtain. You get both when you entertwine celebrity and belief, just as you do with the people you know.
Every once in a while I write a list like this one.
… Because the biggest myth of all is that we prioritize and reward logic and reason over emotion and poor thinking. The best idea does not win, nor does the process of discovery and innovation get the appreciation it deserves. It’s how we end up with people criticizing the scientific process or convincing themselves that the world is only 6,000 years old.
Almost every TV show and movie gets the science behind sleeping after a concussion wrong. Just like they do with CPR.
Diverticulitis is the perfect example of how science progresses. Despite the fact that we now know that eating popcorn and seeds doesn’t worsen diverticulitis, It will take years for the previous recommendations to stop affecting how people deal with their disease.
Supplements aren’t regulated like other medicines. While some people need them for specific beneficial medical purposes, they are by large a danger to most of us.
One of my favorites is the idiotic insistence that people not swim for an hour after they eat.
The same is true for stomach ulcers. We’ve known for years that they are caused by bacteria rather than stress.
Debunked claims that vaccines cause autism still cause havoc as poorly-informed people continue to repeat claims that they do. As is the case with the flu vaccine causing you to have the flu.
There’s no correlation to a full moon and aberrant behavior. But try telling people who believe it that there’s no evidence to support the claim.
Parents everywhere continue to believe that sugar causes their kids to be hyperactive. Study after study has shown this to be false.
People mistakenly believe that technology invariably causes social isolation. For every disadvantage, it creates the possibility of enhanced connection. Radio was going to be the downfall of civilization. TV was going to produce a generation of idiots.
Every generation for centuries has insisted that the younger generations are at fault for what’s wrong with society. That includes their work ethic and morals. It’s a ridiculous pyramid scheme of faulty logic and thinking.
The teen birthrate has continued to significantly fall over the last few decades. In general, do people believe it? The same holds true for crime and violence, generally speaking. Yet somehow, if you tell someone we are collectively safer, they’ll argue until their fingers fall off the remote control.
Bats aren’t blind.
Reading in the dark or sitting too close to the TV does not damage your vision.
The eight glasses of water a day myth won’t die either. Water consumed as part of your food counts, just as the water in coffee and soda does. Many people overhydrate, which can cause electrolyte imbalances as well as kidney problems. In general, urine is not meant to be clear all the time.
Napoleon wasn’t short. His height was normal for the time.
In conclusion, expecting people to dedicate themselves to learning is as foolish as deciding that someone who has declared bankruptcy several times is somehow a good business person. Or that someone who spews hate and dissent somehow embodies the ideals of a prophet that preached brotherly love and compassion.
Because people are reluctant to share the things that they wish they could say to someone who needs to hear it, I hope that each person reading this stops to consider that it may have been written for them.
It’s not about being a man.
It’s about being a person who communicates openly and boldly when needed.
Everyone has trauma, most have experienced betrayal and loss, and others lack self-confidence for their own reasons.
Behavior can be learned and it can also be unlearned if you’re motivated.
Each of us has defects and things that cannot be changed or taken back.
We also possess things that can be changed. Most things that are worthwhile require effort.
If your goal is to socialize and to become intimate with other people, you must be willing to work on the things that you can.
Failing to do so is a passive decision to let others know that you will not move past where you are.
We must play the cards we’re given rather than the ones we wish we had.
You start with small steps today.
People notice that you’ve acknowledged you’re taking as much control as you can.
No one wants someone perfect. But everyone wants someone moving in the right direction.
We find value in someone who recognizes that action is required. It erases a great deal of the things that give us pause.
Confidence is attractive, often rivaling humor and wit.
Pursuing what you want magnetizes us. Knowing that someone values you and wants you is an element of attraction that’s often overlooked.
Resist complaining about the current situation. Stop talking about what you’re going to do. Instead, commit to movement and action.
Let the changes be reflected in your behavior and the words you choose. Live confidently and honestly.
Some of the things in your heart and reflected in your words will make you fearful of rejection. The truth is we all share a lot more in common than we realize and it’s only through communication that allows us to interact as human beings.
If “Love thy neighbor as thyself” is too much, “Don’t be a dick” is a workable compromise.
If you’re averse to complexity, “do no harm” is a nice recap. “Stop hitting me in the face” is the minimum expectation.
“Live and let live,” if only for the entertainment value of observing human beings as we claim to use reason and logic, yet behave as if we are hyenas caught in an electric fence.
If your personal beliefs or religion (arguably and allegedly) forbid tramp stamp tattoos, drinking, bikinis, sex on a seesaw, rainbows, compassion, handlebar mustaches, caffeine, smoking, eating animals, or voting sensibly, then observe the beliefs you’ve chosen.
The greater the tendency a person has to impose their chosen beliefs on others, the greater the probability the afore-mentioined person is an asshole. (One who has yet to discover the agony of someone else telling THEM how to live.)
I’m too old and too cranky to listen to the various forms of dogma and indoctrination go to war with each other about whose book says what. If you live your life the way you want and others do the same, everyone’s much happier. It’s not my fault no two denominations agree, much less the individuals inside of each group. It’s remarkable that most people use the same book, yet no two people agree on the interpretation or the applicability of the contents to their lives.
You don’t have to help someone on the side of the road if they have a flat, but it would be nice if you don’t shout “You should have planned your life better” at them as you drive by and then steal their tire iron.
A lot of what we’re experiencing in society is the metaphorical equivalent of the flat tire scenario.
If recent events are any indication, the ones who disagree won’t like it any better than the rest do if the dynamic flips and they are the ones being hindered or silenced.
Reading the idiocy about the anti-Christian bias proposals gives me a multitude of thoughts and concerns. Very few people are anti-Christian, but attempting to favor one religion over another or a paticular brand of one is un-American and prohibited under the constitution. Everybody’s religion has elements that everyone else looks at and rolls their eyes. It’s human nature to misunderstand the beliefs of others, not to mention scoff at holy water while putting on their magic underwear.
You can’t demand conformity for others and then reject it when it’s your turn to suffer the consequences of those abusing power to tell you that you must follow ideology you don’t agree with.
For those who’ve studied history, no one wants theocracy. It inevitably disintegrates into an unrecognizable and extreme mess that satisfies no one and limits our ability to live freely.
Each of us is free to exercise our religion but that freedom ends where another person’s freedom begins. Especially if bacon or coffee is involved.
47 and people like him have continued to co-opt religion for their own purposes. It’s a story as old as time. I could not have imagined that our country would seemingly embrace the folly of someone so unqualified to represent the grace of belief and religion.
I don’t dislike religion. I dislike dogma and the infinite amount of zealotry that some people have when they seek to dictate how other people live in a free society.
I’ve started carrying protology referral cards in my wallet. Don’t be surprised if I hand you one. Since I’m an ass sometimes too, you can hand me one if you catch me behaving similarly. I’m the guy who sits in the back pew because I’m not fond of lightning strikes.
The overgrown and unmaintained trail back in here is beautiful. Of course, I have to be careful walking barefoot. Or I’m supposed to be. I saw and heard 29 different kinds of birds. None new on this walk.
The idea of safety followed me among the trees, the brush, and the birds. I don’t need to remind you of my past to echo the stupidity of safety. A glance down at a phone, an unstable artery inside your brain, and even airplanes falling can precipitate an unexpected demise despite a life perfectly lived.
Because of a purported leader we allegedly chose, now we have to be concerned that anyone can be kidnapped under the color of unidentified law and taken to a foreign prison. Our country is supposed to be founded on justice for all. Yet, we collectively look away as people who followed all the rules get snatched from their jobs and family.
It can’t happen to anyone I know, or so people think. An injustice permitted upon one is an injury to all of us if we’re decent people. When there are no clear lines, there will always be people who take advantage and do wrong.
The Golden Rule stipulates that we should do unto others as we would have done to us. That alone should serve as a warning who go one step too far and harm other people.
I’ll listen to the birds and enjoy the beautiful weather because that’s the only option I have. To ponder the potential of our current state of affairs too long can only lead to anger and frustration.
We once believed we were better than all of this. We’re not.
Earlier today, someone shouted an old Spanish nickname of mine. It was an odd place to hear an old nickname. I remembered him immediately because he had the same smile, although it was hidden behind twenty additional years of hard-earned wrinkles. I will call him Sonrisa.
He told me he works with my old friend Carlos. After joking about the unlikelihood of Carlos working much and sharing a laugh, Sonrisa told me that Carlos was giving up on getting the citizenship that he had been promised for years. Both Carlos and Sonrisa are incredibly hard workers. Sonrisa told me a version of the same story I’ve been hearing repeatedly over the last few months: most of their cohort has given up on the United States being the promised land it once was.
They’ll probably return to El Salvador. It will be a loss for everyone. Not only are they hard workers, but they’re funny even in English.
They didn’t used to be prone to cynicism. Sonrisa remembered that I was one of the few gringos who actively stood out in the crowd in recognition of the contribution of Latinos.
He wasn’t surprised when I told him that there was not much hope in sight to feel respected as long as the current crowd of political idiots get their way.
I’m paraphrasing, but Sonrisa added, “You know he’s an idiot when he starts a fight with a friendly white country like Canada. I know if we go back to El Salvador we’ll experience similar authoritarian BS like we do here. But at least it won’t be based on prejudice.” He added, “I remember years ago when you said it was better for people to curse you directly to your face because then at least you knew who they were. We had a few great years here where the racists mostly kept to theirselves. We always knew it was there. But now? He gave them permission and gasoline to act openly.”
There’s no need to explain what people mean when they use the word ‘HE.”
I waved goodbye to Sonrisa and asked him to tell Carlos hello for me.
I silently hoped that 47 and the people who support him don’t get their way. But on the other hand, as always, a little part of me also hoped that they would continue to f*** around and find out.
Not only about the absence of a sufficient workforce to prop up our economy, but also the unavoidable consequences of believing that you can denigrate one group of people without harming the respect threshold for everyone else
Hate breeds hate, and distrust contaminates everyone.
There is no “them.” They are us and vice versa. You’ve simply avoided being targeted. Yet.
Authoritarians and those who believe they have the right of superiority are never content. Fear-mongering is an appetite that never lessens.
47 himself said any president who presides over a 1,000 point drop on the DOW should be impeached immediately. We owe it to a man of such high honor to be held accountable to his own words. Unless they were just one in a million examples of the fatuous bullsh*t he’ll say to dupe enough people to be king.
He’ll offer his hateful brand of politics at the State of the Union address. Countless people who know better but feel like they have no choice will line up behind him to defend the nonsense he manages to enunciate.
Meanwhile, the country is in disarray. It certainly was not perfect prior to the second coming of 47, but it was manageable and subject to the terms and conditions of rationality and sometimes broken cooperation.
The carnage he creates will continue. The water will grow hotter and he will continue to create divides among those of us who would otherwise disagree passionately but still proceed about the business of living our lives in this country.
Donald, as Justin Trudeau correctly named him today, will destabilize our government sufficiently to render it unrecognizable. Even to those who support him. He’s already managed to destroy decades of relationships with our allies. Mathematically speaking, two points are sufficient to draw an infinite line. Likewise, the arc and trajectory of what he’s doing can only end in one place.
I catch myself wishing he would just get it over with and succeed in his ultimate goal to destroy the history and authority of the government we’ve all enjoyed until this point. So that in this manner, we would have no choice but to turn our eyes towards survival instead of feeding our souls with the foolish hope that the people we elected will stand up and demand that the Constitution be followed and to tell him that no man has the authority to circumvent the political process.
If we continue on this course, 47 will be the last president of the United States as we know it.
Chicken Little no longer has the energy to run amok and squawk that the sky is falling.
For all his supporters, I hope you get what you wish and deserve in your choices. That this paragraph sounds like a warning should itself be a worthy indicator of what you’ve chosen.
P.S. Parenthetically Speaking 